Do you tell people about your kids' vax status?

[jessc79]

My DH once tried to tell a cousin that we didn't vax. I quickly hushed him because I didn't want to get into it with them. I then told him not to tell anyone else because I didn't want them to alienate my DS in the future for whatever stupid reason. I don't tell most people, just LLL friends and people who I know won't care or will at least hear me out. I just avoid the shot topic all together. Someone once asked me how he did during his shots and I just answered "fine." I hate being dishonest but I hate trying to explain this to people. Especially people who I KNOW won't listen.

Do I have a moral obligation to tell these people? If Jake had a "vax preventable" disease I would tell them but I don't think it's their business to know our medical decisions. What do you all do?

[Katana]

I don't talk about it, if I can help it.

In my mind, it is in the same area as asking people how regular they are. Yes, we could talk about it, but why bring that up?

If my kids get sick with one of the vaxed diseases, I keep them home and out of society until they are better. I believe I need to be responsible, but I don't feel any moral obligation to broadcast my practices.

My SIL does selective vaxing, so we've discussed some things, but we're still on seperate pages somewhat, so we don't talk too much about vaxing.

The rest of the family are teachers and medical professionals. Can you tell either of those two types anything on any subject? :LOL

I take it on a case by case basis as to how much I tell friends or aquaintences. It is a very touchy topic, and there's plenty of room for a whole lot of hurt feelings and such. If I know I can have an intelligent and enlightening conversation, I don't avoid it. Otherwise, I nod and smile and live up to my 'oh, she's such a ditz' reputation.

[Mommy To Baby Roni]

I've talked about it with many of my friends in the past, but tend not to anymore. As Hilary so eloquently said on another post recently, my decision not to vaccinate is indirectly telling parents who vax that they made the wrong choice. However, though I may not outright mention DD's vax status, I will not hold back on taking part in a conversation on the topic if I feel I have something to contribute that will be received fairly well. If someone hadn't mentioned the dangers to me, I would've blindly vaxed my child. Therefore, I feel a responsiblity, to an extent, to make others aware that they have a choice and that they should educate themselves about that choice.

As far as DD or my family being excluded, I don't worry about it. If someone is going to avoid/exclude us because of this issue, then they are not worth my time.

[DesireeH]

Ditto! If it comes up and I feel the person may learn something they never knew then I do tell. I dont go around announcing it IRL but if someone asks how he did during shots I just say "no, we dont vaccinate" and I dont say anything else unless they ask. But I too would be in the dark if it wasnt mentioned to me. A friend of mine has 2 unvaxed children (after her first 2 DIED from allergic reactions).......I didnt even know about the other two children, all I knew was she had a 10 and 12 year old and that they werent vaxed, when she told me details is when I went and researched and researched to find any information I could. I am so thankful to her for sharing that with me otherwise my child might be harmed as well.

[Jazmommie]

This time of year -Christmas parties/family gatherings,etc & this years FLU hype -make it a good possibility that the topic will come up -

It did for me last night at a family members home we do not see but 1-2 times a year.

I only said that -No ,me & my kids do not get the flu vaccines -my brother said he HAD to for the company he works for -to prevent sick days I am sure-
another person there said she tried but her Dr s office was out of them.
I told them about Vit C & Oscillo....

I wanted to say we were religiously against them ,but went no further.

[StarMama]

We're still deciding if we're delaying and/or not having vaxes (I know he won't have some, just still doing research) and I only bring it up if I feel the person I'm speaking to won't run away screaming :LOL

I was talking to a friend about it today, she was wondering when he needed to go to the doctor for well visit checks for vaxes and such since she knows we skipped the 2 month one... I just briefly went over some of the stuff in vaccines and she was *shocked* and said "Why don't they TELL you this stuff is in vaccines?! When I have kids I might not vaccinate them either!" So I'm glad I brought it up to her so she can make an informed decision when she has kids. But I also already know that she trusts my decisions as being right for me and has never looked at me sideways for my ideas. However my best friend's mom is a nurse (oh boy did her mom have a silent FIT over the idea of homebirthing...) and she trusts her mother completely, so I'm not going to talk to her about it. No point to it. Its not like I'm putting her child at risk or anything, at least not by her thinking (that vaxes are 99.9999% effective).

[Wildcrafter]

I'm kind of dreading our 2 family get togethers coming up, because many times I spend most of the day defending myself and my "unusual" parenting practices. I hope NOT to get into a discussion with vac's with my oldest sister, who just had everybody in her family vac'd for chicken pox and flu, and who is always right about everything. And ds just had his 18 appt so I'm sure they will be asking...... But at least with my family, I feel safe to debate the issue.

I'm slightly afraid to talk about vac's in my community because they are so unilaterally supported by city, state and federal government, the medical community and everybody and their brother. I don't want ds to be ostracized (sp?) as he gets older.

La Leche League, where there are several other moms who don't vax, is the only place outside of family and these boards, that I feel safe discussing it. But on the other hand, isn't it through parent to parent support that most of the anti-vax info is spread?

But if anyone asks me I try to emphasize my concern with ds's respiratory problems during his first year and how I am not ruling anything out.

I did lie once about it when asked by Medicaid is shot were up to date. I was afraid of losing our insurance. Our state's dhs is very screwed up and kids get taken away easily without much evidence. I don't know anyone who had child taken away for not vaxing but I don't want to draw attention to the co-sleeping & extending breastfeeding, which most people around here think is wierd and unhealthy.

I can totally understand avoiding the topic. I guess no one wants to hear that what they have done to their child(ren) is harmful. Shit, I didn't want to know what I learned AFTER I vaxed ds a few times. But I'm sure glad I met those to gals at LLL who didn't vax and told me why.

Mary

[pilesoflaundry]

I don't plan on bringing it up unless asked. My neighbor asked if my kids got/will get the flu shot I said nope never will and briefly stated why. But I know she would thgink I lost it if I told her we were skipping the rest of the shots.

My mom is a nurse and I'm sure will have a fit if I tell her so I'm not bringing it up. if she asks about shots I will tell her but otherwise I'm keeping my mouth shut to avoid the speech.

[DirtyHippie]

I am pretty selective of who I tell, although some people I just tell them to irritate them.

[Sasha_girl]

If it comes up in public I simply state that we don't vax. If asked I provide some basic info (what dh calls "Vaccination for Dummies"). With my family the issue really does come up because Holden has a cousin a month to the day older than he is. On Thanksgiving her parents were going on and on about how Maggie cried after getting her shots and it just broke her mother's heart to watch and I was probably dreading Holden's shots, wasn't I? I just say that we're not vaxxing. A couple of cousins (the younger ones) acted genuinely interested and wanted more info while my older aunts looked at me like I was nuts.

Luckily I have a reputation in my family for studying everything, researching everything, etc. They may not agree with my decisions but nobody questions that those decisions are made after much thought and question.

[M_of_M]

Quite a few of you, people, stated that you don't talk about your views on vaxing. However, don't you ever think that by talking about it you might eventually end up helping some other parent make the informed choice when it comes to vaxing? In my case, if someone I know would have never brought up the fact of her grandkids being un-vaxed to me, I would probably continue vaxing till this day and never even question anything. I am very thankful to her.

I understand that you don't bring up the vax issue when you are around people who are definitely pro-vax. However, I am just wondering why you don't talk about your views with some other people who you think might vaccinate their kids coz the doctor said so?

I am asking about it because I have many friends who are childless at the moment but are planning to have children in the next year or so. I am sure they have absolutely no clue on vaxing and will simply "do it". I was planning to tell them about my opinion on this issue when it becomes relevant to them. However, are you saying that it is not worth bringing it up coz usually people don't take it well??? Please share your experience with me.

Also, what do you think is the better way to tell others about "other vax" stuff? I was thinking that maybe I will buy a book on vaxes for each of my friends without saying anything and let them decide on their own.

[nataliekat]

Originally posted by M_of_M
However, don't you ever think that by talking about it you might eventually end up helping some other parent make the informed choice when it comes to vaxing?

Of course I've thought of that. Have you ever thought about the possibility that you might casually tell someone who believes that not vaxing is akin to child abuse and might call the authorities on you? I'm terrified of losing my child. I cannot stand the thought of her being taken away from me to a foster home for even one night.

I'm sorry but I personally don't feel responsible for educating the world. That is not my calling. My calling is to protect the health of my child.

I wish I could be more open about it. But it's a very emotional subject for most people, whether they believe in it or not. Some people take it very personally if you don't vaccinate your kids.

[dharmama]

Also, what do you think is the better way to tell others about "other vax" stuff? I was thinking that maybe I will buy a book on vaxes for each of my friends without saying anything and let them decide on their own.

Personally I'd be more inclined to buy a more general natural parenting book (like one of Peggy O's) that discusses vax-ing w/out actually giving someone a book all about vaxing (or not vaxing) so as not to appear too pushy/preachy.

That would at least introduce them to the concept of questioning vax-ing...and also would introduce co-sleeping, sling-ing, CD-ing etc....as a bonus!!!

UNLESS....still thinking about this as I type : ...I presented it as a...this was a very helpful book for us when were researching the vax-ing issue...thought you might appreciate it...kind of thing. (I have done that with the Case Against Circumcision article in the past.)

~Erin (who is expecting #1 in June and just starting vax research)

[jessc79]

I, too, am afraid of DCFS. My DH's family has mentioned that not going to WBV is "abuse" and it scared me. My family considers nursing after 1 year "abuse" so I will probably "hide" that, too. I try to tell people who I think might be open-minded, but its hard to tell. It is so funny to me that these people think I am abusing my DS but see nothing wrong with leaving their babes to cry in their cribs for over an hour.

[applejuice]

My siblings and I were never vaxed.

As a young child through the 1950's, I was looked at as a real nut case because I was not vaxed. I did not have to tell anyone because they vaxed kids right at school and I was the only one not in line.

Children can be mean and they were sure mean to me! I was a pariah! The daughter of the "Quakerpractor"!

As an adult, I never tell anyone about my children's or my vax status unless that person is well-known as an anti-vax person.

I do not go around looking for trouble.

You are not helping anyone who does not agree with you by discussing it. The doctor in our culture is g-d and you are - ?
...a mom?

PLEASE!

[Tanibani]

No. Not unless I know them very well. For reasons already listed.

Though now all the parents at my preschool know because they put up a short list (5 kids) of kids who are not immunized (class of 50 kids, large class, lots of parent volunteers, kids ages 3-5), so my son's name is up there on the small bulletin board on the back. I'm guessing they put it up because of all the Flu hysteria going on.

Though I'm not upset about it. I'm not going to have a cow over it. Thankfully my preschool does allow philosophical exemptions, so I'm grateful to be there. I've heard my local Montessori school is way more strict about vax requirements.

However, I am considering talking to the Director about the Flumist... I overheard one parent talking about it. Her ped gave that to her kids. Flumist says that people who receive it should stay away from "immunocompromised" individuals for 21 days. They'll be coughing and sneezing 3 different live viruses for days afterward.

What I want to know is, who exactly is "immunocompromised"? Are pregnant women included in this list?

Ah, I found a definition:
http://www.medhelp.org/glossary2/new/gls_2625.htm

[grahamsmom98]

Tanibani, I would consider having your child's un-vaxxed status posted publically as a violation of privacy rights. I should think this is illegal.

How can the pre-school do this??

What difference does it make whether or not a child has been vaccinated and why is it anyone else's business???

Vaccines are not 100% effective so ALL the children in that daycare, vaccinated or not, ARE at risk for any contagion.

I would seriously blow my stack at the idea of your son basically wearing a scarlet letter.

[Tanibani]

Grahamsmom98, thanks, I appreciate the concern and your POV (I am not being sarcastic, I'm serious.)

But I truly hate disagreements. I'm not good with "fighting" with people or confrontations. I avoid it whenever I can. I won't back down from my stance, I just hate the tension. And if I can avoid tension, I will.

I am choosing to trust that the parents at this school aren't hysterical, frothing-at-the-mouth, pro-vax idiots who will report me to CPS. I refuse to get all up in arms about this (and stress myself out needlessly.)

I could easily point my fingers at the Flumist mom (make that an issue), and then create more unecessary drama. I don't want to do that unless I have to.

I guess I'll just have to quietly call the parents on that short list and see if they feel as you do... and go from there.

[grahamsmom98]

If the subject comes up, and it DOES a lot these days because of the flu bug, we tell.

People ask if we've gotten the flu shot and we say no way, no how, never will. Not to the flu vaccine, not to ANY vaccine.

When they ask, naturally, why, we tell them all the reasons about the flu vaccine first.

Then, if they are interested (generally, they are!), we explain how our son nearly died from a vaccine reaction within 30 seconds of receiving them at the age of 7 months. We then give the CliffNotes version of our research and explain some of the ingredients in vaccines.

By the time we're done (I am the more, shall we say, "aggressive" one!), THEY are either defending why they got the flu vaccine (or, any others) or asking where they can learn more!!

A co-worker of dh just had her two kids (ages 7 & 10) vaccinated against the flu. Both spent 24 hours barfing and dry-heaving afterwards. She just said, "Oh, you know how kids overreact to things! Besides, they need to be protected!"

This from people that have water filters on every faucet in the house because they fear the water has something to do with the high rate of MS in our area!! Let's not drink the water, but injecting chemicals is okay???

Some folks are clueless.

Leslie

[grahamsmom98]

QUOTE >>I am choosing to trust that the parents at this school aren't hysterical, frothing-at-the-mouth, pro-vax idiots who will report me to CPS. I refuse to get all up in arms about this (and stress myself out needlessly.)<<

But, see, it isn't about the parents,it is about the DAYCARE!!! They can't DO that. This is a violation of your privacy. How do they know this information? You obviously have told them he is not vaccinated. Is it in his personal file? Did you sign a consent form allowing this information to be posted?

If not, then you have to wonder what ELSE and WHO else the DAYCARE is informing about their clients. Daycares have to meet health requirements and if you fear other parents, you might rethink THAT idea and look at your daycare provider instead.