weird experience today. - Page 4

[limabean]

Originally Posted by Village Mama

While you are expected to share the space of a lunch counter you would probably be irrritated if someone touched your food or helped themselves to the cafe newspaper ( which is a communal item) without asking if you were willing to part with it first.

Right ... I'm confused. Is the dollhouse the counter or the newspaper now? Because I don't see it as an individual item like food or a newspaper. That's what I'm saying -- some people (like me) see a dollhouse as big enough to be played with by multiple kids at once, and some people (like you, I'm guessing) see it as an individual toy. Differences arise when kids with differing opinions on that issue are trying to play with it.

[jennybear]

OP: Is the dollhouse quite large?

Based on the follow-up (you pulling down another dollhouse from a shelf), it sounds like maybe these toys are individual toys? I can see where this may have been tricky if that's how the other mom/kid were approaching the dollhouse.

[Village Mama]

Maybe I am seeing the things inside the dollhouse as the newspaper. Something that the child is engrossed in while at the " lunch counter". I see the dollhouse as a toy that can be used by multiple children potentially but it may be a personal thing that a kid can't just barge in on without much thought and just start doing thier own thing. My newspaper analogy was kind of for that reason. I am happy to share sections that I have read with a couple of other people at the lunch counter, but say , if I know that I am a fast reader and I only have 5 min, I may not want to give you the last section that I have been looking forward to reading because then I know that I wont have time to read it. I might say " I am not quite finished with this portion of the paper but I will give it to you when I am done". I think that that is fine to state that desire. The other adult may insist that it is a communal paper and therefore they are just going to take it... but that would be a little pushy and rude to interrupt in that way?
Things get all muddled when we use too many analogies I think! lol
What I am trying to say is that I can imagine being in my own space with a game or item. I think that there are polite ways to join into an activity and I don't think that kids should just expect to bypass that step of social grace either. I also think that it should be well within a childs right to do something solo for a min and I fully encourage my kids to state those needs as well as they can.

[Ks Mama]

Originally Posted by Village Mama

What I am trying to say is that I can imagine being in my own space with a game or item. I think that there are polite ways to join into an activity and I don't think that kids should just expect to bypass that step of social grace either. I also think that it should be well within a childs right to do something solo for a min and I fully encourage my kids to state those needs as well as they can.

I completely agree.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by Village Mama

Things get all muddled when we use too many analogies I think! lol

I agree! And now I want a rueben sandwich or something at a nice old fashioned lunch counter.

(I still wish someone would answer my train table question. That seems like a toy that's more obviously intended for multiple kids, where it'd be rude to monopolize it. But I can see that a dollhouse is in a more gray area, and your points about individual play are good ones.)

[Village Mama]

There is no question in my mind that a train table would be for multiple children at once and that it would be rude to monopolise it. It still is an opportunity in my mind for cooperative play however.... but at least there are usually four sides so that someone can have a little bit of space to build something really cool, for example. Just because it is a multiple kid space doesn't mean that each kid has the " right" to all of the space and all of the toys within it.

[momtoS]

The first dollhouse was about this size:
http://www.dolldiaries.com/images/fi...-dollhouse.jpg

The second one, that my daughter pointed out after the girl was crying was smaller...about this size.

http://www.storyboardtoys.com/galler...tional-toy.jpg

The about pictures are not the exact dollhouses....just posting so everyone can get an idea of the size.

[BunnySlippers]

I would tell the mom that the dollhouse was public property and made for sharing.

[Ks Mama]

Both of those I'd be okay with single-play, even in a public/group setting. So I'm standing by my assertions on the subject.

Thanks for the photos!

[EnviroBecca]

A train table is a good comparison and one that I have lots of experience with: There's a train table at our local library, and my son ADORES trains, and it's only a 2'x3' table with half a dozen traincars and not much track. We have been in every one of these situations at some point:
1. He and another kid start playing at the same time, and eventually the other kid is vrooming the traincar my kid wants or changing the track my kid laid out.
2. Another kid is playing when mine arrives and disrupts what the other kid was doing.
3. My kid is playing when another kid arrives and disrupts what my kid was doing.

In #1 I believe they have equal say in deciding what happens on the train table. I tell them that each of them will have to work around what the other one wants to do. The trains are Sharing Toys that belong to all of us. If my kid can't handle it and is flipping out, it's time to do something else and maybe return to the train table when nobody else is there.

In #2 I explain to my kid that the other kid has something set up already. If the other kid can talk, I ask him/her to show my kid what he can do here. If it's a toddler, I tell my kid that we'll have to be patient because this baby is just learning about sharing. If my kid insists on ignoring the other's plans and the other is getting upset, I say, "Let's go read a story. We'll come back to the trains later."

In #3 I tell my kid to explain politely instead of grabbing. Usually he needs help figuring out how the other kid can be involved: She can push this car; she can help you look for the track that will connect those two, etc. If my kid is too bossy and is hurting the other's feelings (or fingers!), I remind him that these are Sharing Toys and that he has his own trains at home; if he wants to play with these trains, he has to share them with other kids; now, can he work it out, or would he like to read a story?

Seems to me the same approach could apply to a dollhouse. Where there's another dollhouse available, I'd definitely try to interest the later-arriving child in that one. With a big dollhouse, maybe they could divide the rooms, dolls, and furnishings--much as "who's going to vroom the train" issues can be resolved by breaking it into two shorter trains.

[DaughterOfKali]

I don't think the other mother handled the situation nicely. She could have come over to you to discuss it.

There's a dollhouse at our local library. I view it as something to be shared.