Birthday party question

[HappyLittleHouse]

My kids' birthdays are about 1 month apart, and our anniversary is right between the two. They are three years apart. The birthdays are at the end of the summer and I was thinking of renting a big, private picnic area at a local park and having a big barbecue to celebrate both kids and the anniversary all together. Last year, we were told to reserve 6 months in advance since it fills up fast for summer, so I'm thinking about it now!

DH thinks this mean to the kids and they should each get their special day, not have to share it. I would of course still do something special for each child on their own birthday. DH is an only child, if that makes a difference, and my brother and I had birthdays about 6 months apart so this was never an issue for our families.

What do you think? Would a big family birthday party be shortchanging the kids? Should I have two parties a month apart for the kids? Many of the guests will be the same for both parties.

[momtoS]

My friends two boys are about three weeks apart in the summer. She has one party of the two of them and it is great! They have never had an issue. They are only 3 and 5, prehaps when they get older they might want something separate?

Go for it!

[greenmansions]

One party, especially if the guest lists are pretty much identical.

[momtokea]

Two of my kids have their birthdays one week apart in October. I have always done one family party that includes the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Then they each get their own little party with friends.
So during that week we are hosting 3 parties. By the end of it I am tired of all the partying, but everyone is happy and it's just once a year.

[TEAK's Mom]

My middle sister and I are three years apart, but our birthdays are only two days apart (hers is the 6th and mine is the 8th). Growing up, we always had a special dinner with cake and presents just for our immediate family on the days of our birthdays. Then, on whatever weekend was most convenient, we had a shared party for friends. I think that my parents started this for efficiency reasons, but we really liked it and continued to do it even when we had the option of having separate parties. Part of the reason was that it was easier to talk our parents into parties at the roller rink or Chuck E. Cheese if we combined things. It also freed us to invite only real friends and friends of different ages. We are both serious introverts and appreciated the freedom not to have to invite the whole class (or anyone from school for that matter).

Even as adults, we celebrate together if at all possible.

[limabean]

How does your son feel about it? If he doesn't mind, I don't see anything wrong with having a combined party, especially since the guest list will be the same. And then just do a small family celebration on each of their special days -- sounds great!

[snoopy5386]

my cousins have birthdays 3 weeks apart. When they were small, they had one party together. There mom did separate themed cakes for each of them. When they got to school age she stopped having family parties for them and switched to individual friend parties. I think at this age a shared party would be fine. FWIW, I would and plan to have shared parties for my kids if their bdays are close together, BUT, I wouldn't do it for a 1st birthday, that one is special IMO and deserves its own party.

[SkyMomma]

My half-brother & I are 6 years & 1 week apart...my mom always had seperate parties for us, something I really appreciated as a I grew up. She saw it as an opportunity to really celebrate each of us individually. They were small, simple, immediate family parties when I was young, then became more elaborate, bigger parties as I was older.

At my dads house, we always did a combined June party: My b-day, my dad's b-day, father's day, my dad & step-mom's anniversary. It was fun, but not really my party. This was OK, I got lots of special b-day TLC from my mom, but the difference was pretty dramatic.

I find myself leaning more towards my mom's style. My DS1 b-day is always just before thanksgiving & I really keep his birthday a seperate, special event. But I think it depends on the age difference & the family culture. At your LO ages, I think you can create the bday culture that you would like & they'll be thrilled.

[Heavenly]

I view birthday's as a way to completely celebrate that one person for that day. I have two children who have birthdays four DAYS apart and I still have separate party's for them. My birthday is June 8 and my anniversary is June 19 and I would be hurt if my DH suggested we just celebrate them together. I vote separate parties.

[onlyzombiecat]

My sister's birthday is about 1 month before mine and my parent's anniversary is 1 month before that. She was 3 years older than me. I would have felt upset if I had to always have shared parties.

It probably isn't a big deal if it is strictly a group family party. I would try to keep friend parties separate and your anniversary.

I would just ask your kids what they want when they are old enough to have an opinion.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

I view birthday's as a way to completely celebrate that one person for that day. I have two children who have birthdays four DAYS apart and I still have separate party's for them. My birthday is June 8 and my anniversary is June 19 and I would be hurt if my DH suggested we just celebrate them together. I vote separate parties.

Are your parties just your nuclear family, or do you invite extended family? If you invite people, do they all live very near by? I think these situations can get more complicated for people who like to invite grandparents, etc. who have to drive far for a party -- wouldn't want to make everyone do it twice in 4 days, you know?

[momtokea]

One year when my ds was turning 3 and my dd was turning 5 I planned two separate family parties on each birthday, one week apart. My ornery sil decided she couldn't be bothered coming again the following week (she lives 20 mins away) and brought both gifts to the first party. DD remembers that Auntie didn't come to her 5th birthday party, and was quite hurt.
So, watch out for ornery relatives:

[SaraC]

I have 3 almost 4 kids who are all born/going to be born in a 6 week time span. From March 3 to April 13 we will have 4(3 in March alone) birthdays to celebrate. I do individual parties for each but they are not huge. I usually start once they are making friends and I have people other than my best friend and her 3 boys to invite. Before that it is just my family(DH and kiddos) and my best friends family. I am kind of picky about it though since I was born December 24 and NEVER got a friend party. I always got the family party, which I loved, but I always wanted to have a friend or two over. But it never worked for obvious reasons.

[HappyLittleHouse]

Thanks for all the responses!

We would definitely do something special with each child on his/her birthday if we shared a party. Monkey also gets the cupcakes at preschool celebration, which is all he had last year with a one-month-old sister! (We took him out to eat and had presents and cake, too, but no party.)

At this young age, it is a pretty overlapping guest list, and we do have the out of town guests driving in. Like some others mentioned, I don't know that they're going to want to come twice in under a month.

It is important that each of the kids feels special and celebrated and I don't want to make them to resent sharing.

momtokea, I like that plan of one party for family and a small friend party closer to each kid's birthday. Baby Birdie obviously doesn't yet have her own friends, but Monkey does and he'd like having a separate kid party.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by momtokea

One year when my ds was turning 3 and my dd was turning 5 I planned two separate family parties on each birthday, one week apart. My ornery sil decided she couldn't be bothered coming again the following week (she lives 20 mins away) and brought both gifts to the first party. DD remembers that Auntie didn't come to her 5th birthday party, and was quite hurt.
So, watch out for ornery relatives:

There are plenty of times when we wouldn't be able to make it to 2 parties 2 weekends in a row. Gifts and party attendance are nice, but not required -- invitations have two possible responses, and I think it's a host's duty to accept either one graciously.

I can understand your DD being disappointed, but I'd work on letting her know that people are busy, and focus on how nice it was of Auntie to think of her and bring a gift the week before.

[pinksprklybarefoot]

IMO, it's not like you are setting a precedent for the rest of their lives by having a joint party this year. It sounds like it could be a lot of fun with a big group at a park. If they enjoy the joint party this year and want to do it again next year, cool. If not, cool - have seperate parties. But now would be a good age to see how it goes.

[ChetMC]

Depends on How You do It

Our girls would be thrilled to share a party. I think it's fine as long as each person feels like they are being celebrated.

If a child has to constantly compromise on their birthday to make a joint party possible, they could certainly feel short changed. But many people are completely successful with joint parties.

Like I said, our girls would LOVE a shared party... but, they have the same friends, same the likes, the same interests... they just don't have the same birth date. Our oldest has almost the same birthday as DS, but planning a joint party for a say a 3 year old boy and a 7 year old girl would be a lot harder.

[karemore]

Based on the age of your kids I would go ahead and do it this year. Like someone else said you don't have to do it every year for the rest of their lives.

Your daughter isn't going to know the difference and your son will think the whole thing is for him!

It's sounds like a great time!

[Peony]

I wouldn't have a problem doing it when they are quite young but not for older children. My sister and I had birthdays 9 days apart and I am thankful that we always had separate parties. As a child I felt like I had to share enough with my little sister, sharing a B-Day party would of been too much.

[MacKinnon]

My kids are about 3 weeks apart. We had a joint party last year for DD's 4th and DS's 1st, this year we are having half birthday parties, together in the summer (their birthdays Jan/Feb, we are moving to summer half birthday parties rather than winter parties right by Christmas). As long as we are having primarily family parties, with a few family friends, we will continue to do them together. When one of them objects, or shows a strong interest in having their own party, we will start doing friend parties, but will probably still have one family celebration. I'm thinking DD will be interested first sometime in early elementary? 7 or so?

ETA: We do separate celebrations with our little family of 4 for each of them. It's important to me that they feel individually special and celebrated.