Birthday party question - Page 2

[momtokea]

Originally Posted by limabean

There are plenty of times when we wouldn't be able to make it to 2 parties 2 weekends in a row. Gifts and party attendance are nice, but not required -- invitations have two possible responses, and I think it's a host's duty to accept either one graciously.

I can understand your DD being disappointed, but I'd work on letting her know that people are busy, and focus on how nice it was of Auntie to think of her and bring a gift the week before.

It wasn't a case of not being able to make it. It was a case of not being bothered, for no reason.

We did accept it graciously, even though she didn't decline graciously.
Auntie wasn't busy, she said so herself. She just couldn't be bothered.
We were thankful for the gift. It's not about gifts, and of course I let dd know that auntie was nice to bring a gift the week before and we thanked her. I don't know where in my post you read that we were the ungracious ones.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by momtokea

It wasn't a case of not being able to make it. It was a case of not being bothered, for no reason.

We did accept it graciously, even though she didn't decline graciously.
Auntie wasn't busy, she said so herself. She just couldn't be bothered.
We were thankful for the gift. It's not about gifts, and of course I let dd know that auntie was nice to bring a gift the week before and we thanked her. I don't know where in my post you read that we were the ungracious ones.

I'm sure you were gracious, and I trust your judgment on whether your SIL was rude. The part I'm concerned about is your DD's feelings of rejection and her view of her aunt. One thing I appreciate so much now is how my mom kept me 100% out of any family squabbles, and was careful to never bad-mouth a family member (including my deadbeat dad) in front of me.

So if a scenario like the one you described occurred, I wouldn't have known that my aunt just didn't care to come to my party -- my mom would have worded it in a way that made it sound like she just wasn't able to be there, to spare my feelings and preserve my positive image of my aunt. Maybe you're doing this too, but it didn't sound like it in your post.

[momtokea]

Originally Posted by limabean

I'm sure you were gracious, and I trust your judgment on whether your SIL was rude. The part I'm concerned about is your DD's feelings of rejection and her view of her aunt. One thing I appreciate so much now is how my mom kept me 100% out of any family squabbles, and was careful to never bad-mouth a family member (including my deadbeat dad) in front of me.

So if a scenario like the one you described occurred, I wouldn't have known that my aunt just didn't care to come to my party -- my mom would have worded it in a way that made it sound like she just wasn't able to be there, to spare my feelings and preserve my positive image of my aunt. Maybe you're doing this too, but it didn't sound like it in your post.

Yes, I understand what you are saying. I did explain to my daughter that auntie couldn't make it. She understands when people are busy with other commitments, and telling her that auntie couldn't be bothered would have only hurt dd's feelings, and that was the last thing I wanted.

My relationship with my sil is rocky, so yes, I probably did sound bitter about it. I am very careful to leave my children out of any squabbles, even though it gets tiresome defending sil's behavior.