"she's got her hands full" - Page 4

[cotopaxi]

Originally Posted by Llyra

My kids are not a public spectacle, and it's rude of them to make us into a public spectacle.

Wow. Making one offhand comment is making you into a public spectacle? People talk to me when I go out in public too. Often something along the lines of "got your hands full" too even though I only have one. It's just something people say. Or, "Cold enough for you?" every place I go when it's freezing out. There are just little comments that people make without meaning anything at all by them. It's called "small talk."

[3pink1blue]

I hear that I have my hands full al the time. I don't mind. But one time a random person about my age said in a really mean voice, "WOW. Think you can have more kids?Sheesh." She said it right to my face. It was a bad day and I nearly came unglued on her. (I am in the recovery stages of PPD, and it was one of *those* days.)

The hands full comment doens't bother me. I see it as admiration or sympathy. If I feel like super mom that day, I say "Oh it's no big deal at all, really. Very easy." If it's a stressful day I say "Yep. I sure do." I think people say that kind of thing to be conversational, not even realizing that it can be taken the wrong way.

[Llyra]

Originally Posted by cotopaxi

Wow. Making one offhand comment is making you into a public spectacle? People talk to me when I go out in public too. Often something along the lines of "got your hands full" too even though I only have one. It's just something people say. Or, "Cold enough for you?" every place I go when it's freezing out. There are just little comments that people make without meaning anything at all by them. It's called "small talk."

But that's not how it is for us, not always. I have had people literally laughing at me, when I'm trying to just get my errands done and go about my life. I was once accosted by some stranger in the whole foods who started telling me in this shaming voice what a sad sorry thing it was when "kids" as young as me are having so many kids (I'm 33; I have 3 kids) and other similar incidents. It's not just small talk; I don't mind that. You're right; some people ARE just trying to be friendly and welcoming and show an interest. It's different. Then there's the ones who say things like, "Are they twins? Are you SURE?" or "They're not twins, you're crazy; they don't look a bit alike" or the ones who want to know "are they natural?"

Yeah, having multiples sometimes turns you into a public spectacle, and I don't feel the need to be endlessly polite when other people aren't.

[OakBerry]

I've often said this to other mothers that I meet. I say it in respect, because I only have one, and it's hard to be out and about with just one sometimes!
If somebody said something rude to me because of that I'd be pissed.

[mistymama]

Well I know I've said this to people before, but totally out of admiration and respect .. like, Wow your family is really cool .. I honestly never thought about having your hands full being a BAD thing!

I come from a big family, the youngest two are identical twins. I remember how our family used to get annoyed because EVERYWHERE we went we were stopped multiple times with the "are they twins?" comment .. and it's obvious they are twins, but people jsut want to make small talk. I remember my Mom so clearly telling us to always be polite, people are just curious and wanting to talk to us. So we would always answer them, and try not to be annoyed that a gazillion people just asked us if the two kids who are dressed the same, that can't be told apart are twins.

I'm sure it's the same with large families. But more often than not, I think it's admiration for what you are doing.

Of course we've all had our share of rude comments. Even having only one child does not spare you from that, esp one like mine with severe sensory issues. Oh, the gems I heard and could share with you when he used to melt down in public.

I love some of the comebacks posted here .. esp "yes, they are full, just the way I want them!"

[cotopaxi]

Originally Posted by Llyra

But that's not how it is for us, not always. I have had people literally laughing at me, when I'm trying to just get my errands done and go about my life. I was once accosted by some stranger in the whole foods who started telling me in this shaming voice what a sad sorry thing it was when "kids" as young as me are having so many kids (I'm 33; I have 3 kids) and other similar incidents. It's not just small talk; I don't mind that. You're right; some people ARE just trying to be friendly and welcoming and show an interest. It's different. Then there's the ones who say things like, "Are they twins? Are you SURE?" or "They're not twins, you're crazy; they don't look a bit alike" or the ones who want to know "are they natural?"

Yeah, having multiples sometimes turns you into a public spectacle, and I don't feel the need to be endlessly polite when other people aren't.

Ok, well that is totally different when random strangers give you lectures. From your first post I got the idea that you turned to your dd and said "can't people thing of anything smarter to say" every time someone simply said "got your hands full, eh?"