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Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot  I agree it's serious and needs to be dealt with, but I would fear that 'forbidding use' could lead to more deception and lies. If he really wants to play, then he may choose to sneak around and find another way to get what he wants which could lead him closer to the kind of behavior you AREN'T wanting instead of helping him understand the severity of it.
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Maybe I am old fashoned, but I think it is a parents job to make rules and enforce them. It also a parents job to teach their children about life, doing what is right, consequences, and so forth.
I would, and have, forbidden use to the computer to my children. And I know where my children are and what they are doing, so there is not sneaking around to find another way.
To be blunt, the computer is mine, and it is a privilage for my children to use it. They can lose that privilage. They can also earn that privilage back. Real life involves serious consequesnces. If someone had done something inappropriate at work, for example, and had lied to his boss about it, his boss would not be worried about him sneaking around and doing it behind his back; he would be out of a job. This is life.
I want my children to understand that their actions have consequenses that are real and can be lasting. I want them to do what is right because it is right, not because they may get caught. They must understand their boundries, their rules, and their responsibilities. And they must understand the differences between rights and privilages.
If they can learn what is right and desire to do it, THEN you can work with them. If they make a mistake, an error in judgement, THEN you can work with them. If they choose to do something deliberatly that is wrong, then you must take action to correct it. If they choose to add on to that wrong with lies and deception, to allow it now just shows that it worked, and it will happen again. Lies and deception are BIG no-no's in my house. To make a mistake is human, to lie and decieve me about it is a fatal mistake.
In the instance of the OP, if my child had made an error in judgement and signed up for something without my knowledge, I would have canceled the service, put consequences in place (probably no computer for a couple of days and under supervision for a week beyond that, and then from there an understanding that it is totally unacceptable to do that, and why).
However, if it was done with deliberate intent (which is shown by his giving them a fake name), deception (shown by him knowingly given false information and not telling you), and lies (telling you he did not know, then giving a wrong amount when confronted), the consequense would be MUCH more severe. I would have banned the computer for no less than 30 days. Canceled the account immediately. Put a password implace on the computer to keep compliance. Banned the site itself (in any form) for no less than 60 days. And mandated a probationary peroid of 30-60 days of supervised computer access to ensure that there were no futher decptions and the lesson had truely been learned.
I know, this may not be the concensus here. But I think children are children and parents are parents. That means that there are rules to be followed, and they are not entitled to privilages. They are to be respectful of authority, honor their parents, be honest and trustworthy, and understand the need of consequences, or at least that they will happen. I think it is my job to teach them about the real world and how to live an honorable life in it.
This episode happened with a 10 year old child. We are not talking about an adlut, or even a teenager that is nearly an adult. A 10 year old needs to learn now that it is wrong.
But that is just MO. But I know I am a bit old fashioned in that department.
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