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DH putting down my country - Page 2

post #21 of 35
You are actually discussing it with him?
I had a very similar problem with one of my ex boyfriends. He cut me no slack at all and all the bad, discriminatory remarks.
I ended up ignoring it and telling him to get his facts right. Here is a leaflet read over it and then come back and give me your opinion.
And saying such and such is comunist when it clearly isnt is not an opinion.
I am feeling with you!
The feeling of rejection and being misunderstood is so bad. Hope you find a way to improve the situation. Good luck.
post #22 of 35
OP- Does your DH read/watch a lot of American and/or conservative media? I know that in the US Hugo Chavez is often portrayed as a communist power-hungry crazy person. [My understanding is that Chavez and socialist programs in Venezuela resemble happenings in Scandanavian countries more than someplace like Cuba.] But I could see where your DH could have gotten the impression that he has the way Fox News, etc. talk about things. Sounds like a great opening for him to learn more about your country. Maybe you guys could watch movies from Venezuela-historical or documentaries or just something fun to give him a better taste if things.
post #23 of 35
Thread Starter 
rico'salice, yes he is known to send me links about anything bad that happens in Venezuela, the reality is most of those things don't affect me or my life in any way, I do believe Chavez is a Power-hungry crazy person, he's really smart though, he has had some good ideas, but they generally fail because our institutions are very corrupted, the reason Chavez is president still is because Venezuela has money, tons of it, enough to throw around like it is candy to keep his followers happy, we will see what happens now with the lower oil prices. But just because our president is a crazy person with communist ideas, doesn't make Venezuela a communist country we are a democracy. And with of all that I still rather live here than in Canada, maybe that makes me a crazy person too, but I kind of like all of the political turmoil, I feel we are making history every second, I like the fact that I can tell my children all about it, and I was here when it happened, our students are critical thinkers, our children know about our constitution, and our history and how we got here. I think it makes life more interesting. And we have sunshine year around
post #24 of 35
Being a Canadian living through winter, I think you've got a pretty sweet deal. Plus, who wouldn't LOOOOVE Venezuelan food?

Hugs at having to deal with this from him, what do you think it would take to just cut it out?
post #25 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Louise* View Post

what i wanted to say was yes your country is so sad and boring that they have to put suicide barriers on the bridges so people don't jump off of them that often,


Okay. I read this and I honestly wondered if you were talking about Vancouver. I was born and raised there.

Interestingly enough when I was living in Phoenix, Arizona I found the culture such a shock that all I wanted to do was come home. Now that I live in Portland Oregon, I never want to even visit. I have found my home.

And for what it is worth, you will probably be happier in Venezuela from your description. I am confused though. Aren't you living in Venezuela now? Where is your DH living? If he is living in Venezuela with you is he homesick? And how did he get there anyway?
post #26 of 35
Okay, DH is English and I'm Irish; you know how well those two countries have gotten along together historically, right?

We had a ding-dong row early in our relationship where we both said some pretty nasty things about each other's country. Neither of us are terribly patriotic, but to have your country of origin torn apart is tantamount to a personal criticism. When the dust had settled we made an agreement never to criticise something about the other person's country that we wouldn't happily criticise about our own. We're both of a socialist mind-set, so we can have good clean fun bashing the capitalist nonsense that goes on in both countries, but nobody's feelings get hurt.

Really for someone to have such a low opinion of the country you come from is just the same as being bigoted over something else personal, like hair colour, or skin tone, or body shape.
post #27 of 35
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by FancyPants View Post


Okay. I read this and I honestly wondered if you were talking about Vancouver. I was born and raised there.

Interestingly enough when I was living in Phoenix, Arizona I found the culture such a shock that all I wanted to do was come home. Now that I live in Portland Oregon, I never want to even visit. I have found my home.

And for what it is worth, you will probably be happier in Venezuela from your description. I am confused though. Aren't you living in Venezuela now? Where is your DH living? If he is living in Venezuela with you is he homesick? And how did he get there anyway?
Lol its complicated, we met in the US then we lived here for about 3 months, then i went to canada on a 6 months visitors visa the our plan was to come back here, but Dh has a lot of debt in Canada that make it impossible for him to move her right now so I agreed to move to Canada for a while, while we do the paperwork for me to go there and be able to work I have to stay in venezuela.

I honestly do not have anything against Canada, the bridge thing was kind of shocking to me like if its enough of a problem to have to put a barrier why don't you do something to stop people from wanting to jump off the bridges.

One good thing is that Dh does loves our food, the first time he came here he brought a bunch of instant breakfast and granola bars thinking he would not like our food, but he loves it for the most part, he even says its better than canadian food.

And the living here or there is not that much of an issue we both came to an agreement that we would be better financially here than there, is just the insensitive comments he makes that drive me crazy and hurt.
post #28 of 35
lol Not to make light, but really, lol. My dh was not born in the US, but I was. If you ever want to crawl into a hole, just sit around at the dinner table with a boat- load of Euro citz and be a US citz by birth.

What can you do?:but eat?
post #29 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Louise* View Post

I honestly do not have anything against Canada, the bridge thing was kind of shocking to me like if its enough of a problem to have to put a barrier why don't you do something to stop people from wanting to jump off the bridges.
But what could they do? And who would "they" be?
The weather cannot be changed without massive environmental consequences
post #30 of 35
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by FancyPants View Post
But what could they do? And who would "they" be?
The weather cannot be changed without massive environmental consequences
I don't know is the weather the only reason people want to jump off a bridge? I would say invest in programs to offer help with depression I don't know it just seems if someone wants to kill themselves a suicide barrier is not likely to stop it, on the other hand one of my husband friends says the government keeps sending him letters with incentives to trade his old truck, he says he wants no part of it he is all for global warming, he's going to leave every light in his house on until he can plant a banana tree in his backyard.

And "they" are I guess who ever doesn't want people jumping off the bridges so they decided to put a barrier.
post #31 of 35
ell, I'm Canadian and haven't a clue what are these references some of you are making about bridges! ? I actually love our winters and find it a very multi-cultural country - at least where I live! And for the record, being a 10th generation Canadian - I hate "instant breakfast and granola bars". I wouldn't consider those Canadian foods - but rather packaged garbage!

But to the OP - your husband is certainly not representative of Canadians. He is an individual and with his bashing mean comments - I'd say it is a power tool. An immature way of dealing with frustration, anger and trying to control a situation. Just based on what you're saying. I'd try to get him to discuss your issues in a calm fashion and make these comments about each other's countries - a no-go area. Try to verbally draw a boundary I guess and refuse to speak with him etc. if he is dealing out these comments?

Good luck - these issues sound complicated.
post #32 of 35
Thread Starter 
Honestly, I have let it go a lot, a lot, that sunday and the communist thing was a last straw kind of thing, since then he has not made a negative comment about Venezuela, maybe he stills thinks them but at least he's not saying them to me, the other times he said something I would made a comment half kidding on how that wasn't right or how closed minded or racist he is, I thought he would get a hint, but since that didn't happened I told him those things hurt my feelings when he says them and that finally seemed to work.

I'm not saying those things are canadian food, he justs takes them when traveling because he thinks he won't like the food anywhere he goes, he said he had to live on those when he went to mexico because the food was so bad .

The bridges thing when I was there, they were building this new bridge and its most important feature was the suicide barrier, I was surprised by it, and Dh was the one that explained that is because people jump off so much, actually there were a few times that we two stuck in traffic because someone had jumped and they closed some of the roads, and that was in spring-summer.

Also I do not think Canada is sad and boring thats just what went though my mind when he was bad mouthing my country, I did get the "blues" form time to time something that had never happened to me here, but that had more to do with being away from my friends and family.
post #33 of 35
Louise I'm sad your husband has made such comments. (My DH and I have our issues too so I'm certainly not casting stones at your DH!) I can imagine if I moved to another country and missed my home and then my partner was making such remarks - very upsetting.

I just wonder if these comments ... it's more a symptom of something deeper. I mean if this target was not available (you being from another country) would he choose something else to attack or ridicule? I'm sorry - I only read the posts here - I haven't met your DH - but his comments reminds me of a few other men I've encountered in my life. They seem to not be able to function outside of a narrow comfort zone. Foreign food, culture, people - all are seen as threatening. I'm not sure if your husband falls into this sort of personality?

My only advice is to do what I try to do with my DH (and my explosive 5 y/o DS), look beyond the words and see what is underlying. Ask him and tell him. (Sorry, if you've done this already!) It's unacceptable that he make such negative comments and why? Perhaps he wont' be able to articulate to you but it might help him examine his own mindset?

One thing I see in my own personality, my DH's and my little boys - fear and anxiety often mask themselves. I wonder if you husband is just afraid of the unknown. Instead of expressing out right fear and anxiousness - he masks it with these negative comments? It sounds like he is afraid of change and something new?

Good luck with this situation. I wish I could help. It sounds familiar - similar to issues I've seen in other households yet very hard to fix quickly.
post #34 of 35
Louise, I find your husband's attitude toward your home country extremely chauvinistic and you have every right to be upset and to demand that he stop.

My husband is British and but we live here in the U.S. Generally, I have no problem with his criticisms; I, too, am critical of many aspects of life in the U.S. But recently he was seriously bashing my hometown, Detroit, where we live. To make a point, I said, "God, Newcastle [his hometown] is such a sh*&hole! Who would ever want to live there?!" I don't think he got how his criticisms were too personal until I said that, and then he apologized. Since then, he's actually praised Detroit a bit.

I'm tempted to say that all this will change if your dh moves to Venezuela; how could he possibly live with his preconceptions when he is actually living there? But having lived abroad for a number of years, I knew people who were really ignorant and critical of the country where I lived (Taiwan). So I guess what I'm saying is, it's important that you reach and understanding and let him know that in no uncertain terms may he say ignorant, offensive things about your home.

Your situation has reminded me of a David Sedaris book, "Me Talk Pretty One Day." It is a (hilarious) series of essays on his moving to France from the U.S. and his thoughts and experiences there. One thing that he said that I *so* related to from traveling abroad as a very young woman (19) was the realization that America (substitute Canada in your dh's case) is not number one, that other countries are patriotic, too, or as, David Sedaris writes (paraphrased), "other countries have mottos, too, none of which are, 'We are number 2.'" The book is riotously funny and maybe reading it would be a way for your husband to realize his ignorance and begin to be more open-minded...?
post #35 of 35
My Ex Husband (Us American) would pull stuff like that with me, non stop. (I am German)

But then he also was an abusive piece of UA Violation. And in the mind of an abuser ANYTHING goes to put you down-whether is your height, hair colour or origin.

Even the day of the divorce he tried to tell me "no wonder nobody trusts you, nobody trusts an East German"....

There was a lot of stuff I listened to in 5 years.

DH and I certainly disagree (I am a Euro loudmouth) on things- but never to the point of hurting each other because of our passports. That's ridiculous.
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