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Originally Posted by esmejoy  Thanks all -- I'll be getting these from the library asap!
Ms. Apricot -- I see you have a teenager, so I'm going to pick on you for my next question (borrowed from another thread of mine -- not sure who is more obsessive at this point -- my son about trains, or ME about my son's obsession about trains!). I'm trying to figure out a balance between fulfilling my son's NEED for all things train without becoming totally single-minded about it. For instance -- do I get him a whole lot of trains, books, etc., because I know he wants whatever he can get his hands on, or do I try to keep him more balanced? Any thoughts, from someone who has BTDT? What is your son into now, at 14??
-esme
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Talk about a loaded question, LOL!
I think the answer has a lot to do with the individual parenting style and the individual personality of the child. I tend toward a "child-led" focus - as long as the child has an interest, and it's not unsafe or immoral, we follow the child's interest. I find most children are pretty good scientists, thinkers and self-educators - they investigate, observe, analyze....you just have to give them the opportunity. Once they've learned what they want they move on to something new. For some kids, they move on pretty quickly - others take a while.
I set boundaries based on a few things - safety, of course, and to a certain extent, developmental readiness. I was always surprised at how they would stretch themselves, though - it's easy to underestimate what a child is capable of learning. The child's own frustration level is a pretty good guide.
It's sort of a Montessori philosophy - set some boundaries for security, then allow them lots of freedom within those boundaries to explore at their own pace and according to their own interests. Still challenge them to develop new skills and abilities - and continue to expose them to new things. I don't think children naturally stagnate - if you give them room to learn, they will.
As for balance - I think you can respect someone's interests and allow them to pursue them, and still offer some opportunities to try other things too. It's what I would do with my friends - see movies they like, or read their suggestions for book club, or go to museums they like, and alternate with things I like to do. So why not do the same with my children? If they weren't interested immediately, I would sometimes wait and try again in a week or month or year.
That's a long winded way of saying that we pretty much indulged my ds with his obsession with trains when he was that age. He had Brio train sets, watched Thomas on t.v., read train books, wore sweaters and pyjamas decorated with trains, drank from a mug with a train design, and every day, we walked to the train tracks a few blocks from our house to watch trains at least a couple of times per day (it's his earliest memory - a friendly neighbour would give him cookies while he crouched on the lawn to watch)...
During that time, he learned visual-spatial skills (building tracks), classification systems (different kinds of trains and train cars), physics (basic laws of locomotion - speed, velocity), imaginative play. He learned some basic study skills - books have information, learning one thing often leads to learning about something else (e.g. trains need fuel to move - there are different fuel systems - coal-fired, steam-powered, electric etc.). He also learned that his parents respected his interests and that learning is fun.
It lasted about 2 or 3 years, and slowly gave way to dinosaurs. Then Pokemon. His most recent obsession is music - he has just been accepted to a prestigious music school for high school, and he intends to make it a career.
In case that makes him sound narrow-focused, he also played organized hockey in the winter and soccer in the summer, reads widely (Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, but also 1984, A Clockwork Orange, Neil Gaiman, novels and non-fiction by Nick Hornby, musician biographies), likes to visit museums and art galleries (mostly modern art - he's pretty scornful of the "dead white guys", lol)....He's a well-rounded, good humoured, happy kid.
Someday, I'll bet your little guy will move on to horses or baseball or outer space -some new interest. A few years from now you will think very fondly and nostalgically about that beautiful boy who loved his choo-choos. He's going to be very happy learning all about trains - why not let him?
And in case I am wrong, and this is actually the beginning of a lifelong love affair with trains - is there anything really wrong with that? There are many worse hobbies.
I hope that answer wasn't too long!
