conflicted about my computer use - Page 2

[operamommy]

Wow, what a great thread. I struggle with this issue as well. I've recently noticed that I use checking my e-mail or this forum really quick as a type of stress release. I was a smoker for 17 years and didn't finally quit for good till almost 2 years ago :. Anyway, I tend to run up to our loft and hop on the computer for a few seconds when I need a sanity break or when I'm frustrated with my littles - the exact way that I used to step out and smoke a cigarette.

[PabloHoneySF]

Originally Posted by operamommy

Wow, what a great thread. I struggle with this issue as well. I've recently noticed that I use checking my e-mail or this forum really quick as a type of stress release. I was a smoker for 17 years and didn't finally quit for good till almost 2 years ago :. Anyway, I tend to run up to our loft and hop on the computer for a few seconds when I need a sanity break or when I'm frustrated with my littles - the exact way that I used to step out and smoke a cigarette.

first, many kudos to you for quitting! I'm so glad you did so you can be around longer

That's exactly how I've been feeling... the kids start driving me batty and I come here, check email ... look for some kind of connection to take me away for a bit. My folks were here all day today (always stressful for me) to play with the boys so I hid upstairs and on the computer to keep from exploding, though my time probably would have been better spent using the opportunity to put away laundry or organize our closets

[dogretro]

I only come online when dd is asleep. And even then, during her naps, I prefer to do housework or crafts instead of spend time online. DD goes to bed at nine, dh goes to bed around 11, and I go to bed around 2, so there is plenty of time for me to come online at night! If I didn't have the nighttime, I'd be on more during naps, but since I know I can be online as long as I like after dh goes to bed, it is easy for me not to log on during the day.

For reference, our computer is upstairs in the computer/game room. DD's toys are downstairs in the living room. That makes it hard to nip on "just to check something," lol!

Oh, AND, my best friend is a weirdo like me and lives w/ in walking distance, and I'm an only child. This means that while the internet is awesome for getting ideas, I don't *need* it socially. I am used to spending a lot of time alone, so, to me, spending time w/ my baby IS social, haha!

[mamaUK]

Originally Posted by racheleuphoria

I made myself a rule: no computer when they're awake. That said, my two children, do take an hour long rest time during the day, which allows me to check my email.
Rachel

This is what I have to do too. I have a laptop so when my children are awake it stays in its bag. It comes out during their nap at lunch (they both nap at the same time) and for about half and hour early evening as soon as they are in bed. Otherwise, with my personality, my whole day would go very quickly to pot, as i would be constantly distracted. The few occasions the children have seen me on my laptop I quickly realised it just wasn't worth it as they were always trying to 'claim' me back. I am in a different situation from some of you though as I go to two toddler groups a week and also drop my toddler to pre-school two days a week so I have lots of regular contact with people so I am not too lonely at the moment. I can see that it can be a very important thread to the outside world.

[luvmyrory]

Originally Posted by mommabeehilly

gosh wouldn't this all be easier if we just lived closer. then we wouldn't have to be online and could let the kids have adventures together while we have a cup of tea, knit and discuss steiner.

oh in an ideal world....i'd have you all over for pancakes in pajamas. there i put a magical spell in the air...maybe it will all come true (well i am a girl with dreams, can't help it, ha!).

hillary

: wouldn't it be nice if we were all near each other???

Like everyone else, this is something I've been struggling with too. I just find so much inspiration and great ideas from all you mamas.

Today though, I made a point of not turning the computer on till naptime! I admit, I'm pretty proud of myself. And because I wasn't online this morning, we got out and did our errands earlier than usual-- which went so much smoother because DD wasn't a tired, hungry, cranky little thing.

[dharmama]

Originally Posted by mommabeehilly

gosh wouldn't this all be easier if we just lived closer. then we wouldn't have to be online and could let the kids have adventures together while we have a cup of tea, knit and discuss steiner.

oh in an ideal world....i'd have you all over for pancakes in pajamas. there i put a magical spell in the air...maybe it will all come true (well i am a girl with dreams, can't help it, ha!).

hillary

Ya know...this is what I keep coming back to everytime I reflect on this. Seriously. We were just not meant to raise kids in isolation like many of us are doing.

[tracymom1]

This is exactly why I haven't been able to spend as much time on MDC as I would like. My son can occupy himself now for a few minutes at a time so I can check my email more often, but I just can't spend much time online when he is around. My hubby is addicted to Facebook and I have to constantly remind him that his family is here and needs him I would love to be more immersed in this wonderful community of online mamas but just don't have the time!

[mommabeehilly]

Originally Posted by dharmama

Ya know...this is what I keep coming back to everytime I reflect on this. Seriously. We were just not meant to raise kids in isolation like many of us are doing.

i completely agree. i come back to that same thought...i just try not to get too frustrated when i have that thought, which sometimes is a bit of a challenge. maybe i should wave my magic wand about that too!

[dogretro]

Originally Posted by mamaUK

This is what I have to do too. I have a laptop so when my children are awake it stays in its bag. It comes out during their nap at lunch (they both nap at the same time) and for about half and hour early evening as soon as they are in bed. Otherwise, with my personality, my whole day would go very quickly to pot, as i would be constantly distracted.

So true! Many days I do not even go into the computer room even if dd is asleep! Otherwise I will want to come online & then hours will be gone. It's just too tempting

Today though, I made a point of not turning the computer on till naptime! I admit, I'm pretty proud of myself.

Good for you! It is amazing how much happier I feel when I do not get online during the day.

A new kink in the works for me is that dd has changed her sleeping pattern. She *was* going to bed at nine, now it's midnight : This severely cuts into my "me time", haha! I was planning on starting to go to bed earlier b/c dd wants to get up earlier, but now if I do that, ZERO internet time, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I LOVE reading my blogs and researching different things. Well, I'm sure I'll figure something out

Yes, it would be nice if more of us could get together irl, but I've only even checked out one existing mom's groups in my area. I love being around other people, but I'm not motivated enough b/c I don't mind being alone a lot. Maybe this summer, when dd is walking, I'll attempt to be more social, heehee.

[mamaUK]

Originally Posted by dogretro

So true! Many days I do not even go into the computer room even if dd is asleep! Otherwise I will want to come online & then hours will be gone. It's just too tempting

...................

... I LOVE reading my blogs and researching different things. Well, I'm sure I'll figure something out

.

i find the internet very tempting and wondering if it is infact sucking too much of my time away........I'm not crafting right now b/c of the internet. if the children nap for as long as two hours i can spend the whole nap time on line. i am not particularly happy with this too be honest with you but i feel a bit 'addicted' . seriously, is it possible to be addicted to being on line? Now, after my first LO i spent all my free time crafting, it was wonderful, i did lino-printing and had an Etsy shop and everything and i used to make and sew bags and sell them on e.bay! That was three and a half years ago. You could say i was a bit obsessed with Etsy and it kept depression at bay for me and kept me busy and happy. well now i do no crafting. absolutely none. and yet i can sometimes spend twp hours a day on line. so its not a time thing.


I also love researching things (all too often it is nice toys to buy) and i loved finding out all about Waldorf and reading blogs. and being on here!

so do i have a problem b/c it's got in the way of other things in my life....? like crafting?

[2+twins]

mamaUK - I do think one can be addicted to being online. I think it's a real problem for me. Anything that sucks away your time like that and makes the rest of your life less happy and healthy yet you keep going back for more sounds like addictive behavior to me. It's so hard though, isn't it? I have the same issues with crafting vs. computer time. I'm so happy and fulfilled when I craft but I never do it anymore b/c of the computer. In fact, I started these beautiful quilts for my dd's beds last year and they're just sitting there, still waiting for me to start them back up & finish them again (and it wouldn't even be hard or take too long). {{{sigh}}}

[boatbaby]

I agree that the internet and also TV can completely be an addiction. We don't have a TV and I never had issues with it when we did (probably because I work in the industry so I was sick of it by the time I was ready to wind down).
But the internet is definitely tempting. I used to limit the time to naps, but then naps went away. So I find myself jumping on when DS is busy playing. Of course this means dishes sit in the sink, projects go undone. I have made a conscious effort to be better about it. But I could do better. It's definitely more of an issue for me in winter time.

We all need an lovely island where we can have a Waldorfy tribe.

[SeekingMyZen]

I know it's mostly the hormones, but this thread made me nearly break down in tears..

It's something I'd never openly discussed, because, honestly, I'm ashamed.. I know my being online is a problem, I've even looked up internet addiction before- I know it's a real problem. Just have such a hard time breaking it, like I'm literally an information junkie. I'll research all sorts of stuff every day and just read and read, it takes me away and connects me to others who are like minded. (Yes, it literally IS an addiction, learning new things releases 'feel good' chemicals into your body, that you subsequently get addicted to)

You ladies have inspired me to really sit down and start working on this problem.. seriously. So thank you.. knowing there are other mommas struggling with the same problems doesn't make me feel like such a horrible mom..

[dogretro]

I only have a minute right now, bbl! Will talk later, Zen!

[claddaghmom]

I have felt the cons of screen time really badly this whole winter. I have an online business and I'm taking classes online. That, combined with being inside more often due to cold weather/location to free things/new baby has left me feeling disgusted at the idea of getting on again.

Can you believe I actually have to designate a day on the calendar when I will *not* get online? Ugh.

I try to do the bulk of my time online when she is napping or sleeping at night. Fortunately I have a ton of siblings who love to hold her and play with her.

In fact, I'm supposed to be doing my term paper right now lol. Off I go....

[dogretro]

First off, Zen, you are not a horrible mom! It is easy for anyone to let something that feels good get out of control. You didn't mention, how old is your kid? I know that when dd was newborn and slept a lot, I had a lot of free time to spend online. I actually was getting bored b/c she slept so much and there wasn't a lot for me to do!

mamaUK, two hours is NOTHING. Before I was married and had a baby, I would spend WAY more time than that total on the internet for the day (not necessarily in a row, but day-wise). Sometimes, in my younger days, I could spend all night online reading things and chatting. For me, the amount of time I spend online these days is way less than what I used to do. That is why I have had to set firm limits for myself during the day ~ I could spend all day on the comp, I know from experience!

As for crafts and things, my interests tend to come and go & I try to respect that in myself. I do have a pile of fabric waiting to be turned into trainers for dd, but I just haven't felt like sewing lately. However, when I return to it, I'll sew for days and days. Right now, I'm SO distracted by thinking about the summertime & how great it will be w/ dd walking and being able to be outside playing w/ her all day & gardening and exploring. I also have a million things I want to do w/ the house that need to wait until we can have the windows open (painting, etc).

For dealing w/ online stuff, I really have to be firm w/ myself. I had a weekly cleaning schedule that I got away from when we had our foster baby & I haven't gotten back on that routine yet. I am doing some deep/spring cleaning around the house right now & that feels like a jump-start cleanse before I get back on my schedule. I know not everyone does well w/ a schedule, esp those of us who are sahms, but it really makes my days go great and gives me a huge sense of peace and accomplishment. Of course, being online or doing crafts is much more fun than cleaning, so I try and treat those activities like rewards. If I have done my cleaning and stuff for the day, then I can come online guilt-free at night. It is no different than if I went out to work everyday and came home and used the computer. And, it is true that the web is great for networking, but checking message boards all day is like if you had friends calling you all day or stopping by ~ would you be able to get anything done if your friends kept dropping by your house all day?? I wouldn't. Some days that are spent visiting are great, but we all need some days alone w/ our kids to get home stuff done.

[wholewheatmama]

I've been meaning to post on this thread, because it's something I've been thinking about for a couple of months. I've had a hard time transitioning from having a newborn who could care less if I am on the computer to having a toddler who needs more interaction. I do feel better about our relationship when I just hang out with her, but at this age, I tend to get, well, bored after hours on end of playing with a 14 month old. I am hoping that sometime in the next six months or so she might get interested in crafts! I only watch very infrequent TV (and extremely rarely in the presence of my LO), so the computer has been my only outlet since I have a short attention span while my LO is around. Reading hasn't worked out well because she needs me so often that I can't keep a train of thought. For the same reason, I don't actually post much online but just read bits here and there. As a single mama who works at home, I have to squeeze work in where I can, so I run into my office when she naps or goes to bed at night. Which just doesn't leave much "me time". So I end up rationalizing being on the computer so much in front of her. But the older she gets, the more interested in the computer she seems, and I just don't feel right about that at all.

I think I'm going to challenge myself this next week to only get on the computer during certain times and focus more on actively playing with my daughter, doing more baking, crafting and getting outside more (which will be a challenge in itself with not great weather in the forecast ). I just need to work on finding that ideal balance.

[SeekingMyZen]

DD will be 3 in May.. When she was a newborn I didn't even have the internet. LOL.. She likes to play a lot by herself and just gets lost in her play, every now and then she'll come ask me something or want to play and we will, but I still feel so 'gone' from my house- if anyone understands that? Nothing else really gets done.. I mean, I know being 9 months pregnant exhausted and sore has something to do with it, lol, but this was going on before I had a legitimate reason..

Thank you ladies for the support.

[MamaRuga]

I'm so glad for this discussion! I spend way too much time on the computer but I have the added issue that I run my own business. So I am trying to be a full time mother and a full time business owner/boss. I try to just use the computer at naps (which are WAY too short to really get anything meaningful done) and at bedtime. But there are times during the day that I just have to be on. When I've got major deadlines or there is something going on at the office I just have no other choice.

I am trying to at least get my computer time into our daily rhythm so that DD just knows that there is a certain time of the day that mama has to work. But at 1 year she is already way too interested in the computer. All of my ideals of protecting her from the electronic world during early childhood are just coming up against the hard reality of life. If economic circumstances were different I would try to get more help with childcare or hire more people to do my work. But we just can't afford it now.

So, I'm sad about it. And then I do spend way too much time on the internet for fun & support too. It is the first place I go when I've got some sort of issue that is up. I think that if I limited that time I would be able to get more work done that I wouldn't have to be on as much when DD is awake. But, like others have posted, sometimes it is also just a release valve. Even as a young infant she could always sense that the computer draws me away from her.

I'm so glad for the posts because most of the people in my life think there is nothing wrong with hanging out on-line with your children around. It is just a whole different mindset.

[RollerCoasterMama]

I'm not going to try and rationalize...I KNOW I spend too much time online. DS is such a good independent player that it's become a habit...ESP once we got wireless internet set up and I could the laptop!

I really should go offline on weekends since I spend all day every week online for work. My job is to be in front of a computer 6-7 hours a day! (and as soon as I get home I check my email!!) It's sad because I really don't have a ton of non-work email correspondence to keep up on, but I check anyway!

I have become hooked at instant information gratification...cool ideas, online shopping, planning, blogs, trivia, etc.

It's going to take real will-power to go offline during waking hours!