Should Lactivists/LLL Leaders be discreet to promote breastfeeding?

[SashaBear]

A common stereotype of breastfeeding is that you cannot hide your boob and breastfeed at the same time.
Last year for the LLLI conference attendees were asked to be discreet because there were representing LLL.
I had a private meeting with an expecting mom about BFing. I nursed my daughter during the meeting and the mother was amazed that I was able to hide all skin with just babe and my shirt. It really seemed to help her. Her husband had concerns that she would be showing her boob to the whole world.

Do we need to be discreet to promote breastfeeding?

[leerypolyp]

in a word:

no.

more later.

[AnnR33]

Another resounding NO.

To clarify this...I don't think it's necessary to be discreet.
Mainly because it's a relative term....what I think is discreet may not be to others.

But if some lactivists find it easier for them to get their message across by being "discreet" then I think that's OK too.

I just don't want anyone thinking that by not being discreet that I'm/they're hurting the "cause." KWIM?

[annettemarie]

I don't think anyone should tell anyone else how they have to nurse.

[SpiderMum]

I think a lot of people who aren't familiar with nursing have this idea in their head that nursing requires you to practically strip down naked. So to them...even if you prefer to bring you whole breast out over your shirt, that will still be discreet compared to what they're expecting.

So I think that nursing discreetly can be beneficial in convincing other women to breastfeed....however I don't think discreet necessarily means not showing even the slightest bit of skin. I think the most important thing is to do it in a way that you're comfortable with, and a way that is practical for everyday life. 'Cause really....how practical would undressing be every single time you need to nurse be? Not very. I don't know any nursing mothers who do that beyond the earliest days of nursing.

[star thistle]

This concept to me seems ridiculous. Asking women to be discreet implies there is something wrong with the current way they are nursing, whatever level of discretion they may have. It also implies that a mom should be ashamed of how they nurse. It seems wrong in so many ways. It has the potential to alienate a lot of nursing moms from LLL. Is this something LLL feels as a rule?

[LiLStar]

I think the problem with the word "discreet" is that it doesn't have a clear definition wrt breastfeeding. It gets tossed around in every news article that talks about nip, people like to say, "oh i don't mind if someone breastfeeds in public, as long as they're discreet of course" but what does that even mean? to one person, that could mean hiding in the bathroom. For another, covering with a blanket. For another, covering all skin with baby/shirt. And like spidermum said, to some people it just may mean bringing your whole boob out of your shirt instead of taking your shirt off!

[leerypolyp]

Originally Posted by hucklebearie

Is this something LLL feels as a rule?

Absolutely not.

[*ecomama*]

I just got into a huge debate about this subject with a guy on facebook that compared nursing to PDA. He said HE is ok with a mom nursing as long as SHE makes sure everyone else is ok with it, just as HE would do if he was going to light a cigarette at a casino??????? I gave my normal calm educated response and he called me a Lactivist as if that was a BAD thing!!

[Bluegoat]

I gather that this was a directive to leaders, primarily?

I have two thoughts. One is that what discrete means is different in different communities, so it would be a matter of conforming somewhat to the community the person happened to be in.

The other is that by becoming a leader, a person takes on some additional responsibility, which doesn't apply to other moms or even necessarily lactivists.

A person who chooses to take on that role of helping others with breastfeeding generally needs to seem approachable, not too scary, and generally seem to be someone that new mums having trouble can relate to. Those new mums may have no familiarity with BF, may in fact have issues with it themselves, or their husbands, or their extended families. They could, potentially be quite ignorant, or bigoted, or have a very different religious background.

Lll wants to reach all of these people, and so I can understand them asking leaders to try to BF in a way that the local people don't find offensive. Of course she would have to balance that with the needs of her baby.

I guess to my mind that while lll has lactivist activities, the most important thing for their organizations mission is getting that new mum who is having trouble to come to a meeting or pick up the phone, not making a political statement. There are other organizations whose mission is to fulfill that need.

[AnnR33]

As far as LLL, I've been involved for almost 7 yrs and a leader for 1 yr. "Discreet" nursing is not a concept that I've ever been taught specifically or advocated.
As a leader I help moms who ask for tricks/tips about discreet nursing but I never bring it up unless asked. Whatever works for the mom is what is important.

[mamajake]

I have been going to LLL conferences for fourteen years and have nursed kids at conferences of other organizations (many having nothing to do with breastfeeding or children). I have never been asked to nurse in any particular sort of way. If children of whatever age my nursling was were allowed into a conference session, I nursed. Period.

I know there is literature out there which teaches "how to nurse discreetly." I have always been told it is for women who wish to nurse in public but are not comfortable doing so without hiding it in some way. I see the point (these women might not nurse otherwise) but I think such "tips" should come with a huge disclaimer that women should, first and foremost, nurse in the way they and their nursling are most comfortable.

[nataliekat]

LLL is concerned with being approachable to as many mothers from as many walks of life as possible. LLL is not a lactivist organization. It's a breastfeeding support organization. "Indiscreet" nursing has the potential to alienate a lot of nursing moms from LLL. There are nursing mothers who are uncomfortable seeing another nursing mother's breast. It's hard to imagine that anyone would be uncomfortable with a mother nursing as discreetly as she can.

Being "discreet" (I know it's different for everyone, but making the attempt is appreciated, I think) can only help LLL's image as an organization that's for everyone, not just some.

For the record, I've never covered up with a blanket or anything like that while NIP, but I do try to make sure I'm not too exposed as that's my comfort level. And I'm less concerned with my breast being exposed than my back and love handles.

[the_lissa]

No. No, if anything, I think the opposite, though the bottom line is I think women should nurse however they are comfortable.

[leerypolyp]

You know what the best thing is for LLL leaders to do? Nurse as they feel comfortable! That translates into a huge variety of nursing methods, which IMO is the absolute best example you can set. Some will be discreet to the point that it's hard to tell what they're doing, and some will nurse over the top of a shirt (or a wrap top), and most will be sort of in-between -- and that's great! Everyone will be able to identify with one of those. LLL leaders all have different comfort levels, just like anybody else.

Personally as a breastfeeding woman I would find it really off-putting if my LLL leaders were obsessed with being "discreet" in a prescribed way. I also am a little horrified by the idea that any sort of limits would be set on breastfeeding "manners" -- what's next, you can't bf any baby who's older than 12 months, because that will offend people? Six months?

Like I said, the best thing is the wide range. Any sort of directive *is* a political statement -- insisting on nursing "discreetly" is just as much a statement as a mother who nurses with a little breast showing.

[mamajake]

Originally Posted by leerypolyp

You know what the best thing is for LLL leaders to do? Nurse as they feel comfortable! That translates into a huge variety of nursing methods, which IMO is the absolute best example you can set. Some will be discreet to the point that it's hard to tell what they're doing, and some will nurse over the top of a shirt (or a wrap top), and most will be sort of in-between -- and that's great! Everyone will be able to identify with one of those. LLL leaders all have different comfort levels, just like anybody else.

Personally as a breastfeeding woman I would find it really off-putting if my LLL leaders were obsessed with being "discreet" in a prescribed way. I also am a little horrified by the idea that any sort of limits would be set on breastfeeding "manners" -- what's next, you can't bf any baby who's older than 12 months, because that will offend people? Six months?

Like I said, the best thing is the wide range. Any sort of directive *is* a political statement -- insisting on nursing "discreetly" is just as much a statement as a mother who nurses with a little breast showing.

:

[AnnR33]

Originally Posted by leerypolyp

You know what the best thing is for LLL leaders to do? Nurse as they feel comfortable! That translates into a huge variety of nursing methods, which IMO is the absolute best example you can set. Some will be discreet to the point that it's hard to tell what they're doing, and some will nurse over the top of a shirt (or a wrap top), and most will be sort of in-between -- and that's great! Everyone will be able to identify with one of those. LLL leaders all have different comfort levels, just like anybody else.

Personally as a breastfeeding woman I would find it really off-putting if my LLL leaders were obsessed with being "discreet" in a prescribed way. I also am a little horrified by the idea that any sort of limits would be set on breastfeeding "manners" -- what's next, you can't bf any baby who's older than 12 months, because that will offend people? Six months?

Like I said, the best thing is the wide range. Any sort of directive *is* a political statement -- insisting on nursing "discreetly" is just as much a statement as a mother who nurses with a little breast showing.

well said, I agree!

[njeb]

Can you stand a history lesson from a retired LLL leader?

LLLI came up with the idea of discreet bf in its early days, when breastfeeding was practically unknown. At the time, it was a very liberating concept, because the vast majority of women were under the impression that you had to be a recluse to breastfeed, never leaving the house AT ALL (capitals are for emphasis). By showing women that they could nurse in public without showing any skin, they helped women to have an active social life and still breastfeed.

I believe, however, that an idea which was so liberating in the 60's is now outmoded. Unfortunately, LLL hasn't changed with the times. This idea can still be liberating in conservative areas with a low bf rate. But in areas where the vast majority of women breastfeed, it isn't as necessary as it used to be.
Edited to add: we need to take it to the next level and support ALL nursing mothers, discreet and otherwise.

[star thistle]

Originally Posted by nataliekat

LLL is not a lactivist organization. It's a breastfeeding support organization.

To be honest, I cannot think of a bigger, more established example of lactivism than LLL. Activism does not have to be radical or political, rather an intentional action to bring about change. It is my belief that LLL strives to change our society's misconceptions of breastfeeding by providing information/support to pregnant, nursing women. Even if only on a case by case basis, is this not still considered activism? Moreover, can there be a better example of lactacist than a LLL leader who donates their time tirelessly in the support, encouragement, and education of a nursing mother?

Our individual actions may not be exactly alike, but lactavists we all are.

[KristyDi]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I don't think anyone should tell anyone else how they have to nurse.

Perfectly stated IMO.

However I think it can be helpful to new moms who've never been around breastfeeding to realize the nip does not have to mean waving your naked boob around. Once I saw another mom do it and realized I could nip with modesty I was like "Oh, I can do this!"