Pre-teen interests and free time?

[Frida77]

Hello all!

I am curious about your 12 year olds-- what do they do in their free time?

How many after-school activities are they involved in?
Would you say that your pre-teen (s) have a "passion"? Creative, academic, athletic...

I am worried that my girl is, shall we say, less than inspired. I am hoping to give her a boost in a positive direction but all of my ideas are shot down, usually before I even get a chance to finish my sentence.

We are a very sparing in our use of media, and we don't allow any tv or computer at all during the school week, and maybe 1/2 hour on weekends--- but she is desperate for TV constantly. Or she wants to listen to the same handful of dance songs and read Harry Potters over and over and over (there is nothing wrong with HP, but she has read each one at least 5 times)... I am worried. She is seemingly very comforted by repetition. (faced with a shelf full of unfamiliar age appropriate books, she will invariably read the toddler's board books that she has read a thousand times already). She is striking me as becoming very closed and negative. She is a lively kid with sweet friends, she is doing well in school and her one extra curricular thing, yet she complains non-stop-- about school, peers, family members... you name it. She is quite a Negative Nancy!!

For example- this school break she has spent most of her time sitting on the couch staring at the wall or begging for TV. I have tried to teach her things, involve her in projects, take her for a walk.... she is not interested. We have a great rapport, and she in incredibly affectionate, and wants to be around me all the time, so she is not balking at my suggestions simply because they are coming from me. She just seems to passionless. Or disinterested.

I am curious about other kids this age-- are they just grumpily percolating into their cool teen selves, or is something really going awry with my daughter?

Thanks in advance for your response!

[amynbebes]

Well, you have negative nancy and I renamed my 13 yr old Pouty Patty a year or so ago I think it's primarily the age. Anna is allowed tv and computer during the week though. She likes to read, hang out with her friends, listen to her ipod and fight with her brothers.

[suabel]

Craving tv and computer and rereading Harry Potter over and over sounds very typical for a 12-year-old to me (if you replace HP with Margaret Haddix books). This is my 13-year-old. We do let S use the computer on school nights if her assignments and chores are done. IMing is her friend group's primary form of communication when they aren't together and is harmless to me (she's using a computer in the middle of the kitchen, so she's very supervised). S doesn't watch much tv, but does reread the same books over and over until I turn off her light at midnight and tell her to get some sleep. She also doesn't care to do as many extra-curriculars as she did in elementary school. I think the demands of middle school and puberty are enough right now! She's in band (which is an in-school activity mostly) as well as Girl Scouts and a once-a-week winter swim program. That seems to be enough and she spends a fair time holed up in her room drawing, daydreaming, or rearranging her closet. Normal seventh-grader, from my observation.

[JellyMomma]

Frida, I'm glad to see this post! Sounds exactly like my 11 year old, except that it's the Twilight books instead of Harry Potter. Her preferred activities: Surfing the net for Twilight websites, watching awful MTV reality shows, listening to music in her room, rereading all the Twilight books multiple times.

I limit the computer time and MTV is supposed to be off limits but I've caught her watching it when I'm out of the room.

I've offered to take her sledding, snowshoeing, to plays, movies, etc. It's like pulling teeth. Her internet addiction is getting bad. Thankfully the computer is broken and in the shop right now. I've got to set even stricter time limits..... Like your dd, mine can be very negative. It seems like this change happened overnight. Last year she played outside every day after school--now I can't remember the last time she played outside.

I've signed her up for a dance class (that she was interested in months ago--she now says she changed her mind but I told her it's too late--I've already paid) She also takes guitar lessons (just started) which she is not particularly enthusiastic about. She is going to several different day camp programs during the summer. It's so hard to keep her busy (and I'm spending a fortune!). I'm really worried because she's gaining weight, too.

How long do you think this stage will last??

[Frida77]

!!! thanks!!!!

nak

thank you all so much for your replies! how reassuring that we are all experiencing the same kind of stuff with our kids. i feel a million times better after reading your posts...

i have no idea when it will end. i guess we can only keep encouraging and setting a good example, right?

[chiromamma]

Originally Posted by JellyMomma

Frida, I'm glad to see this post! Sounds exactly like my 11 year old, except that it's the Twilight books instead of Harry Potter. Her preferred activities: Surfing the net for Twilight websites, watching awful MTV reality shows, listening to music in her room, rereading all the Twilight books multiple times.

I limit the computer time and MTV is supposed to be off limits but I've caught her watching it when I'm out of the room.

I've offered to take her sledding, snowshoeing, to plays, movies, etc. It's like pulling teeth. Her internet addiction is getting bad. Thankfully the computer is broken and in the shop right now. I've got to set even stricter time limits..... Like your dd, mine can be very negative. It seems like this
change happened overnight. Last year she played outside every day after school--now I can't remember the last time she played outside.

I've signed her up for a dance class (that she was interested in months ago--she now says she changed her mind but I told her it's too late--I've already paid) She also takes guitar lessons (just started) which she is not particularly enthusiastic about. She is going to several different day camp programs during the summer. It's so hard to keep her busy (and I'm spending a fortune!). I'm really worried because she's gaining weight, too.

How long do you think this stage will last??

BTDT with my DD. I think what you are doing is spot on. We just decided to make sports/activities a priority in our budget. We also avail ourselves of the opportunities offered at my older kids' school that are free/low cost. Kids don't always know what excites them and I think it's important to expose them to things that they may dive into. When my DD was going through a similar phase, we signed her up for Kung-Fu. She was lukewarm but now spends up to 15 hours a week at her dojo.
We also signed her up for the skiing program at school and insisted she do a school fitness option. She chose 10K training. She's a completely different kid from this time last year. She still rereads Twilight and Harry Potter books and (uhg) In Style magazine but that's her nature. She completely becomes absorbed in something when it interests her. Right now she knows an awful lot about fashion design and designers...wants to take a sewing class so she can design and make her own clothes! (yay) This is the kid who would go a week without brushing her hair and wore the same grubby sweats to school every day a year ago!