DH is still smoking cigarettes :( - Page 2

[Multimomma]

sorry about my outburst
I'm exhausted and cranky, and I just got home from another six hour stint of staying with him since he can't talk with a vent tube down his throat.
I am really tired, it wasn't just one day though, he had surgery eight years ago to have stints put in, and they said he'd be fine, if he'd quit smoking. He did for about a month (which is supposed to be the hardest time) and then started. he had another heart attack one year ago, and he slowly stopped smoking. And this time he apparently had been having chest pains for a while, Tuesday was the day he finally decided to take it seriously. So I was up there with my mom for six hours Tuesday, 12 hours Wednesday while they did all the testing, not Thursday, but Friday from 7am til midnight. It was the most horrifying thing I've ever been through, and I have been having labor off and on since Tuesday. : Can't have the baby though, because he needs us.

[herins]

Originally Posted by Multimomma

sorry about my outburst
I'm exhausted and cranky, and I just got home from another six hour stint of staying with him since he can't talk with a vent tube down his throat.
I am really tired, it wasn't just one day though, he had surgery eight years ago to have stints put in, and they said he'd be fine, if he'd quit smoking. He did for about a month (which is supposed to be the hardest time) and then started. he had another heart attack one year ago, and he slowly stopped smoking. And this time he apparently had been having chest pains for a while, Tuesday was the day he finally decided to take it seriously. So I was up there with my mom for six hours Tuesday, 12 hours Wednesday while they did all the testing, not Thursday, but Friday from 7am til midnight. It was the most horrifying thing I've ever been through, and I have been having labor off and on since Tuesday. : Can't have the baby though, because he needs us.

Smoking is selfish if there are people who love you!

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by YayJennie

This is really just for me to vent and be upset, but if you have any advice/thoughts, please feel free to share.

My husband and I were both smokers for years before getting pregnant. I always knew I would quit when we decided to have children, because I just can't raise a child as a smoker and tell them not to smoke...it's too hypocritical! So I quit early in the pregnancy. My husband agreed he would, and has continued to say he doesn't want to be a smoking father, but I'm over 35 weeks now, and he's still smoking I try not to rag on him too much, but it's really getting to me. My main concern right now is what if I have a long labor? If he goes for a smoke while I'm in labor, I'll flip out. I can't stand the smell anyway, let alone when I'm trying to give birth! And if he doesn't go for a smoke, he'll probably get all cranky because he's not used to being without nicotine for any length of time. I know it's stupid, but if cigarettes ruin my labor I'll kill him! He doesn't smoke inside, or in the car, so it's not a huge concern for the baby, but I still wish he would quit. I don't want our baby to have smoking parents.

Are any of you or your DPs smokers? I smoked for 8 years, so I know it's hard to quit, but I just...did it. Having a baby was enough motivation for me to put down the cigarette. However, I'm worried once I have the baby, I'll start again if my husband is still smoking. And I REALLY don't want to This is really getting to me today.

Not in your DDC (due in May) but I have a similar situation. My husband swore he was going to quit when I did (as soon as I got my BFP), but I was able to and he wasn't. Like you said... the baby was the best motivation in the world, and I quit cold turkey without even much difficulty after the first week or so (and I'd smoked since I was 12... so, for 13 years).

While every once in a while (usually when I'm super angry or emotional and get the urge for one, which is rare but still happens), I get really pissed that he can smoke and I "can't" (I mean sure technically one every now and then wouldn't be THAT bad, but I have a mental block against having even one). His attitude about it has really helped. He feels bad about smoking and doesn't even like me to know when he sneaks outside to do it (which is probably once or twice an evening, or once or twice all day on the weekend)-- like I can't now smell it immediately, heh.

It's been good that some weekend days he has gone the entire day without one, sometimes only having one late in the evening. That makes me feel better that he can abstain for long enough for the labor, and not freak out.

At this point, the only advice I'd have for you to get through the immediate future / labor, is ask him if he can work on cutting back enough to see how long he can go without one. If he can go a day without having one, likely labor will be fine. Since he seems to be already trying to be considerate by not smoking in the house, etc., it may help.


As far as after the baby's born... I'll admit, I may go back to smoking lightly. But I don't think it will ever be as much as I did before (for one thing, I'm never again smoking in the house after the baby comes, and won't be smoking around the baby at all, so my chances to grab a cig will be few and far between). I've thought about how it will be to raise the baby to not smoke, if my husband and I both do it, but looking at it this way-- we are also light drinkers, and my husband occassionally smokes pot (more than he drinks, actually, his drinking is very rare). The child will likely eventually see me drinking, even if it's just a glass of wine in a restaurant or a beer at a cookout. I'm hoping that she won't see her father smoking pot until she's a lot older, but she may see one or both of us smoking cigs every once in a while, if we continue to smoke. My method with everything, I think, is to tell her that when she reaches that age, she'll be able to make that decision for herself-- I don't feel hypocritical telling her not to smoke when she is underage. Knowing how cigarettes work, if she doesn't pick it up as a teenager, there is a far less chance of her picking it up at all. And you don't need to have smoking parents to want to smoke young-- neither of my parents smoked, after all. With anti-smoking movements (and laws) getting stronger and stronger, I think her chances of making a smart choice, rather than the dumb one I did, are much higher.

[Multimomma]

Originally Posted by Kelly1101

As far as after the baby's born... I'll admit, I may go back to smoking lightly. But I don't think it will ever be as much as I did before (for one thing, I'm never again smoking in the house after the baby comes, and won't be smoking around the baby at all, so my chances to grab a cig will be few and far between).

If you can quit for nine months, why would you choose to go back to smoking? How will you guarantee that it won't escalate, ie, that it won't be, "Well, I need an extra today because of stress..."

[herins]

Originally Posted by Multimomma

If you can quit for nine months, why would you choose to go back to smoking? How will you guarantee that it won't escalate, ie, that it won't be, "Well, I need an extra today because of stress..."

Babies can be influenced sooo easily. Also, I nannied a 5 year old whose mom thought she was keeping her light smoking a secret, but the girl knew and cried about it to me. She knew a lot more about smoking and cancer than I would have ever imagined.

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by Multimomma

If you can quit for nine months, why would you choose to go back to smoking? How will you guarantee that it won't escalate, ie, that it won't be, "Well, I need an extra today because of stress..."

I think I will still do it occasionally because I enjoy it. That seems odd, I'm sure, but just as people drink although it is unhealthy, and sometimes eat things that are unhealthy, you always weight the health risks against the enjoyment factor.

As for how I can guarantee that it won't go back to a pack a day or anything like that, for one thing I'm going to be staying at home with the baby, so I won't have the opportunity. The other way I can guarantee it, is the same way I guarantee'd that I'd quit smoking when I got pregnant-- I just decided. I feel like I should be in control of my choices, not the other way around.

[mom2p.m.]

Originally Posted by Kelly1101

I think I will still do it occasionally because I enjoy it. That seems odd, I'm sure, but just as people drink although it is unhealthy, and sometimes eat things that are unhealthy, you always weight the health risks against the enjoyment factor.

As for how I can guarantee that it won't go back to a pack a day or anything like that, for one thing I'm going to be staying at home with the baby, so I won't have the opportunity. The other way I can guarantee it, is the same way I guarantee'd that I'd quit smoking when I got pregnant-- I just decided. I feel like I should be in control of my choices, not the other way around.

being an ex-smoker I know that this is a slippery slope. It can easily turn into one of those "one is not enough and two is too many" things. It starts slow and then before you know it or realize your back to a pack a day.

[mama*pisces]

Not in your DDC, but wanted to send a hug to the OP - I am in a similar situation also. I smoked for 10 years and dropped them the moment I got my BFP. After my son was born I actually tried to pick the habit back up - just a couple of times where I was REALLY stressed - but they totally make me choke now, thankfully! My husband still smokes - and now I am pregnant with our second child. He goes out to smoke and I can smell it throughout the whole downstairs when he comes back in - it's repulsive. : I so desperately want him to quit before this baby is born.....he says he is planning on trying Chantix(I think that's what it's called?), and that he does want to quit before the babe is born....only time will tell I guess! He's got 6 months....I just don't know what I'm going to do if he doesn't, especially since we are planning a homebirth this time around, and I'm going to need him by my side during labor. If he comes near me reeking of smoke I might just flip out.

I hope both our dh's come around soon - I found the yo-yo idea to be interesting. I feel like that might work (or at least in combination with the Chantix?), if he'll give it a shot. I would love to get that book for him but he's not much of a reader. Sigh.

[mamalovesbacon]

I'm sorry, that must be very tough. The fact is, however, that he will not quit until and unless he is ready. for labor you could always suggest he try a nicotine replacement if you think it will be an issue. and congrats and good job to you for quitting, it's not easy!