or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Talk Amongst Ourselves › Rudeness, is there ever an excuse for it
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Rudeness, is there ever an excuse for it - Page 2

post #21 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
*Interrupting a habitual long winded not stopping for a breath talker so I could excuse myself because I had to leave.
FWIW, I'm a habitual long winded, not stopping for a breath, talker. It's something I work on all the time, but don't seem to have much luck with. I'm really embarrassed when someone cuts me off to excuse themselves, but I don't feel that they're being rude. I feel that I've been rude by trapping them so badly.
post #22 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
FWIW, I'm a habitual long winded, not stopping for a breath, talker. It's something I work on all the time, but don't seem to have much luck with. I'm really embarrassed when someone cuts me off to excuse themselves, but I don't feel that they're being rude. I feel that I've been rude by trapping them so badly.

Well, I could see that point of view, but I still think it's rude to interrupt, even if I feel that I have to do it. It illustrates the point though that sometimes you can be rude without malice, though. Talking without taking turns could be considered rude by the letter, but it's rarely intentionally so. Interrupting someone IS more often intentional, but most of the time not meant with harm in mind.

Personally, I don't mind listening to people...unless I have to pee or really need to get going. I do try to interrupt with a warning, instead of going from listening to "gotta go", I mean to me that's being a bit unfair.
post #23 of 52
I yell at people in my head to cut down on being rude to people.
post #24 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I don't think it's "excusable" as such...but I do think it's understandable, and I'd be quite hurt if someone called me on the carpet for it...
StormBride, when I said "call them on" being rude, I didn't mean by being rude back to the person...and I certainly woulnd't humiliate them; kind of defeats the purpose of avoiding being rude in teh first place. I also can't imagine your pain.


Quote:
Originally Posted by journeymom View Post
Not one of those examples are rude responses, not even to the long-winded speaker. Or, they are not rude as you've stated them. They're simply FIRM. As someone said above, BLUNT. And that's perfectly acceptable, even preferable.
:, I didn't see any of Tigerchild's examples as being rude, either. Firm, yes. Blunt, yes. But not rude.

To me, rudeness is disregarding the other person's feelings completely, and willfully. It's not zoning out and accidentally ignoring someone, it's not firmly telling someone to STOP doing something harmful or unwanted to you. It's *purposely* being snarky, mean, or inconsiderate....at least IMO, that's basically what being rude is.
post #25 of 52
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post

To me, rudeness is disregarding the other person's feelings completely, and willfully. It's not zoning out and accidentally ignoring someone, it's not firmly telling someone to STOP doing something harmful or unwanted to you. It's *purposely* being snarky, mean, or inconsiderate....at least IMO, that's basically what being rude is.
Thank you so much for summing up what I meant and needed to say in my OP.


I am so over and done with people who disregard feelings and are so freakin' inconsiderate that it is embarrassing.
post #26 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by cjuniverse View Post
Bring on the rudeness. Better rude than oppressed.
post #27 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by ramama View Post
You're totally right, Storm Bride. I wager that 90% of the time I'm called "ma'am" it's in a very rude manner. ("Well, MA'AM, we can't...blah blah blah...) Faking being polite is just gross too. Honestly if you're human and are having a bad day, regardless of where you work, that's cool. I'm human too. Now, I don't want rudeness, but the fake politeness can go out the window if you're having a bad day.

Being on the other side of the table...........I have told you 4 different other ways no we can't do that and now you are badgering...what else do I do?

If I don't fake it I can loose my job. And if you worked retail sometimes you do have to fake it to make it.
post #28 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post
To me, rudeness is disregarding the other person's feelings completely, and willfully.
I choose to look at it more objectively, since quite a few people on this thread have given examples where they were called out for "rudeness" that they didn't intend. Some of the people that I know that see the most rudeness are also some of the more hypersensitive "it's all about me" people by personality. (if someone doesn't respond, they must be intentionally ignoring them, not just didn't hear them or was in the middle of something else, ect.)

So generally, I consider not using polite words (like please and thank you), stepping outside your turn in talking (interrupting), rushing ahead of people (cutting in line, cutting people off, grabbing the last parking space) to be objectively "rude" even though there might be (and probably is) a valid excuse for the behavior.

So even when someone is being "rude" to me, I'm inclined to believe there's something going on with them, I should be compassionate, and most likely it's absolutely nothing personal to me. I don't know if someone is "completely disregarding my feelings". I mean, do they know what my feelings are? Are they capable at that point (they could be upset or angry at something else, for most people when that happens that's all they see, but that's very normal!) Am I correct in thinking that? Not always. But it's easier for me to let things roll that way and not be infected with their upset/angriness than it is when I assume that everything they did/said/behaved was a personal affront to me.

Grumpy clerk at the checkout counter? Retail/food service can be a really craptastic job, with butterific customers and managers. Perhaps s/he's reached their quota for the day. Friend not responding to emails? Maybe she's overwhelmed or they got filtered out or lost when she didn't check her emails for a day and now has a landslide to pick through. Ect. Objectively rude? Yes. Worth getting angry and upset about beyond the moment? Mmmm, in my opinion, not so much.
post #29 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by ramama View Post
You're totally right, Storm Bride. I wager that 90% of the time I'm called "ma'am" it's in a very rude manner. ("Well, MA'AM, we can't...blah blah blah...) Faking being polite is just gross too. Honestly if you're human and are having a bad day, regardless of where you work, that's cool. I'm human too. Now, I don't want rudeness, but the fake politeness can go out the window if you're having a bad day.

Must be regional, as I call my elders sir or ma'am at my job regardless of whether or not they are being difficult to deal with.

Or maybe you just aren't listening otherwise.
post #30 of 52
Thread Starter 
Your post really helped Tigerchild. Thanks.
post #31 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
Well, I could see that point of view, but I still think it's rude to interrupt, even if I feel that I have to do it. It illustrates the point though that sometimes you can be rude without malice, though.
But there is a difference between, "Dang, are you still going on?? The cows have come home and you're still flapping your lips!" and, "I'm so sorry to interrupt, your thesis about Russian/Polish relations at the end of the Cold War is really interesting. But I've got to get home."
post #32 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by journeymom View Post
But there is a difference between, "Dang, are you still going on?? The cows have come home and you're still flapping your lips!" and, "I'm so sorry to interrupt, your thesis about Russian/Polish relations at the end of the Cold War is really interesting. But I've got to get home."
I'm just going to keep following you aroundon this thread and going like this: :
post #33 of 52
I think rudeness is acceptable in situations where you have to set bounderies in families. Toxic relationships come to mind. And other less toxic ones that just invade your space and you have to be rude.

I know I came off as rude tonight as I told my mom that my daughter could not go with her. I have to protect my children, sometimes at the expense of other family members.
post #34 of 52
Thread Starter 
: adding toxic relationships. That is a huge one.

In my op situation, I would be so : if I were being considered toxic.
post #35 of 52
I think a lot of people mistake matter-of-factness for rudeness.

There are a lot of things I do and do not consider rude, that will probably be perceived as rude. Like the other poster mentioning refusing food. Well, if I am allergic or don't like it, I will refuse it politley. If someone thinks I am rude, that is their problem. I think it is rude that they want me to be ill for the sake of not hurting their feelings
post #36 of 52
Personally I think there is a distinction to be made between rudeness of speech and rudeness of action. There are a lot of things people say that get labeled as "rude", where I actually consider them to be more "nosy" than rude (i.e. asking a pregnant woman what she's having). Lack of tact is also often labeled rudeness, when it is more about frankness or bluntness. Not to be confused with intentional cruelty, of course, which is in a category all it's own. The only real rudeness of speech I think I've dealt with is when someone is upset about something and decides to take out those feelings verbally on someone else (whether related or not). And I will admit to occasionally succumbing to that myself (like when dealing with the phone company). This does not apply to your average online communication though, which seems to have become a free-for-all for everyone to be as nasty as they like.

But rudeness of action is an entirely different matter. And has become all too common. Walking down the sidewalk three abreast so anyone going the other direction has to step into the street to get past you; jumping in front of someone else in the grocery store check-out line; stepping out into the crosswalk without looking to see if the oncoming traffic has room/time to stop; cutting someone off in traffic to the extent they have to slam on their brakes or hit you; being told the delivery/installation/repair person would be there between 8 and 12 and he doesn't show up until 3 (or doesn't show up at all). Those are all examples of rudeness of action in my opinion, and all of them have become common everyday occurrences. These fall mostly into 2 categories... being inconsiderate of the people around you, or putting the people around you (and yourself) in danger - which can also be called inconsiderate, I suppose.
post #37 of 52
Had to chime in on the pedestrians not looking for cars in crosswalks being rude thing.

Cars are supposed to look for pedestrians, not the other way around. Pedestrians always have the right-of-way. Cars are deadly weapons (was nearly killed by someone not paying attention a few months ago, so I know this pretty intimately), therefor the onus is on the drivers of them to exercise caution, not the non-deadly pedestrians!

Crosswalks are designed for the express purpose of pedestrian safe-crossing in traffic, remember? Drivers are *supposed* to respect that!
post #38 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by cjuniverse View Post
Had to chime in on the pedestrians not looking for cars in crosswalks being rude thing.

Cars are supposed to look for pedestrians, not the other way around. Pedestrians always have the right-of-way. Cars are deadly weapons (was nearly killed by someone not paying attention a few months ago, so I know this pretty intimately), therefor the onus is on the drivers of them to exercise caution, not the non-deadly pedestrians!
They do, but things happen and putting yourself out there under the mindset of 'I have the right of way no matter what' doesn't keep you from getting hit by a car. There should be a certain amount of common sense that goes along with it.
post #39 of 52
Common sense or no, there's no excuse, or justification, for blaming pedestrians when cars hit them. Cars are supposed to watch out for them. Cars are deadly weapons. Pedestrians are not. They are fragile human bodies, which do not remotely compare to speeding hunks of steel!

If a driver cannot respect that, in my opinion, they should be relieved of their license. They are dangerous. They will kill people. Someone like that almost killed me.
post #40 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by cjuniverse View Post
Common sense or no, there's no excuse, or justification, for blaming pedestrians when cars hit them. Cars are supposed to watch out for them. Cars are deadly weapons. Pedestrians are not. They are fragile human bodies, which do not remotely compare to speeding hunks of steel!

If a driver cannot respect that, in my opinion, they should be relieved of their license. They are dangerous. They will kill people. Someone like that almost killed me.
Where did I blame anyone for getting hit by a car?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Talk Amongst Ourselves
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Talk Amongst Ourselves › Rudeness, is there ever an excuse for it