NIP or NIP when there's more to love?

[JenBuckyfan]

I was reading the discreet thread and after reading many posts, I started to wonder the following...

I wonder if some of the issues with NIP revolve more around people being offended by people who are overweight or who have larger breasts who are nursing in public versus someone of more average size or smaller than average bodies. By no means am I judging anyone or trying to start any debate on weight. I just noticed that there were quite a few people who mentioned that they couldn't NIP without exposing their breasts. I may be reading between the lines more than I should, but it seemed like the women maybe have 'more to love' per say. I think it would be an interesting experiment to see if there's a difference of public opinion when someone with the body of Drew Barrymore were to NIP versus the body of Rosanne in her younger days (sorry, totally can't think of someone else at the moment...).

(In the U.S.) Do you think that people are more disgusted by the act of breastfeeding or by the excess the weight that some people carry due to excess weight as being seen as unhealthy or undesirable or maybe even less sexy? I'm sure there are women who are thinner who have also had negative experiences, but I'm wondering if it's slanted towards those who are larger?


Again, I'm not trying to debate whether or not any given weight is healthy/unhealthy, etc - just interested if anyone thinks that part of the NIP issue may relate to body weight predjudices.

[nettieferg]

In my particular case, I have been harassed since middle school regarding my breast size - having a set that ranges from H-J (depending on the bra) when I am 5' 4", and size 4 waist ----- well it is not the proportion I would choose, but I would (and do) get comments from women (jealous and snide), and I always feel like I need to apologize (like I actually would have picked this for myself??!) ---

I must always wear shirts with collars up to my neck, or people accuse me of 'flaunting'. I think I would get LESS harassment of I DID have 'more to love' (and trust me, the thought has crossed my mind ---if it were not for a family history of heart problems/diabetes).

I have never gotten used to guys ogling me, and the occasional gal feeling the need to comment (like I would go up to her and say "wow! you are so small! What -- did you have a mastectomy?!") -- The worst was my DH's aunt who offered to babysit for me so I could have a breast-reduction surgery, because she could see I would benefit from it! (And I certainly was not dressing sexy around HER!)

My breast started out larger than my NB head - and it looked freakish (even to me) to be feeding her (I have since developed a sense of humor, though) -- my mom kept insisting she was going to suffocate.

Can you imagine me pulling out a breast the size of a melon? (When I ALREADY get noticed for this feature?) Even at 7-months DD doesn't provide complete coverage! Now, I don't *always* wear a cover -- I often wear DD in a sling, and although I can't feed her in the sling due to my proportion, I can/do use the sling fabric to *mostly* cover my offending tissue (you can easily see 'what' I am doing, but not enough to attract tons of attention).

One of the GREAT things for me is finally having someone appreciate my breasts in a completely pure and non-sexual way -- it is one of the most liberating experiences in my life.

Truly, truly -- my dreams are for world peace, and de-sexualization of the breast.

[Narn]

I have small breasts. I NIP every time we go anywhere (DD is 17 months). I have never received any comments about it. I don't think anyone notices, because even showing the top of my breast isn't much skin. I think I'd have to take off my whole shirt to show enough skin to really offend anyone.

[njeb]

To the OP: Yes, I think you hit on part of it. But it's not the whole story.

I noticed that the mother in the Denny's restaurant was nursing a baby over 12 months old. It seems that women who are nursing for longer than 9-12 months are also targeted for harassment, not just the larger women, or small women with larger breasts. A person who can accept a tiny baby nursing at the breast will flip out when he/she sees a toddler nursing.

[lanamommyphd07]

I think you do have a point. I notice all the time at work that the women who have gotten "complaints" about exposure with their clothing are usually larger women, and the little girls who dress pretty "hootchie", if you will, usually get passed over for the offensive-based complaints. There's also a ton of research out there about attractiveness, obesity, etc., and people's avoidance, suggesting an evolutionary/survival of the fittest link.

[Siera]

I have small breasts and have received "the look" sometimes. Othertimes, people don't even seem to notice. However, I am afraid sometimes that I will expose more than I intend to because they are small (have to pull shirt way up to get DD to latch on) and DD pops on and off a lot.

I think you may have a point, though. However, as another poster mentioned, I think sometimes it has to do with the age of the child. A one month old nursing doesn't draw the same attention as a one year old in our culture. Heck, DD is only 7 months old and I've noticed that we've gotten more attention NIP now than we did when she was just a little baby. But, then again, that could just be a coincidence.

[La Rune]

In my experience at least, I can totally see the body playing a role, as well as the baby's age.

I'm a DD. I know lots of other women who are too, but they're not 4' 8". They're way out of proportion on me. I've always gotten looks NIP, I'd guess mostly curiosity (she must be older than she looks if she has a baby, etc) because I never felt anything hostile. The last time I NIP DD was being a little gymnast ... trying to crawl onto the table, pushing herself out of my lap, and so on. I had to keep stopping because she was going to flash me to the whole restaurant. People think she's older than she is when they see her moving (normal guess now is 12-14 months, nope, just 9). I got outright hostile stares.

[nettieferg]

Originally Posted by La Rune

In my experience at least, I can totally see the body playing a role, as well as the baby's age.

I'm a DD. I know lots of other women who are too, but they're not 4' 8". They're way out of proportion on me. I've always gotten looks NIP . . . I got outright hostile stares.

: *sigh* . . .

[MaryJaneLouise]

Well, you know, since breasts are ONLY sexual, and big breasts are THE MOST SEXY THINGS IN THE WORLD -- anyone who exposes ANY part of a large breast are just ASKING for sexual attention, KWIM?




:

[JenBuckyfan]

Thanks for the responses so far. I would have to agree that the age of the child also likely plays a part in negative feedback from others. It seems as though when women are nursing newborns it's not as much of an issue, but as children age people definitely start to give looks. I admit that there does come an age where I don't really agree with nursing any longer, but I'm not offended by those who choose to nurse beyond 'my limits', and surely wouldn't offer looks of disgust at anyone nursing. I am more offended by the lack of compassion and lack of respect for those who are doing what they deem best for their children. I have more of a 'screw you' attitude when it's men who are offended by NIP and a feeling of disappointment when women are disgusted by something that is natural. It would be interesting to poll people who give looks and tally what is so bothersome!

[JenBuckyfan]

Originally Posted by MaryJaneLouise

Well, you know, since breasts are ONLY sexual, and big breasts are THE MOST SEXY THINGS IN THE WORLD -- anyone who exposes ANY part of a large breast are just ASKING for sexual attention, KWIM?

There is something sexy about breasts (thanks to our culture!) and I think men are just jealous they can't have their own! It's too bad people don't find breastfeed sexy - not in a gotta manhandle them kind of way, but because they are being used for what they were designed!

It's been interesting hearing reactions of Salma Hayek's publicity recently - one the radio stations I listen to, it was mostly the men who had issues with the situation. One of the guys said he was just jealous In some ways, it would be nice if the 'hot' women in the public eye would NIP more because it would help women in general. It's too bad that is the reality, but it would be fun to see those women be activists!

[Sanveann]

Nettieferg, I can SO sympathize with your post!

I've ranged from a size 4 to a 14 (currently) and haven't been smaller than a DD since eighth grade -- I'm currently an H, I think. I'm 5'10", so I'm not a large person, but you can see my boobs about five minutes before you can see the rest of me!

NIP is SO difficult for me ... I hate using a cover, but frankly, I haven't figured out yet how to NIP without one and not flash the entire room.

[GAjenn]

I am large breasted and NIP all the time without showing anything if I can help it. I do not hide the fact that we are nursing, I hide my breast. I think the negativity comes from the women who feel as though it is their right to show breast just because they are nursing. We all know that sometimes baby is not going to cooperate and accidents happen, but this is different than pulling out the whole breast. I also feel intentionally making others uncomfortable works against promoting breastfeeding. With that being said, Mothering magazine and this forum have contributed to my being comfortable NIPing.

[Smokering]

Yes. I had a discussion with MIL and SIL about NIP the other day, and MIL in particular was definitely of the opinion that large-breasted nursing was intrinsically less discreet, so well-endowed women ought to be particularly careful about covering up. I did get a hint of 'I don't want to see that' with regards to larger/larger-breasted women, which I felt was sad and unfair.

[sweetpeppers]

Originally Posted by lanamommyphd07

I think you do have a point. I notice all the time at work that the women who have gotten "complaints" about exposure with their clothing are usually larger women, and the little girls who dress pretty "hootchie", if you will, usually get passed over for the offensive-based complaints. There's also a ton of research out there about attractiveness, obesity, etc., and people's avoidance, suggesting an evolutionary/survival of the fittest link.

This made me think. I am almost an A cup, and I can wear really low cut shirts without showing any cleavage, but I'm six feet tall, so if I wear a short skirt, I show A LOT of leg, and look more exposed than a short person wearing the same length skirt. I don't know what I'm trying to say here. If you are bigger, you're more noticeable. Therefore you draw more attention. Something to that effect.

[Baby Makes 4]

Originally Posted by sweetpeppers

This made me think. I am almost an A cup, and I can wear really low cut shirts without showing any cleavage, but I'm six feet tall, so if I wear a short skirt, I show A LOT of leg, and look more exposed than a short person wearing the same length skirt. I don't know what I'm trying to say here. If you are bigger, you're more noticeable. Therefore you draw more attention. Something to that effect.

That's me too. A skirt cup just above the knee looks awfully short on me because I still have a LOT of leg showing below it but the only time in my life I have more than an A cup is when I am nursing.

[In Exile]

Originally Posted by Baby Makes 4

That's me too. A skirt cup just above the knee looks awfully short on me because I still have a LOT of leg showing below it but the only time in my life I have more than an A cup is when I am nursing.

You know that is very true. I have been on the receiving end of "comments" since I was freakin' 11 years old. I am the "body type" that supposively everyone wants- long legs, huge breast. What did that get me? Stupid remarks for the majority al my life. I get noticed. I have to wear plus sixe dresses (and take them in at other spots) because I just look freakish in any regular dress. Just not enough material to cover me.

Good luck trying to find a 34/36 K bra- not only are big breasts imposssible to "shop" for, but your also expected to weigh at least 250 pounds with that cup size. I am done "apologizing" for my body. I need pants in tall and have a huge chest- and I am honestly sick of getting stared at unless I ware a black turtleneck- heck, even then they are prominent.

You know, there is this "legend" out of how supposively every woman wants that kind of body- while I find it honestly tiring. If you're 6 foot tall and CANNOT cloth your body like everyone else in the same store- that's tiring. I am sick and tired of men talking to your chest and women acting bitchy as if you're trying to "show off" your chest- heck, I am wearing ugly minimizers most of the time.

But I also think most people are "disgusted" by NIP because let's face it-most our our breasts are not conforming to the "standard chin touching tennis ball perky shapes" that you find on any photoshopped picture of "college girls" on Playboy- an A cup almost dissapears with a baby- try the same with a J Cup who is by nature close to your navel than your chin- people grow up with the notion that breasts are perky, bounce around your ears and I have heard mote than once how "that fat one with the Double DDs"- big breasts are only "sexy" in a certain shape and only to a certain shape- have big breasts and you're body is "disgusting" and clothing only available online.

Have big breasts and you're somehow "threatening" to others- don't know why but that is EXACTLY the experience I had most of my life. Men feel short and too much of the "Amazon woman" type scares them-women automatically think you're trying to "upstage" them, which is nonsense.

Big bold women are going outside the ralm of "what women ought to be"- people feel threatened. So many men would love nothing more than that sight of a big breasted woman- but that's too much to "admit" when your out with your wife is a)onlooking too and b)the baby on the woman's breast MASHES and CLASHES with your inner phantasies- so they get mad.

It never ceases to amaze me how especially men have their closet stash of magazine- but it's too much to take when a real women sits in front of you.

Onces all my children are nursed and grown I will do what I wanted to since I was 12- get that reduction. I am tired of being creative in how to deal with that, I am tired of the constant inflamed sking underneath and the back/neck/headache, not to mention the social stuff. Somehow I got "missmatched" parts on my body, totally out of proportion even when I was a skinny size 4...

I don't know- it seems big breasts are on every cover and are the epitomy of what "everyone wants"- but actually having what everyone wants is tiring.

[AbbieB]

I think that it is more noticeable when a large breasted women is nursing compared to a woman with an A cup. Not always, but in general.

I am often jealous of all those mommas in pictures that are nursing away in a sling and baby is just latched on with no need for help from momma.

I know I have to hold my breast for my baby the first few months...not exactly a typical thing for a woman to be doing. And after that my breast are just heavy and my nipples are hanging 3 or 4 inches lower than an A cup nipple.

I do agree with the pp, I think baby age playing into peoples reactions quite a bit too.

[Viola]

Originally Posted by JenBuckyfan

(In the U.S.) Do you think that people are more disgusted by the act of breastfeeding or by the excess the weight that some people carry due to excess weight as being seen as unhealthy or undesirable or maybe even less sexy? I'm sure there are women who are thinner who have also had negative experiences, but I'm wondering if it's slanted towards those who are larger?

I think people are more likely not to look at you and leave you alone if you are a large woman breastfeeding as opposed to a small woman with large breasts.

No, I don't really know, but I did hear someone say once that she believed that women who nursed in public were trying to seduce her husband. I've been in a workplace where people believed the woman would breastfeed in front of her coworkers to deliberately bother them. As a fat woman, I definitely feel like people don't regard me as any kind of threat or target in terms of sexual interest, so my breastfeeding might be seen as less sexual than a smaller woman. If I showed much of my breast, I have no doubt that it would be seen as more disgusting, however.

My big issue was always covering the fat rolls, I honestly didn't think anyone would care if they saw the smooth top of my breast above my baby's head when my backfat was blinding them. I usually used the sling to cover my waist.

[nettieferg]

Originally Posted by Viola

I think people are more likely not to look at you and leave you alone if you are a large woman breastfeeding as opposed to a small woman with large breasts.

No, I don't really know, but I did hear someone say once that she believed that women who nursed in public were trying to seduce her husband. I've been in a workplace where people believed the woman would breastfeed in front of her coworkers to deliberately bother them. As a fat woman, I definitely feel like people don't regard me as any kind of threat or target in terms of sexual interest, so my breastfeeding might be seen as less sexual than a smaller woman. If I showed much of my breast, I have no doubt that it would be seen as more disgusting, however.

My big issue was always covering the fat rolls, I honestly didn't think anyone would care if they saw the smooth top of my breast above my baby's head when my backfat was blinding them. I usually used the sling to cover my waist.

Your snappy self-deprecation far 'out-weighs' any fat rolls that may be present. Thanks for the smiles.

~ People are inherently selfish: they will like you because of how you make THEM feel, not because of how YOU look ~

I bet YOU have lots of people who like you . . .