Weekly Chat: February 23-29

[nancy11]

Ready Set Go.

[michanders4]

I was just checking to see if there was a new weekly chat up and if not I was going to start it. I like way you started it Nancy.

Let's see. My weekend was good. I have my 34 week appt this Thursday. I go again in 2 weeks and then start going every week!!

Is anyone else still having name deciding issues? DH and I had decided on the name Jayden and it has stuck for months now. Some how the other day we both admitted that we go through phases where we love it and wonder if maybe there is anything else we like. So.. we have a few names now (3) that we really like and we are just going to wait until we meet him to pick the best one! I really like all 3 of the names we chose though so I will be happy with whatever we choose.

[nancy11]

Nah, I am sticking with my 'for many years now' names. My intuitive choices will most certainly fit Peanut sufficiently- boy or girl.

[*Amy*]

I'm subbing early this time so I can try to keep up!

I have my 34 week this Thursday too, and then 36, and then every week - right there with you, Michelle! Can y'all believe we're at this point already? It's exciting! Are you all finding yourselves daydreaming about the baby all the time? It's all I think about, almost.

I just had to chuckle about your name comment Michelle. I can so relate! We *think* we've finally settled on a name, Olivander, but with seven more weeks to go...we could change our minds at least two or three more times!

[michanders4]

Amy - I did see your name thread. You have had a few names that you had agreed on and decided on for a little why and then changed your mind, right? Well at least one that I remember - Owen. I was wondering how long Jayden would stick for and its still on our list and we still love it, but of course we think of more that we also love!

I like the name Ollie Amy - do you think you will call him that?

[Azreial]

We kinda had a boys name picked out but right now we have a couple of eh names for both and a definate boys middle name. Dh wants the baby to have aname right away, don't know how that is going to happen when our name conversations go; me:"what about X" dh:"that's ok" or "no way" and that's pretty much the end of it

On the poopy bum v nursing baby from last thread. Nursing baby takes priority 95% of the time in my house

[*Amy*]

Originally Posted by michanders4

Amy - I did see your name thread. You have had a few names that you had agreed on and decided on for a little why and then changed your mind, right? Well at least one that I remember - Owen. . . . I like the name Ollie Amy - do you think you will call him that?

Yep, I love Ollie! We've actually been calling him that for the past few days. And yes, Owen was one we had "decided on" for a while; now I think I'd like it as the middle name. I think Olivander Owen sounds super cool.

I hadn't thought about the wiping/nursing issue. I know someone said that their DC wipes at school by themselves, but not at home, and that's the sitch that we are in. I think that Brynn would probably not fuss about doing it herself if I were nursing though, so I'm hoping it won't be a big deal.

[dawncayden]

I'm not stressed about names. We named Cayden so soon last time and I'm enjoying doing this one different. We have a 10 name list that we add to and veto, so who knows how many we'll have to pick from once baby comes, but its exciting to not know for sure until we meet him or her.

[nancy11]

So what do you do...

If it's crying you name it one thing and if it's sleeping you name it another?

[michanders4]

Originally Posted by nancy11

So what do you do...

If it's crying you name it one thing and if it's sleeping you name it another?

I am just hoping that one of the names we like just fits and feels right once we are holding him . If not, I know we will just agree on one of them and we will be happy with whatever his name is!

[nancy11]

Okay, so if it poops while you hold it -- you name it one thing, and if it spits up... something else?

[lilgreen]

I think DH and I have been avoiding names because we both know that we have our own favourite and neither of us are willing to budge. We do have a middle name set, though - Hayes. It's my grandmother's maiden name. Dh likes Benjamin (but we each have first cousins named Benjamin, I say), and I've been liking Luke but I would really like to open up our options. Dh says the more common the better, though So, yeah, we don't go there very often, but I suppose it's getting close to crunch time. Yikes!

What nesting did you all get to this weekend?? I finished our study nook and cleaned out the baking cupboard.

Ok, now please, please excuse me while I vent. I had a rough weekend. Well, actually Saturday was lovely... spent the afternoon hanging out in the sun with the neighbours while the kids played a never ending game of street hockey .

But Saturday night dh went out with the only neighbour left that will ever goes out with. His wife doesn't like it when he goes out with my dh, though. My dh is known to be trouble. So they met up with some of dh's work buddies at a restaurant that closes at midnight. I assume they'll come home then. But they moved on to another bar. Dh didn't get home until almost 4am. Fine. But I later learned what happened... he was so drunk that he refused to pay the bartender for drinks. The bouncer kicked him out and when he and neighbour got into a taxi to go home, dh kept opening the door so the taxi driver kicked them out. Neighbour decided dh was nutso and started to walk home over one of the big bridges here. Dh supposedly tried to chase him running in the middle of street. He never caught up and ended up walking half the way home before eventually catching a cab home. Neighbour says dh was a total danger to himself and he was acting completely irrationally, which is why he left him. Neighbour couldn't rationalize with dh enough to get him home.

What a *^&)$#! Seriously! This is soooo not surprising either. About once a month at least he gets ridicoulously pissed and inevitably the whole next day is wasted. What are the kids going to start thinking when they get old enough to piece it together? Not good. I forced him to go to a counsellor last year who specializes in alcohol abuse and the counsellor told him he didn't need to see him again after only the first visit!! Dh is good at convincing people of things. So on it goes. Yesterday when I got home from ds' hockey game and shopping with the boys, dh made me assure him that I loved him because he was suicidal. Oh, god. I mean, I know he wouldn't actually do anything and he said the word 'suicidal' to get attention, but still. He said that if I weren't pregnant and tired all the time he wouldn't feel like he had to go out. Blame the pregnant woman, nice one! ARghhh!!!! I'm so mad, because this is a cycle that never seems to end. When we got pg with ds1 he was doing it. That was 8 years ago now and he's still doing it. I look at our neighbours who take care of themselves and are out playing with their kids in the mornings on the weekends or going for a run or bikeride. Why can't dh be like that??? I hate 'going out'. Not my thing. I'd rather read, or have some interesting talks with interesting people. Ok, I'll stop my vent there. I could easily go on all day :

Anyone else have problems with partners who won't 'grow up'?

[*Amy*]

Originally Posted by lilgreen

What nesting did you all get to this weekend??

We've actually gotten a lot done in the past two weekends. We moved all of Brynn's stuff into the former office (and she's really happy with the new room) and set up her previous room as the new baby + mama room; it's got a full-sized bed, the changing table, rocking chair, and dresser. I'll probably sleep in there after the baby is born, and Brynn and DH will continue to sleep in "our" room. I also sorted through the clothes I've been given so far and washed and folded all of the newborn -6 months clothes, so I have a good stash of wee babe clothes ready to go. It felt great to get all of that done! Granted, we still have a few big totes of Brynn's too-small clothes in the hall that need to be taken to the basement, but that's not such a big deal.

I've definitely been noticing how much STUFF we have though, and it's driving me crazy. I just want to fill up our pick-up with all of this stuff we've accumulated over the years and take it to Goodwill!! I might just.

As for your DH vent... I really have no advice, but my best friend went through something similar with her DH and it was particularly bad during her last pregnancy. Her husband did enter treatment and is now in AA, so things have totally turned around. You might try posting in parents as partners to get some empathy from other mamas! I hope things improve for you, Mama.

[mischievium]

Originally Posted by *Amy*

Me too! My DH is really kind and thoughtful and totally even-keeled. Sometimes I think, man he sure did get a raw deal! He married this cute happy-go-lucky girl and now has a ginormous grouchy wife with saggy boobs!

Right? Poor DH, I fooled him good .

Originally Posted by lilgreen

What nesting did you all get to this weekend?? I finished our study nook and cleaned out the baking cupboard.

Well... I wanted to get more done than actually got done. It's hard to explain the layout of my house, but the bottom line is there is just little room for me and my stuff. DH claimed one of our bedrooms as a home office and that's fine, he's working (and I'm not), but I still need space to put my books and art supplies and stuff. The area we thought would be my "office" is now, by convenience and necessity becoming filled with baby stuff-- it's a small room off our master bedroom, so really, it makes the most sense to put the changing table and a glider/ottoman in there, but the space is filling up and there is no place for me to put a desk. Anyway, I wanted to get some bookshelves to go in the current guest bedroom/ future kids bedroom to put my books on, but it turned into a big debate about how "nice" of furniture to get when it will eventually be taken over by the baby (who will most likely destroy anything nice) and whether we should just get bookshelves for DH's office (which he needs anyway) and I can have some space in there . But when it came to actually figuring out what space in his office I could have, DH started getting twitchy and backtracking .

What actually got done? We looked at some furniture, bought a trash can to use as a diaper pail, and unpacked some more boxes (the contents of which are sitting on the floor because there was no place to put the contents.

Originally Posted by lilgreen

But Saturday night dh went out with the only neighbour left that will ever goes out with. His wife doesn't like it when he goes out with my dh, though. My dh is known to be trouble. So they met up with some of dh's work buddies at a restaurant that closes at midnight. I assume they'll come home then. But they moved on to another bar. Dh didn't get home until almost 4am. Fine. But I later learned what happened... he was so drunk that he refused to pay the bartender for drinks. The bouncer kicked him out and when he and neighbour got into a taxi to go home, dh kept opening the door so the taxi driver kicked them out. Neighbour decided dh was nutso and started to walk home over one of the big bridges here. Dh supposedly tried to chase him running in the middle of street. He never caught up and ended up walking half the way home before eventually catching a cab home. Neighbour says dh was a total danger to himself and he was acting completely irrationally, which is why he left him. Neighbour couldn't rationalize with dh enough to get him home.

What a *^&)$#! Seriously! This is soooo not surprising either. About once a month at least he gets ridicoulously pissed and inevitably the whole next day is wasted. What are the kids going to start thinking when they get old enough to piece it together? Not good. I forced him to go to a counsellor last year who specializes in alcohol abuse and the counsellor told him he didn't need to see him again after only the first visit!! Dh is good at convincing people of things. So on it goes. Yesterday when I got home from ds' hockey game and shopping with the boys, dh made me assure him that I loved him because he was suicidal. Oh, god. I mean, I know he wouldn't actually do anything and he said the word 'suicidal' to get attention, but still. He said that if I weren't pregnant and tired all the time he wouldn't feel like he had to go out. Blame the pregnant woman, nice one! ARghhh!!!! I'm so mad, because this is a cycle that never seems to end. When we got pg with ds1 he was doing it. That was 8 years ago now and he's still doing it. I look at our neighbours who take care of themselves and are out playing with their kids in the mornings on the weekends or going for a run or bikeride. Why can't dh be like that??? I hate 'going out'. Not my thing. I'd rather read, or have some interesting talks with interesting people. Ok, I'll stop my vent there. I could easily go on all day :.

lilgreen-- Wow. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. It does seem like your DH needs to grow up a bit or at least accept that getting *that* drunk just might actually be problem since it seems to loose him friends (and results in him feeling really bad about himself the next day). I, also, am not a "going out" sort. I actually don't even like alcohol and would much rather just hang out and chat with friends and play board/ card games than go to a bar or club, so I generally don't judge people who enjoy it because I just don't get the point in the first place (especially now that I'm married). But the getting drunk and getting thrown out of a bar and then a cab are both clearly over the line. I wish I knew how to "fix" this for you, but all I can offer are cyber-hugs .

[MelW]

Originally Posted by lilgreen

Anyone else have problems with partners who won't 'grow up'?

My DH started a fine arts master's program when my daughter was 10 months old. Nobody else in the program had kids, most were single and attending "literary events" (all with alcohol) was part of the expectations, as were the afterparties, Friday night pub nights, etc. etc. It was a huge issue- we had moved, I had *no* friends, family or other support people (or even babysitters) and I was at home alone with Neela all the time. We figured it out eventually, but it took a lot of work and negotiation. His reasoning at first seems similar to your DH's- if I'm at home with you five nights a week, aren't I showing you that my priority is this family? (And my favourite: you can go out some nights, too, if you want...). I hope you guys figure this out- it was by far the hardest time in our relationship, and I certainly contemplated leaving and coming back to BC where I had better support.

I'm taking a coffee break from working at home this morning, since I had a dead battery in my car. I went to work in my husband's car to pick up files and my work computer, but then he needed it for a doctor's appointment and to run errands. My MIL stayed here last night (and washed my windows ) and my husband, MIL and Neela are doing tons of errands to help out his grandfather (whose wife died two weeks ago). So to sum up? Life has continued to be crazy around here. I'm counting down the weeks of work left now, since I feel like we're barely treading water with daily life. I did manage to make a couple of freezer meals over the weekend, but I expect they'll actually need to be dinners this week.

[nancy11]

We started painting the baby room and I cleaned out the "death closet." (That's a closet that throws things at you when you opent he door and in which you can't find anything.)

So now, the "death closet" is half empty and has neatly stacked games and art supplies in it. We will be hanging some formal wear in there for now that was in the baby's closet. And the rest of the stuff was thrown out or belonged in my office.

[herbanmama]

I'm going to finally jump into this thread, I'm spending more time online sitting on a birthball these days, forcing myself not to run around like crazy.

I am finally not sick anymore. After dealing with respiratory gunk over the holidays, it developed into walking pneumonia, midwife prescribed me an antibiotic - which I HATE to take, but breathing was sort of important and I was worried about babe's oxygenation - then another cold right after I finished my Z pack. Ugh. I taught 3 yoga classes and 2 dance classes every week through that whole ordeal and only took one class off.

lilgreen, sorry about your dh troubles, sounds like a piece of work! Sounds very frustrating, especially frustrating that the therapist was not of assistance, it sounds exactly like what your dh needs. I'd feel pretty let-down. While not as severe as yours, I have my share of dh issues right now, mine suffers from anxiety and depression, is chronically disorganized, self employed, and it's tax time - you do the math! He's an artist and carpenter, and his business has been dying a slow death due to the economy - just in time for baby. I can handle all of that, it's just that he has a really hard time with his self-esteem and refuses to empower himself. I'm so tired of loading self-help books on his ipod, getting him to go to yoga and meditation, giving him suggestions on how to get his day going, etc. I need a partner right now, not a wounded puppy, which is what he's acting like today. I know I sound really callous and un-compassionate, but believe me - I am proud of him in many ways - he's been off meds for over a year now (after many years on) and makes slow progress in changing his life for the better, but when he backslides like this, it's disheartening. All pregnancy long, I have just wanted to soften up a little and lean on someone else's strong backbone, but it's just not happening. I know that's selfish, but I'm tired!

As far as nesting goes, I am doing what I can with what I have. We are still planning to renovate the kitchen/dining area before baby arrives (April 18edd!) so that's causing me a bit of uncertainty. I have done some amazing things as far as organizing files this past weekend. Feels GREAT!

[Lindsay1234]

Mel and lilgreen, I could have written both your posts!! My DH is a bartender who just in the past year "grew up". He was staying out til dawn, getting wasted, sleeping til 2, etc. I finally said IM DONE to him and said, if youre going to act like a child, you get treated like one. The low point for him was when dd said "I wish I had a different dad" to me and I told him.
He got a curfew (330am) and because I control the finances, no $$. He also had to have his friends pre-approved and a text at night to let me know exactly where he was. I know it sounds really controlling but for some reason, he did it. He didnt have a choice, I was gone if he didnt. (and he is the worlds worst liar)
Guess what, I have an AMAZING husband who is a non-drinker now (or a one drink every once in a while) He WANTS to go to DDs school functions and hang out with us.
My advise is not to be gentle. They need tough love sometimes!! Goodluck!

Oh and I love the line "you can go out anytime"! DH always says that to me and it makes me so mad!

[momtokimari]

I need to sneak out of my house and get my eyebrows waxed.... There's a place about a block away. I'm sure it'd be harmless. DH didn't leave me a $20 though... so I'll have to hit the bank too. I get maternity pictures tomorrow morning and I'm excited. I can't believe I'm 32 weeks pregnant. I think I'll spend the rest of my pregnancy in (painful, sleepless) disbelief. I have one more appt at the MW office (her house) before she comes to me for the home visit. And then weekly after that... But I don't assume I'll have a very long "after that"

We got the couch moved out of our room... And by we, I mean my grandma's boyfriend randomly stopped by and moved it to my sister's room. There is SO much more space now. Where we can put the crib. After my baby shower on Sunday I'm thinking I'll actually have some baby stuff to organize. It will be exciting.

And in other news... my pelvis feels like someone is trying to pry it open. And it pops when I walk to the bathroom etc. I can't sleep... and my toddler has been a monster anyway. Fun stuff. I'll be calling her doctor today though... Idk why she isn't sleeping.

[wobblykate]

lilgreen . My dh is pretty good, but I have to guilt trip him into not buying a six pack every night. He's starting to get a lot better about it.

herbanmama, glad you're feeling better. :

momtokimari, good luck with the sleep thing. idk about Kimari, either, but I have been sleeping like crap :. It makes me very grumpy.