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Weekly Chat: February 23-29 - Page 4

post #61 of 143
Man, I just heard from my sister. She's had such bad luck, I feel so bad. She was married for one year a few years ago, but her h totally cheated on her. She worked hard at a crappy job (she's a neuroscientist, but even neuroscientists can have crappy jobs) until she could make her move to Miami (she loves the weather there). Then she had a pap smear that showed she had an aggressive form of HPV which had turned into cervical cancer. She had to have part of her cervix removed. This was a little over a year ago. Last month they found more abnormal cells on her cervix and she has polyps in her uterus that might be cancerous. She's in a really strong relationship with someone now and they really want to have children. She'll find out this week if the polyps means she can't have children. And the abnormal cells aren't cancerous, but it means that the HPV remains active and may well lead to more cervical cancer. But having had part of her cervix removed alone reduces her chances of being able to carry a baby successfully by 30%. On top of all that she has endometriosis.

She's very healthy, thin, active and only 34. Before this pregnancy I thought I could offer to be a surrogate for her if need be, but I honestly don't know if I could go through another pregnancy. She's always been keen on adopting, anyways, but still. I feel awful. I've always had perfect health and have three (hopefully) perfectly healthy children. It just doesn't seem fair I think if she wanted it, I would still offer surrogacy. It's all too unfair.

I'm going to be loving my kiddos even more tonight.
post #62 of 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Amy* View Post
I
Shine, sorry to hear about your friend. One thing that was special to me after my m/c was someone bought me a flowering plant that we planted in that baby's honor. Something else to think about - I didn't expect it to happen at all, but I completely fell apart on what would have been that baby's due date. You might want to mark it on your calendar and just ask your friend how she's doing when that day rolls around.
What a GREAT idea! I am going to do the flowering plant...I think she would really like this. I may still do the pedicure as we need to get out sometime anyway. I'll also have DH put the date on his computer...he's my datebook. Thanks for all the ideas everyone, I know that just being there shouild be enough...
post #63 of 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by MI_Dawn View Post
My sympathies on the teenage daughters and the Peter Pan husbands!!

And Girl Scout Cookies!? Ahhh! Where!?!?

We had my dad's memorial this past weekend, which was painful but healing, so good, and there was tons of family there I haven't seen in years. Hadn't seen my brother in 7 years - he'd never even seen my youngest! Met his new wife. Irony: my dad would have loved to be there.

Nesting - freecycled a TON of stuff. YAY! So baby's room has a floor now (was using it to store that stuff) and everything is mostly put away and in its place there. Cleaned the basement.

Of course, then the basement flooded, because our landlords "forgot" to tell us that the clamp likes to come off from the pipe down there for the sub pump once in a while. OOPS! : So I have to trash a bunch of carpet/rugs. We got lucky, though... most of the stuff on the floor was saved, except for a box or two of books I hadn't intended on unpacking anyway...

I'm feeling okay, better than a few weeks ago when we were "I might as well be dead" sick, but I still have a cough, like an all-day tickle, and every time I cough, I pee! Been actually wearing pads during the day, in case I forget to cross my legs!

My mantra: Sixish more weeks... sixish more weeks...
Wow! I've been freecycling and peeing, too! Actually I feel like I've sprung a slow leak...: I've also got the throat tickle.

Glad your dad's memorial service went so well.

momtokimari - can't wait to see some pics (well the ones you can post on the internet anyway )

I'm working on making the mattress for my moses basket, which is not hard, but my fingers were going numb, so I had to take a break (and of course, I choose typing, which is so restful for the fingers). I'm sick of the numbing extremities thing.

lilgreen - for your sister. Life just isn't fair. Sometimes you can do everything right, eat well, exercise, golden rule, all that and you just get screwed. Not fair. It's good she has a sister like you though

Amy- I like Alistair and it sounds great with hayes and I think you should totally go for the scottish thing. If he decides he doesn't like his name at some point, he could always go by Al, too.
post #64 of 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by wobblykate View Post
lilgreen - for your sister. Life just isn't fair. Sometimes you can do everything right, eat well, exercise, golden rule, all that and you just get screwed. Not fair. It's good she has a sister like you though

Amy- I like Alistair and it sounds great with hayes and I think you should totally go for the scottish thing. If he decides he doesn't like his name at some point, he could always go by Al, too.
Thanks, Kate! Alistair was actually my name suggestion. I just got off the phone with dh, though. Argh! He hates Alistair Hayes. He said that if *I* get the first name, then he gets the middle name, even though he says he likes the name Alistair. So, by suggesting a first name, I apparently own it and it can never be *his* name, too. He said that I named both our sons because I suggested their names. What the??? If he had suggested the names I would have still liked them but I wouldn't have thought of them as his names. He hates Hayes now. He's not supportive of me representing my side of the family in our son's name at all. How on earth did I possibly marry someone so anti-feminist? Honestly, every single day I wonder why on earth am I with this man?! He infuriates me to the bone because we clash at such fundamental levels. I'm in a public place right now, but I can't hold back the tears. How are we ever going to name this child? He's our last and I really want it to be perfect. I want to love it.
post #65 of 143
Ok, I'm totally dominating this thread now. Sorry.


My tiff with dh leaves me wondering... what are the naming conventions you follow? Do you feel strongly that your heritage should be passed down through your child's name? What balance have you struck with dh's heritage? How have you rationalized this?

Thanks!
post #66 of 143
lilgreen! Dude, your DH does not sound awesome. I know everyone is on their own journey and whatnot, but I'm so wanting to tell you to pack it up and head on out.

Anyway, as for the name thing, we don't have any hard and fast rules, but I did tell DH that if our son is going to be named after someone, it's going to be my dad. The way I see it, our children have DH's last name, so that's his family's legacy; what about mine?! I doubt that it will end up that this babe will have my dad's name, but it sure as heck isn't going to be one of DH's family names either.
post #67 of 143
Thanks for the support, Amy. I actually deleted that last part about dh. I was feeling bad for posting my 'dirty laundry' on this thread. This isn't the place. Thank you, though! It's always good to have my feelings validated.
post #68 of 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilgreen View Post
Thanks for the support, Amy. I actually deleted that last part about dh. I was feeling bad for posting my 'dirty laundry' on this thread. This isn't the place. Thank you, though! It's always good to have my feelings validated.
Sorry I mixed up the posts. Your dh seems rather opinionated for someone who should be in the doghouse :.

My DH and I just decided that we both had to love the name...It's mostly from his side of the fam, but the folks on my side didn't give us a lot of great namesake choices . Sorry you're having such a tough time
post #69 of 143
Shoot...I am on the internet way too much lately. My DH has been doing so much around the house cause I do nothing all day but computer and take care of DD. So I need to step away for a while...I'll check back later this week. Have a good week mammas!
post #70 of 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilgreen View Post
dex_millie... I think the birth announcement got me going, too. I've really been thinking about names. I found one that was a contender (for me) with each of my pgs. Alistair. I'm Scottish and our Scottish heritage is very important in my family. I even played the bagpipes growing up, lol. So, the name would be Alistair Hayes Van Al..... Hayes was my grandmother's maiden name (the amazing grandmother from my post last week, for those of you who saw it). I think it sounds good with my other boys' names, too - "Thomas, Forrest, and Alistair".

What do you all think?? Honestly, please.
I think Alistair MacLeod. And I'm a big fan (of both the name and MacLeod)

We chose Neela's name largely based on sound. We have no Indian heritage, but fell in love with Neela as her name. Though my husband has some Irish heritage, and Neala (same pronounciation) is an uncommon female form of Neal.

My problem this time is that so many of our girl name choices are sooo similar sounding- I peeked at our name list from last time, and every name has L or A or N (or all three) in some combination. I met a baby Nola recently and found myself thinking what a great name it was- before I realized that it's almost the same name. Same goes for Lena, Elena, and many others that I love. Nora is a top contender right now, but I waver on the "matchiness" of Neela and Nora. And then I remember that the baby could also be a boy, and get stuck again... I don't think I've ever been in love any one boy name in either pregnancy.

I'm going to bed- I've been too busy and having more contractions than I really care to have at this stage of pregnancy. They're nothing regular or painful, but if I try to do anything remotely physical I get a contraction. So with a big glass of water in hand, I'm headed to bed to read... (and hoping that this doesn't break my streak of not needing to pee during the night).
post #71 of 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by MelW View Post
Nora is a top contender right now, but I waver on the "matchiness" of Neela and Nora. And then I remember that the baby could also be a boy, and get stuck again... I don't think I've ever been in love any one boy name in either pregnancy.
I know sisters named lily and lyla....it's way too close and the girls are often called by the same name. That said, I don't find elena and neela to be that close in sound, only when written.

Maybe you could pick a new letter now and then that's not in neela's name and go through one of those name websites and see if there's anything that strikes your fancy?
post #72 of 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by MelW View Post
I think Alistair MacLeod. And I'm a big fan (of both the name and MacLeod)



My problem this time is that so many of our girl name choices are sooo similar sounding- I peeked at our name list from last time, and every name has L or A or N (or all three) in some combination. I met a baby Nola recently and found myself thinking what a great name it was- before I realized that it's almost the same name. Same goes for Lena, Elena, and many others that I love. Nora is a top contender right now, but I waver on the "matchiness" of Neela and Nora. And then I remember that the baby could also be a boy, and get stuck again... I don't think I've ever been in love any one boy name in either pregnancy.
I LOVE Alastair!!!! Adorable!!! Ive always liked girl names that are short (even though I have 2 dds with long names!) Rita, Nina, etc. I wouldnt worry about matchiness, a little might make the names fit together perfectly!
post #73 of 143
lilgreen
I like Amy's idea of the children already getting dh's last name so her heritage should be involved as well.

With ds, his middle name is Lee which is dh's and mil's middle names. So to be fair, this baby might have a middle name that is a part of my family. We both have to agree that it sounds good though.

I joke that this baby has to be named by me because Cayden was one of dh's names...but in reality, we both have to love the name.
I find it helpful to have a piece of paper that dh and I both write names we like on. We look at it together and talk about the names we discuss the concerns we have or the 'person we knew from school with that name', we can cross off a name if we both decide we don't like it but if only one of us don't like it, it stays on there.
For instance I like the name Renee, but that was one of dh's ex-girlfriends, so we both crossed that one off.
There are probably 8 boys names and 12 girls names on there that aren't crossed off currently.
post #74 of 143
hi ladies, from under 14 fresh inches of snow!!!! gotta love Maine...
lilgreen, I'm sorry about your sister. I just wanted to give you both some words of encouragement: I've been through multiple surgeries, lost part of my cervix and an ovary, was told conceiving would be near impossible. Well, I ended up conceiving while on the Pill. Each person's body is an unexplainable terrain, no one really knows how things heal. thinking of you both.
As far as the name thing goes, our middle names are the grandparents' first names (we dont nkow what gender we're having, so lists are doubled). So if its a boy the middle names are David Mark, if it's a girl they're Regine Ilene.
We're hyphenating our last names which is going to be complicated for LO b/c my name is three syllables, anglo-saxon to the max and comlicated, DP's is german and two syllables. So our first name has to be SIMPLE . but we managed to settle the family issues, including the order of our two names during hyphenation. I won the circumscision argument (ie: no way are we going to chop any piece off our baby if its a boy) which was a big one, so conceded a few things on the name.
Otherwise, been nesting like crazy and ignoring my work, whcih is not good. I went from insisting until the 8th month that I did not want a seperate baby room, to going completely bonkers over the past few weeks: repainting, decluttering our craft room, sorting clothes etc.
We had a three-way baby shower this weekend with a Yankee Swap (kinda weirs: you can take things from each other...) which was nice but overwhelming in general.
My best friend went and picked up a bunch of cloth diapers on my registry, for which I am so grateful and relieved. So am starting to have a stash... Now just need to finish cleaning the room out and finish the furniture going in (DP is handmaking dovetails for the furniture going in there...) so's I can put away all the clothes and toys.
My mom is organizing a baby shower for me in two weeks, and I want to do a "becoming a grandmother" ritual for her, as the shower is almost entirely her friends, and she's absolutely over the moon about becoming a grandmaman. And she's been so much help. I want to acknowledge all of that.
Any ideas?
post #75 of 143
I AM SO GROUCHY!!!! I don't want anyone to talk to me. Or touch me. Or look at me. This morning, my DH peeked into the bathroom while I was drying my hair and he had this big old smile on his face and said, "Hey beautiful mama!" and I so wanted to say, shut up. It's awful!!!!!!!!!!!!! So on top of feeling grouchy, I feel guilty. : Good times around here, lemme tell ya.

[Deep cleansing breath.]

lilgreen, that is too bad about your sister. I really can't imagine how difficult it would be to not have the choice to conceive and carry my own child.

Mel, I was having similar issues with boy names this time; I kept choosing names that sound like Brynn: Flynn, Quinn, etc. I think Elena and Nora are both beautiful names and don't sound cutesy bobsy-twins with Neela.
post #76 of 143
Thread Starter 
If it's a boy, it gets my last name. We agreed and it's every bit as much my child.
My husband is incredibly accommodating and chooses his battles wisely.
His family has lots of boys.
This being will certainly be an individual... and that's what we want the most.
Uniqueness without geekness.

Edit: and I picked all the other names, too.
post #77 of 143
I got a flat tire on the way to work this morning and just gave up DH is going to change it but he won't have time until tomorrow. Hopefully I don't need a whole new tire
post #78 of 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by Azreial View Post
I got a flat tire on the way to work this morning and just gave up DH is going to change it but he won't have time until tomorrow. Hopefully I don't need a whole new tire
sorry
post #79 of 143
lilgreen- Sorry about your sister. I always wanted to do surrogacy... but I think cervical incompetence rules me out. Go figure. I could do it privately, but an agency would not take me. And it'd be a lot of work. Cerclage, bed rest... not sure it's worth it unless it was for someone I loved dearly. Adoption is wonderful though. A friend of mine just had a baby last month who was adopted by an awesome couple.

And my maternity pictures look like they are coming out great. I got a little sneak preview and should have them by the end of the week. I'll post anything without exposed nipple. My daughter had a lot of fun, too. She kept copying my poses and covering my boobs and just generally getting in the way.
post #80 of 143
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by momtokimari View Post
And my maternity pictures look like they are coming out great.
The last thing I want are photos of me (the blimp) floating around! :-O
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