Food throwing - in young toddler

[Periwinkle]

My ds is 19 months old and has recently been taken with flinging his food. I very much want to stop this, but my approch has thus far gone nowhere. (FYI... I did a search of this forum and all food throwing issues/solutions were for much older toddlers, already very verbal, etc.).

When he throws his food, I calmly say, "You may not throw food" and gently take him down from his chair. He usually toddles off or hangs out near me and his sister as she finsishes eating. I do this because I assume, if he were really hungry, he wouldn't be throwing his food. If he comes back and asks to get up again, I gently pick him up and put him back in his chair and say nicely something like "Please do not throw your food". If he does it again, the cycle repeats. I haven't really put a limit on how many times I'm willing to pick him back up because I don't want to starve him or anything if he's genuinely hungry. Half the time, he walks away and is perfectly happy to be done with the meal. Of the other half of the time, he either eats another bite or two and then starts throwing food again, or gobbles up the rest of his meal hungrily.

Here's why I want to stop the food throwing:

1. I find it disrespectful. I think in a previous thread (the similar one to this, but for an older child) DaryLLL put it well: "it is disrespectful of nature's bounty".
2. It adds a lot more work for me to have to clean up the floor (the chair, the table, the walls...) after every meal. Oh and by the way I have twins, and I don't want dd to start copying this... I'd be up to my ears in noddles and yogurt!
3. I am afraid that it will make it a lot harder to travel, eat out, etc etc... don't get me wrong, I'm not asking for Miss Manners at the age of one and a half, but throwing food all over the place has a way of putting a damper on a meal really fast.

Here are my thoughts/observations about the food throwing...

* Ds throws food when he's done and is no longer hungry.
* Ds throws food when he gets frustrated (e.g., if he's having trouble using his fork because the noodles are too slippery or something).
* Ds throws his food to get my attention (e.g., if I serve dd and ds their meal and then try to clean up the kitchen while they eat)

He is talking, and has been gesturing "get me down" for even longer. He can say "Ahh-nohh" (for "All done") and lift his arms up to get down. That's what dd does... every time. Works great!

Should I keep doing what we're doing and just ride it out? Or should I do something different (And please don't say get a tarp or something, because this is not okay behavior IMO).

[sunnmama]

In a recent thread on this topic, I think it was Mamaduck who had the BRILLIANT (imho) suggestion of giving the child 2 bites at a time. If he eats those 2 bites, give him 2 more.

I think what you are doing now is great, but the above suggestion would really limit the possible mess if he chooses to throw his food. Also, it generally helps to phrase what they *can do "Keep the food on your plate/tray" rather than what they can't "Don't throw your food".

And, while it is not ok behavior, it is developmentally appropriate behavior---a phase! Even if you bought the tarp, I promise he would still learn in time to eat without throwing food.

Hope you get some more concrete suggestions....good luck!

[Periwinkle]

The 2 bites idea is interesting, but here's a question... it seems the downside is it requires me to be very hands on at mealtime, and also precludes him from eating things he would normally eat all by himself with a fork or spoon. I really do not want to go back to spoon feeding... they're self-feeding quite well 100% of the time for a couple of months now, and it is seems to be a bad idea to go backwards. Though I could make them grilled cheese "strips" for the next few days and see how it goes!

Re the phrasing change... of course! I LOVE IT! So simple, but I've been feeling too negative recently with all the "Please don't throw" this and "Please don't dump" that. THANK YOU!!!!

[Clarity]

=Yes, it does require more attention, but it's not returning to feeding him. He can still eat those two bites with his spoon or fork or fingers. Ok, maybe you can make it 3 or 4 bites at a time, try it. And probably "pieces" is more accurate than bites...I give like two adult bite sizes...which mght be a bunch of baby bi tes depenidng on hre mood. Taking the grilled cheese and serving it in strip or quarters/eighths instead of a whole is exactly what I did. But a whole container of yogurt may have to wait. Dollop it out in large spoonfuls. Yogurt especially just begs to be played with...it's the same texture as fingerpaint...no wonder it causes trouble! I usually prep her food on one plate, give her a second plate and then transfer a bit at a time. It really really really helped us, and decreased the amount of times I'd have to say, "oh, ok you're all done I see." We also generally didn't use the table/highchair as a place to play, or be contained while I worked in the kitchen too...trying to set a "table for eating" routine. Food meant for playing we do on the floor.

Have you thought that everyone sitting down to eat together might be helpful? you included? Even if it's just with a cup of tea while they eat. DD was much less likely to throw and I had a lot more positive control over the food by sitting with her. it's hard, becuase we're often cooking other things, or cleaning, but while this stage is going on I found it helpful. This will probably be very brief, I believe, with most children if you can redirect it now - so you won't have to do it forever. Every once in a while DD regresses (making "soup" in her juice cup was a recent event) but it's usually a brief hiccup.

[Marsupialmom]

I have found it is dangerous to remind kids that age of a wrong behavior.

I would put him back up with out further comment of past descression. This way he will not see how much the behavior really gets on your nerves.

This will pass!!!!

I like the one or two bites at a time. Also keep on pulling him out and giving him another chance at not throwing food.

[Clarity]

did I mention how helpful it is to have a dog?

[Laurel]

I have found that my 17-mo-old ds throws food when he is done with it. For some reason if he doesn't want the food he can't stand to have it taking up space on his tray. The same goes for utensils. He will hand me his fork or bowl, or a piece of food, and if I'm not paying attention and don't take it from him pronto, over the side it goes. So I second the idea of sitting near the child during meals in order to catch early cues he may be giving that he is "done".

In order to contain the meal and provide some structure, as well as to help him become comfortable w/ utensils, I give him his different foods in several small bowls, trying to keep the foods separated. Of course not all the food stays in the bowls, but much of it does, and he is more prone to hand me a bowl, whereas a piece of food is more likely to get thrown over the edge. Or at least it's easier for me to *notice* him trying to hand me the bowl and intervene before he throws it.

If he does throw food (other than the occasional piece or two) I assume he's done and remove the tray. 9 times out of 10, he is indeed done. I don't make a big deal verbally out of it. I guess I just assume it's a stage, and that it's not something that he will stop doing in a short period of time; this helps me to not get frustrated with him when he does it.

[Periwinkle]

Sunmama and clarity - that makes sense now re: a couple of bites at a time. Sometimes when his tray is filled with food, it's a little *too much* temptation.

I have found it is dangerous to remind kids that age of a wrong behavior.

Marsupialmom, that really resonates with me. I think that's a very good point. I noticed ignoring (and sometimes redirecting) to work best for most other things (such as banging on the wall), but I just have a hard time ignoring food flinging across the room. But it's food for thought (no pun intended LOL).

Also, although it'll hard to give up those 15 min. of kitchen cleaning time : I think sitting nearby is a great idea. I WISH we could all eat together as a family, but they eat dinner at like 5:30 and dh doesn't even get home until 6:30... with bedtime for dd and ds around 7:00. But sitting with them consistently is a great idea and I think I'll give it a go... at least through this phase and until we do start eating together more often!

Anyone have any more ideas for my arsenal??!!

[USAmma]

Food launching is totally normal behavior for a 19 month old, unfortunately. Believe me, I am all for manners in our house, but we tried everything to get her to stop throwing (within reason) and she just couldn't resist.

In my dh's culture (India) they hand-feed children until they are about 3, probably to prevent this problem. My dh was more than happy to do this for her, it was their special time together. So I gave her non-messy foods for breakfast and lunch-- things easy to pick up off the floor-- and he gave her dinner which was usually something mushy. This may not be a solution you have time to deal with, but it worked great for us.

When we were too busy to hand feed her, we pulled her chair out of the carpeted dining area and into our tiled kitchen. So if she launched food it was easy to clean up. We also ignored the behavior because she was getting a reward by us responding to it. Now that she's 3 she'd better not throw her food or she *will* clean it up, but at the wee age of 19 mos. it's a normal thing for them to do.

I made the mistake for awhile of assuming that if she threw her food she was done eating and would take her food away. But she wasn't done eating. She was just getting board and finding entertainment while she was chewing.

Darshani

[Marsupialmom]

Is there any way you can shift your day? So your kids can eat later?

Or will they be happier with two mini meals, one with you to get the hunger monsters away and then one later as a family (which could be a large snack).

Dh and I use to sit down together as a family with the kids at 4:30. That meal for them was a large snack. I would then feed them again at about 7 which was more of a diner.

[Clarity]

or eat with the kids, and then sit down and chat with DH, and feed him after the kids are in bed. With a small immediate munchy when he gets home to tide him over. May not work if you're co-sleeping.

[Periwinkle]

I think just my sitting down with them consistently and enjoying each others' company is good enough for now. The realities of dh's job are that he just can't leave by 5 every day, which is when he'd have to leave to get home by dinner. So I think my presence at lunch and dinner is fine. We DO eat breakfast as a family every single morning, which is very nice, and no food throwing! but I always thought it was b/c ds was hungry, you know, 14 hours or so since dinner the night before. Now I realize it may be because we're all together interacting and having a nice time that ds doesn't need to get my attention by throwing food! It IS so easy to just give them their meal and then I get to do dishes or clean up the kitchen, which I probably do 1 meal out of 2 each day, but this makes me resovled to pull up a chair and have a cup of tea with them.

[CrunchyChristian]

Our son did that and as it turns out, it was for attention. We tried giving him a few chunks at a time, feeding him ourselves and so forth. What worked was taking the tray off, pulling him flush up to the table and right next to us. We used to keep him a few feet from us for fear we'd get pelted with food LOL!

It was pretty easy to figure out the problem with DS, he's HN and that didn't stop at meantime. :LOL

[Periwinkle]

I'm posting again with tremendous thanks to all of you for your terrific ideas. Two weeks and counting, and no food throwing anymore!!! I am cautiously feeling optimistic that at least this particular bout/phase is behind us. I'm sure it'll crop up again from time to time, but now I feel confident that I have something positive/constructive to do now. Thanks everyone!!

Here's what we are doing differently...

1. Always sit down with dd and ds when they eat, relax and talk with them. (no more trying to clean up the kitchen while they eat lunch... my previous favorite time for catching up on dishes!). I think this was the biggest helper, as food throwing was worst at lunchtime.

2. No more scolding of food throwing. However, dh and I do immediately but cheerfully say "Oh, it looks like you're not hungry anymore..." and then take him down from his highchair. (And we let him back up if he comes back and wants more food, but again take him down ASAP if he throws any.)

3. Initially, we gave only a few bites at a time. When he finished, we gave him a few more. This was pretty easy since I was sitting right there next to him (and dd).

I think the combination of not making it into a struggle AND not allowing it to become a mommy-attention-getter was the key.

Thank you everyone!!

[Piglet68]

I love hearing success stories! Thanks for posting this!

[ctdoula]

Thank you so much for bringing this back up. I missed the original post, but you could have substituted your ds for my dd! I'm going to try to implement the changes you tried. I too use the time she's eating to clean up/load the dishwasher. I'll start sitting down with her, etc.

Amy