Annoy the anti-gay... - Page 2

[Arduinna]

thank you

I don't know what I would do without you guys!!

ITA agree with you that in the end it will all be worth it once we all get the equal rights we deserve.

I'm actually more frustrated at the people I have to deal with that are homophobes than the media in general. but that is a topic for another thread.

[kama'aina mama]

So I am curious... do any of you engage in specific activism on this front? Or just live your life and deal with opportunities to educate and effect change as they come up?

[chfriend]

Hi Kama!

I think that I used to be an activist and now just live my life, but the people around me continue to refer to me as an activist. As you know (!) running after a 3 y. old (and working and picking up slack for pregnant dp...we use only occasional substitute care and both work 80%) honestly I can't really think what I'm doing that's so active!

DP and I help coordinate a glbt (parents) playgroup through our local glbt parents/wanna be parents org. I agreed to be part of an "oral history" project for the local middle school. I turn up when asked to, but don't go seeking after chances to do so.

I live a long plane ride from Mass. My state isn't likely to pass any "y'all go ahead and get hitched" legislation soon. But the part of the state that I live in is a hotbed of liberals and homosexuals (and attachment parents.)

I think it's kind of like advocating breastfeeding. I don't criticize anybody for the choice she makes, but I talk in ways that assume everyone breastfeeds until her little one is all done. I've donated my milk when it would help.

I commute to a good paying, completely flexible houred job full of shall we say Republicans who are shall we say not fully supportive of same-gender marriage. I clamp my jaw shut, keep my internet screen on MDC (lurking), and take home my paycheck (and domestic partner benefits) to my beautiful and growing family.

[Arduinna]

Formal activism as in member of an organization, no.

heck I'm honestly overwhelmed with my life at the moment. And I don't feel confident that I would be accepted.

I know, I will never know unles I try, but honestly I'm barely hanging on at the moment.

[kama'aina mama]

Arduinna... I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't accept you or your aid in activism. Before I left California about 7 years ago I was very active in the battle to confirm recognition of marriages from other states. (This was around the time that it looked like Hawai'i might be the first state with queer marriage.) It was an interesting step thru the looking glass in some ways. Whenever I turned up at meeting, when I went to clubs and events to help with signature drives.. everyone assumed I was queer. I had to repeatedly 'come out' as straight. The funny thing was watching people have the same reaction that I know I have to realising someone was different than I had assumed. "Oh." A slight cock of the head... blink, blink.. nod. "Okay!" Just the few moments it takes to refile someone in your mental rolladex!

I ask in part because I am thinking about jumping into church politics where I attend regularly and work towards our church declaring itself "Open and Affirming"... which is to say, totally welcoming of Queers. Hang a rainbow banner, etc. I am very new to church attendance and know zero about councils and committees and how any of this stuff works. But I'm thinking, hey, we're a smallish church, full of good hearted people who I think would, in general, be open to this. All I probably need to do is put it to them... maybe they just haven't thought of it. So I asked my pastor. He said that a process like that, getting it through the appropriate committees, smoothing ruffled feathers, discussing, answering questions, defining terms and projecting ramifications, blah de blah blah... would probably take about a year if it goes moderately smoothly. I had no idea. I don't know if I have the energy. I don't know if I am the right person for the job as I have a tendency to get rather, well... hot under the collar... when I think people are being unreasonable. (Read 'when they won't just shut up and think what I told them they should think!' )

[Arduinna]

I'm concerned about being accepted because our community center doesn't even include bi in their name, it's the gay and lesbian community center. So that has me scared to even call and ask if they have any support for bi people.

Dang, I barely have anyone to talk about this with as it is and I'm not that integrated myself as to who I am. Hell, I afraid to just go there, I think I'd break down just from seeing so many of us in one place.


I must commend you for your effort, I think it's a awesome idea. I can completely understand how overwhelming it must seem. Alot of steps.

[kama'aina mama]

PM me the phone number and the time zone. I'll call. Perhaps it's just a center that's been there since before... you know, when even the queers themselves only addressed the issues of their majority and most visible membership. Signs can cost a fortune! But yes, I know that some gays look down their noses at bi's. I can understand your nerves.

As an aside, I hope no one minds my use of the word queer. I was at a meeting recently where the primary speaker was so good at saying "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered People" all in one quick breath that I was amazed. My tongue gets tied and so do my fingers in this venue, so I stick to the shortest "big tent" word I know. If it bothers anyone I hope they will tell me.

Oh, and I haven't done anything commendation worthy yet. In fact I'm kinda playing Jonah... pretending I don't notice God tapping me on the shoulder, metaphorically. Hoping someone else will pick up the standard so I can just be the faithful sidekick. I'm not impressed with myself.

[Arduinna]

what a sweet offer, but I won't make you make a long distance call just cause I'm a scared, I'll get to it I promise.

I'm fine with the terminology that has been used here so worries from me, thanks for asking though. *not saying I'm the final word for all*

[DaryLLL]

OK, now I get what you were on about to me the other day. I guess I am so used to being a freak, I didn't get how you were feeling so persecuted!



Tales from my life:

If it makes you feel any better, I consider myself about 70% straight, 30% same sex interested.

My 18 yo dd is completely bi.

My neice is a lesbian, from a really really fundie family to boot. She is a tough little dyke, with a lot of love still, somehow, in her heart.


We all took a nice trip to Northhampton last summer. (MA lesbian friendly town, maybe you've heard of it.)

The lead singer in my dh's rock band is a large middle-aged black woman whom we do not know whether she still has a penis or not. Beautiful voice.

My UU pastor is a lesbian (as well as having many other good qualities) in a commited relationship, and they had twins last spring and I helped them get bfing going.

Our church is "Welcoming" to GLBTs. Yeah, we have pagans too!

Now that I am a WOHM, in a flower shop, can I tell you how disappointed I am that there isn't a gay man working there? Well, heck, I didn't even know straight guys could arrange flowers! Ha! I keep hoping someone will show up. It just seems something is missing in the ambience.

March yourself on down to the queer org and I bet you will meet more bi people there than you think. My own personal theory is, everyone is bi, culture just beats it out of them. Then you get things like football and hair salons and women only Bible study and gyms. For "acceptable" intimate same sex contact, I mean.

I hope my exps make you feel a tiny bit less alone.

[chfriend]

Arduninna,

Not much time 'cause I gotta run to work, but I wouldn't let the name bug you. GLBT is a pain to try to express in simple plain understandable language. I'm old enough to remember when we were all "gay" (thus, "gay man") kinda like we use "queer" now.

Our glbt group has people in it that I think of as straight, though technically I think they are bi *and* poly. But of course with little ones, who has time??! Anyway, all I'm saying is that of course there are close minded bigots in queer organizations. The shall we say...oh you know...can't have them all.

If you run into one, you've just run into someone you want to avoid. And hey, I'd make the call for you as well!

Another thought, how about going to a women's music festival or gathering? Lots of married bi (and straight) women at those!!

Okay, really do gotta run....

Kama: Okay with me that you use queer. I can tell even over the internet it's not accompanied by a sneer. Now , really really I gotta kiss dd and dp good-bye and get out of here!

[Arduinna]

it was so nice to have this be the first thread I read this morning when I came online. you guys don't know how much it all means to me.

[DebraBaker]

My BIL and SIL emailed me that petition and I signed it (the other way ) I didn't say anything to the inlaws, though (someday but not now)

That was a few months ago, however.

Here are my thoughts about rights and people giving you rights.

You (everyone, editorial you) have certain inherent rights regardless of the opinions of others.

'problem is when someone is a minority they are at the mercy of what the majority is willing to give.

I think a culture can be measured by how much the majority (or people in power) acknowledge about the inherent rights of minorities.

And, yes, the Bible says to love (your neighbor, your enemies, 'sinners') so, unless the Fundies are secretly having gay feelings, they should be focusing on their duty to be kind and loving instead of pointing out what part of the bibe others should be focused on.

This always gets me.

Debra Baker

[chfriend]

Hi Debra,

You know I've spent my life saying "It's all about how you (we) treat babies and old people." I think it's fair to judge groups on that basis.

Your broader way of looking at it is clearly more accurate. I wonder often why it's not in everyone's interest for dp to be obligated to care for our child as she would if the state allows us to marry. Or dp and I to be obligated to provide each other's necessities and pay each other's debts.

(While I believe it would be immoral, and therefore don't,) I could apply for financial aid for school or other benefits for my child on my salary alone, even though we live on both salaries. Nepotism rules have had to be expanded to include domestic partnerships even when benefits are not.

Rights and responsiblities go hand in hand. I have the moral responsibilities...I wish I had the legal rights to go with them.
I keep wondering what interest this serves for the majority?