please remove - Page 2

[PlayaMama]

jeez.

i really hope that this little girl is kept safe. ugh, i feel sick. thank you for doing something about this.

[Maeve]

Originally Posted by katheek77

You call CPS. You tell them what you heard.

In the case of probable sexual abuse (and, honestly, in what context does a grown man put his "butt" against a 4 year olds where it hurts), you err on the side of caution, which means protecting the child. Quite frankly, she sounds like she's in a situation where she is being traumatized, whether by the boyfriend or someone else is for others to sort out, but, in the meantime, she needs to be protected.

You call CPS. End of story.

I completely agree. Honestly, I wouldn't count on the mom to do anything since she seems to not want to believe it.
I would not be able to live with myself if I thought something was going on and didn't try to do something about it.

[elephantine]

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[lalaland42]

Let the professionals work this out. Unfortunately it sounds like this little girl is being sexually abused. CPS and/or the police need to be informed immediately.

[Maeve]

Originally Posted by elephantine

I'm not in their state and don't even have their address info, so it would have to be my friend or the grandparents calling

If you have their full names, plus city, you can get their address. Plus, people can call CPS without knowing the address, so that shouldn't be a problem.
Or is it that you don't feel you shouldn't call?

[elephantine]

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[Maeve]

I understand, but my family has been forever damaged by sexual abuse so I guess I'm looking at it from the other side.

[soso-lynn]

I agree with whoever said this was a case for the police, not just CPS.

I would advise your friend's grandarents to go straight to the police (or call them over) to open an investigation. The police will contact CPS to arrange a placement. If they have a camera or recorder they can even shoot a little video of the child explaining what happened if they think she will be too intimidated by police and other adults to talk to them.

If they want to be taken seriously, they need to react in proportion to the situation. In this case, calling the police is definitely more appropriate than waiting, even if she is safe for now.

The reason I would not call the mother first is that she might get angry and decide to come pick up her daughter immediately (maybe even with the boyfriend). That would really complicate things if the mother then does not want to cooperate.

[lalaland42]

Can you call your friend and talk to her over the phone about calling CPS?

I am so sorry that you were a victim of CPS, however, I would say it is most likely true that this little girl is being raped and her mom is turning a blind eye. She needs someone to protect her. Beyond the immediate need for getting away from this man, she needs to have someone backing her up and not minimizing. At some point she will be an adult and that future adult needs to know everyone did their damnedest to protect her.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by soso-lynn

If they have a camera or recorder they can even shoot a little video of the child explaining what happened if they think she will be too intimidated by police and other adults to talk to them.

While I think that calling the police is reasonable option, PLEASE do not have the grandparents get the child to tape anything. IF there is abuse going on (and that's an open question right now), the grandparents don't want to be in a position where they're accused of leading the child in questioning. A good defense lawyer could make mincemeat of the video tape and IF (and it is an if) the guy is guilty, he could walk free.

The police should have access to people who are TRAINED to do this.

[Learning_Mum]

You need to do something. Sure, give the family a couple of days, but if they decide to leave it you need to call someone.

This poor little girl is begging for help, and everyone is shutting her down. So far all the adults in her life have given her the impression that what is being done to her is OK.

How will she feel when she's older, and realises that lots of people knew and no one helped. What is going on now is damaging. Not only is she possibly being molested but the people that she loves and trusts and that she is turning to for help aren't doing anything.

Please don't sit by and do nothing.

[SquishyKitty]

Originally Posted by elephantine

I don't know the names of the grandparents other than the last name. I didn't think about trying to look up the info, they have a very common last name. As it is, the girl is safe for this week, I think it would be appropriate to at least give the family time to act on this.

My family was destroyed by a CPS call from a stranger ten years ago, so I am wary just for that reason, yes.. and I am hearing this filtered through several people as well. If the girl were in imminent danger tonight, I would probably do my best to find out their info and report, but that is not the case here.

When it comes to sexual abuse, you don't take a wait and see approach. CPS exists to help out children like this little girl. She needs their intervention. And you need a professional child psychologist to question the child, not grandparents or emotionally involved family members who will ask very leading questions. Get some impartial people involved now, or get the grandparents to do the same.

[doctormom]

I'll second (third?) the PP who said - the grandparents should not question the child further about this incident. If she brings it up, they should listen neutrally, but not ask leading questions. They should write down what she says, using the exact words of the child, and dating all written records. A notebook for this purpose would be ideal. They will want to provide those to CPS.

A trained interviewer will be able to elicit the most accurate, appropriate information - and will be the most believable witness for the court system, should a criminal or custody case arise. There are some excellent child psychologists who are trained to do skilled interviewing in a developmentally appropriate way that is not traumatic or fearful for the child. The ER or the police in the community will know who to contact.

Calling CPS is appropriate given the information you have shared. The adults responsible for protecting this little girl need to take steps to protect her, and it is sad that her mother has been unable or unwilling to do so. I wouldn't confront the mother - she may threaten or coach the child to change her story - just encourage your friend to call CPS and enlist some professional help.

[Freefromitall]

I'd call CPS ASAP.
They *may* place her in a kinship placement, if the grandparents are willing. But I don't know that for sure, it's just that its a possibility.

ETA: This 4yr old has asked for help AT LEAST twice now. Her mother has already let her down. Please encourage your friend to report what was said to her!

[Bellabaz]

I read the op. DId the gm ask the girl to point to where her "butt" is? If so was it her genital area or butt, there fore indicating molestation or rape? DId she give anymore setail about how the man hurt her? B/c I think this is serious and should absolutley be treated as such but I also am not clear from the details that the little girl is meaning rape.

[Freefromitall]

rape or molestation, I think the response should be pretty much the same. A phone call tothe police or to CPS

[LaffNowCryLater]

Cps needs to be called....like yesterday!

[prothyraia]

I've seen folks on MDC respond with "call cps" for many many things that I don't think warrant that kind of action.

This is not one of those times. I can't think of anything that matches the description the little girl gave other than rape.

I also don't think that you can know for sure that the girl is not in imminent danger. Depending on how the conversation with her mother goes, she may *not* end up spending the rest of the week with her grandmother.

You need to make sure that the authorities (CPS, police) are made aware of this as soon as possible. Ideally, the girls mother would have contacted them already by now. If she has, great, you or your friend won't be telling anyone anything new. If she hasn't- SOMEONE needs to. YOU need to make that happen, for her sake.

My husband works with abused children. This girl needs to have someone with the proper training listen to her and figure out what's going on.

[mamarhu]

I am both a foster parent and a custodial (kinship) grandparent. I know the System with all its flaws, but this is really a case to intervene! Please do whatever you can to encourage the grandparents to call CPS.

And update us if you can. Thank you for getting involved.

[Rosehip]

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