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post #61 of 104
Heartbreaking. Please, call yourself Mama. Call CPS and tell them what you have told us. Mom is in total denial and is obviously not going to protect that girl. A 4 year old does not make up stuff like that .. I've got a butt/fart obsessed 6 year old and he's never said anything close!!

Also, I'm sure the boyfriend is alone with her. It's nearly impossible to live together and not have your partner be alone with your child. A quick run to the store, walking the dog, there are a million times for them to be alone. It would actually be hard, and odd, to be so vigilant that they were never alone together.

Alarms going off everywhere ... please call CPS yourself, someone needs to protect this little girl!
post #62 of 104
ITA that if they've been living together for 3yrs it would be INCREDIBELY unlikely that he's never alone withthe girl.
I hope that if your friend won't call, that you will.
post #63 of 104
Wow, this sucks so bad for the sweet little girl...updates?
post #64 of 104
Yes, please call and give as much info to CPS as possible, your friends name, the grandparent's name, anything - they should be able to give you advice on what you can do to get someone to help this child. If the mother wasn't sensing abuse, why would she try to make sure the bf was never alone with the child in the first place?
post #65 of 104
How long is this family planning on waiting to protect this child ? This little person is asking for help. If my niece said anything like that to me I would act instantly. Not wait to bring it up to her mom after a movie. And if the mother isn't willing to take possible rape seriously, then how can she be relied on to tell the truth that the bf never bathes her daughter or is alone with her. Like pp's have said, it is impossible that they are never alone. Will somebody please call CPS? If not the family then you. I am seriously doubting that a four year old would make up rape, and that is exactly what it sounds like.
post #66 of 104
Thread Starter 
post #67 of 104
good luck you are doing the right thing. be sure to keep copies of all the emails that were sent to you.
post #68 of 104
It's terrible that you have to deal with all of this because the people who SHOULD be taking care of this little girl are ignoring her. Thank goodness you, at least, care enough to intervene on her behalf.
post #69 of 104
I'm so relieved SOMEONE is going to do the right thing here. I know this is hard, but you are taking the steps to protect this little girl when no one else is, and that is awesome.

post #70 of 104

oh my. this is very sad, but I am glad you are involved. I'd go as far to say that you are involved for a reason, b/c no one else in this little person's life is able to protect her. I know it sucks. I know you don't want to do this, and I am the last person to recommend CPS, but this is the reason CPS exists. If there is no problem, then it won't be a problem. This girl is already traumatized.
post #71 of 104

You are doing the right thing. Better they hate you, than the little girl still suffering.
post #72 of 104
post #73 of 104
Thread Starter 
Somehow my friend or the grandparents forwarded her sister the link to this site and she read my update and is now supposedly on some rampage threatening to kill herself and is driving to pick up the girl now. I didn't realize when I cut and paste some posts from this site to show my friend, that the links were still working.

I won't be updating here anymore for this reason.
post #74 of 104
Elephantine, I am so so sorry that you have to deal with this but you really are doing the right thing. I am very disappointed in your friend.

Please do not let yourself feel bad or guilty for calling. I am sorry if your friend won't see this and gets mad at you but that's your friends problem. You are doing nothing wrong here. That little girl needs help and it really does sound like she's being abused. I've read the whole thread and not once did I have a doubt that calling authorities would be jumping the gun. You wouldn't be able to live with this if you didn't call and found out later that this guy really has been doing this all along. That would be much worse than losing a friend.

Maybe you should also keep a hard copy of the emails just in case you need them to prove that you have a legitimate concern.
post #75 of 104
Originally Posted by elephantine View Post
I talked to my friend earlier this day and she told me she was going to call her mom one more time and then call CPS afterward. She seemed determined to do what is right.... but I just received an e-mail saying that she talked to her dad who is also telling her not to report... I responded saying M has told her first hand she has been raped and this horrible crime must be reported now.

So she wrote back saying that she can't go against her mother and father.. that they are going to handle it and get P out of their lives either way.

This, of course, is not good enough. I can't believe I have to do this. I'm privy to this and there is no way for me to just wash my hands of it. I'm over 37 weeks pregnant and a hormonal wreck... I'm just angry that I have to be that random stranger that they are all going to hate for the rest of their lives. Why can't these people do what is right?? They already hate this boyfriend of A for other reasons, how can they be trying to cover this up???

And what if P escapes and violates more children?? The grandma is saying that "isn't her problem".

My friend suffers from clinical anxiety and depression as it is and her parents are telling her everything from this is going to cause A to commit suicide, to causing their divorce, to completely destroying their family. She's paranoid her sister is going to kill her b/c she has a key to her apartment. Her parents are being very manipulative and forbidding her to do this.

I'm just sick and angry... I am going to try to look up the address information for all the parties involved then I am going to call. I guess I will be losing a friend of 10 years... but this is soooo not my fault and soooooo not the little girl's fault.
There are tears streaming down my face as I type this. I would personally like to thank you for being brave enough to make the call. If this little girl is being abused (and I am in the camp that has a hard time believing it can be anything else) then you may very well be her savior. You can't imagine how much difference it makes to a survivor of sexual abuse to know someone cared enough to help them (or at least try). When noone helps or protects the child even when they've reached out for help it sends the message that they don't matter and they should be ashamed...and there is devastating and lasting damage from that as the child begins to internalize these messages, coming to believe they are not lovable, not worthy of love or protection, they are dirty and are to be ashamed and secretive of what happened to them. They also almost always believe it was somehow their fault.

I can only hope that CPS is able to intervene and protect her.
post #76 of 104
Oh honey, add me to the list of those crying over this situation. I'll be praying for courage and safety for you, and for this little girl. You ARE doing the right thing, though it is hard.
I just wish this poor little girl's family were more concerned with protecting her from this monster, than they are with her mother's feelings.
post #77 of 104
I am so sorry elephantine. You should not let them stop you from posting here. The mother of the little girl is the one with the problem and that little girl has NOBODY to advocate for her. You are an amazing person to not sweep this under the rug. You know that kids do not make these things up. My heart is BREAKING for this baby. That mother needs a huge wake up call. She has to ask herself why she's even with a man that she doesn't supposedly allow to be alone with her daughter. I pray that this mother comes around and I pray that you will get that little girl the help she deserves.

God bless you!
post #78 of 104
Originally Posted by elephantine View Post
Somehow my friend or the grandparents forwarded her sister the link to this site and she read my update and is now supposedly on some rampage threatening to kill herself and is driving to pick up the girl now. I didn't realize when I cut and paste some posts from this site to show my friend, that the links were still working.

I won't be updating here anymore for this reason.
Well, then, allow me to say that if the mother of that little girl happens to come back here and read this again: YOUR CHILD NEEDS YOU! NOTHING is more important than your child's safety, NOTHING! Even if you think there is a chance she is making it up, you are committing the worst kind of betrayal by dismissing it and not considering that there may be some truth. The message you send to her is that you love your BF more than her, that she is not worth it, that she is wrong to feel that she has the right to her own body. Chances are she will grow up to resent you, for never helping her. She may also grow up to repeat the pattern by either abusing others herself, or going from relationship to relationship with abusive men.

Please, I am begging you, as someone who has suffered through this, PLEASE talk to your daughter, PLEASE take her seriously, and PLEASE protect her!! I have spent the last six years of my life trying to pick up the pieces myself and I'm still not there yet. And the abuse your daughter may be suffering sounds even worse than what I went through.

What will you say to her, after she has grown and comes to you asking "WHY didn't you help me? WHY did you let him hurt me like that, when I told you it was happening?? How could you?"
post #79 of 104
I hope that if these family members are reading this thread, that they take to heart all of these posts. That they realize that the little girl needs the adults in her life to step up and save her. My heart aches for this girl. She is going to need so much love and understanding to come through this. I hope she gets the help that she needs, poor baby.
post #80 of 104
Elephantine...I'm so sorry this is blowing up in such an ugly way. I was already concerned about the little girl, but the mom's denial is so blatant that I'm more convinced than I was that she's being sexually abused. It's bad enough that she's accusing her dd of making this up, and refusing to take it seriously. It's horrifying that she's claiming her boyfriend is never along with her daughter...because, if she believes that it's not safe for her dd to be around him, after he's lived with them for 3.5 years, then she shouldn't be with him at all. And, if she doesn't believe that (and hence is not being hyper vigilant in the way that would imply), then she's flat out lying. That poor little girl.

I understand why the mom doesn't want face the possibility/probability that someone she's been intimate with is a pedophile. I truly do. I went through something similar with my ex and it was the most disturbing experience of my life. Fortunately, in my case, there was no concern of him actually having hurt anybody irl, and I found out after the breakup...but it was still really upsetting. However, in this case, the safety of her daughter is at stake, and she's going to have to face the ugly truth.

You might want to advise your friend to change her locks if she really is that worried about her sister potentially getting into her home and harming her or her family. In some ways, it sounds far out, but we all know people can be really irrational.
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