Weaning?

[holdenbear'smama]

I havent' been on Mothering in almost two years. I don't have anyone in real life to talk about this with though. I have a three year old son and I think he's weaning. I feel like a forced it albeit accidentally. For about the last year, we've been having latch issues. He'd go on with a wide open mouth, but when he actually started sucking, his mouth seemed to clamp down and was uncomfortable. So we talk about it and relatch and relatch. I told him it hurts when his mouth is so small. For the last week he asks to nurse and he just puts his mouth on but doesn't form any suction. He's actually only nursed once in the last week. He was really tired. I think he's just trying not to hurt me, which is really sweet. Did anyone have toddler wean like this? By asking to nurse, but not actually nursing. Also, everytime he does this when he's done with putting his mouth there, he tells me he's so happy to nurse, and it makes him so happy, and that he likes mom's boo milk. It's kind of funny, but also kind of sad, because he's not actually getting anything.

I don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe I should be happy that this is happening. . . but I"m not really feeling that way.

Holden'smama

[jillmamma]

First of all, congrats to both of you for a 3+ year nursing relationship! That is amazing.

I am on my second nursling right now, and she is 3.5. My oldest weaned at almost 5, but it was more by mutual consent than child led. I had been tandem nursing for 2 years at that point and was really ready to be down to nursing just one kid again. So we kind of did as you described your son is doing, except it was my lead, then finally got to where he was fine with me just laying with him at night for a bit before going to bed instead of nursing.

Now my DD is 3.5, and down to just at night before bed. She still asks for her "milk" every night if I am putting her to bed, but is fine and does not ask if someone else is putting her to bed (not often it is someone other than me). Sometimes she wants to be latched on for 5 minutes or so on a side, and sometimes she just latches on, then right back off. She has been doing it like this since at least last summer, so more than 1/2 a year.

So the way I see it, he is still comforted to know that the milk is available to him, but he is probably starting to grow away from needing it as much if that makes any sense. It is probably a step towards weaning, and could mean total weaning soon if you encourage that, but if you are still fine with the status quo, could still mean many more months (maybe even a couple more years) of nursing. I remember that really bittersweet feeling of being proud that DS was grown up enough to be okay w/o nursing, yet missing the fact that he was not so little anymore. Same thing when both started preschool and DS went to K this year. You sould like a very caring mom and your DS is lucky to have you.

[pbjmama]

It sounds like part of the natural weaning process to me, for both of you. I haven't weaned yet but I'm sure it will be sad for me too, like my baby is growing up, becoming more independent. Hang in there, mama!

[holdenbear'smama]

thankyou

Thank you for the replies and support. Everyone I've talked to about this in my daily life, is responding with things, like, "well it's about time", "that's great". No one understands that it's an emotional thing. I've been offering more the last few days. I think he thinks of nursing as cuddling up and laying his head on my chest, because he says yes, and then that's what he does. He kind of nuzzles my breast and says he's done. I think we are definitely going through weaning. Bittersweet is the perfect word for it.

Tessa

[tittipeitto]

That's how my niece weaned! I was so jealous she was able to do it naturally like that. Sure it's bittersweet, but when you are all done with breastfeeding, maybe you'll find out like me with my firstborn, that it's actually great that now he just wants you not only your boob. After weaning, our closeness surely did not end, and now he would fall asleep next to my face, not down so low. I was amazed how it was not a sad thing after all. he is now 5 and cosleeps with us still. 

So I would say just feel good about it, and let your son know you have other ways to cuddle up too.. cause it sort of sounds like he is sad about the change too. maybe he is just fooling you, while he too knows nothings coming out anymore... because he does not want to loose those moments.