You've gotten some great advice so far. A few years ago, I probably could have written your post myself (minus the kids). These are some things I did to cut back our food expenses.
Bought an espresso maker (a cheapie) and make it at home. DH was spending $5/day on coffee, 5 days/wk. It didn't take long to recoup the cost of the machine. Now he might buy coffee a couple times a year. I make it fresh every morning, religiously. That's the first thing I do while he's in the shower. Pour it into his travel mug, rinse the carafe, and it's ready for tomorrow. It only gets washed every few months.
Joined a CSA. We're having trouble finishing all the produce we're getting right now, in the middle of winter. Once summer starts, we'll be getting even more. This costs me $29/week (goes up to $32 in a few weeks), year round. It is all organic, all local. I gave up control over what we get, in exchange for cutting my produce bill by 2/3. It makes planning a little more difficult, but the boxes come in on Friday morning, and I shop on Saturday morning, so I can change any plans I may have. The only thing I'm buying at the store lately is extra potatoes.
Prepare breakfasts in advance for the week. I usually do this on Sundays. I've slacked off lately, but was religious about it for a long time. Egg muffins, egg custards, quiche, baked oatmeal, etc. Make 1 dish to last all week, and next week make something else to prevent boredom. We go out to breakfast one Saturday a month. The rest of the time I'll put a little extra effort into weekend breakfasts. Sometimes that's french toast, pancakes, muffins, sometimes it's an omelette stuffed with everything.
Shop alone. This cuts down on impulse buys, and also the amount of time it takes to do the shopping. I do my grocery shopping on Saturday morning while DH sleeps in - once this little one is a little older, I'll be leaving her with him while I do it... I have it down so I can get it all done in under an hour.
Go shopping once a week, period. Stock your pantry, your freezer and your fridge with the basics, and then buy the fresh stuff once a week. Use a list. If you forget something, you'll have to do without until the next week. This has been crucial for me to reduce my spending. That extra trip to the store for one thing inevitably winds up being an extra $30-50.
Buy in bulk. Those items that you use a lot of, buy in larger quantities. Shop around. My WF has a decent bulk selection, but the local independent HFS has a better (and cheaper) one. So I make the extra trip a couple times a year to stock up on those things we use. Everything from baking soda to organic popcorn. Buy legumes dried if you're currently buying canned - there's a considerable cost savings. I soak them overnight and then freeze them in 2 c portions. They cook in under 20 minutes that way, and I only have to soak once a month or so.
Plan. Plan. Plan. I know it's been said before, but I'm saying it again. Plan out a week's meals. And use today's leftovers for tomorrow's meal. So tonight you're having a roast chicken - then tomorrow shred whatever meat is left and make a pan of enchiladas or a shepherd's pie. Pop the carcass in the soup pot overnight, add some veg and on the 3rd day you have a pot of soup - add some bread or a salad. The effort from 1 to 2 to 3 is minimal, since the meat is already cooked, you're basically making leftovers. If you can come up with 3 different sets of (1,2,3)s, then you just made your life a whole lot easier. And here, a pan of enchiladas and a pot of soup both serve as lunches as well, since there's always leftovers from those.
Lunch is the most difficult meal for me, personally. I'm SAH and half the time I just wind up grabbing a piece of cheese and an apple. But planning ahead can resolve that issue as well. I pack DH a lunch every day without fail. Usually it's made up of leftovers from last night (veg & meat), some fresh fruit (apples), a fresh veg (carrots), a cup of yogurt, a piece of cheese, and usually some nuts or another dry snack. If I've made something (cookies, cake, muffins, etc.) then I pack that in there as a special treat, too. I know you said your DH WAH, but planning for "packing" that lunch means you'll always have those items on hand. Sometimes I'll plan something in particular for his lunches, like his favorite casserole. I'll make that on the weekend while I'm making breakfasts, and then we'll both eat that all week long for lunch, with the addition of some fresh produce.
Then there's the subject of convenience foods. I highly recommend learning to make them. My DH is a huge pasta lover, and would live on (Kraft) Mac & cheese if I let him. So I had to learn to make it myself. I always stir in a meat and a veg (usually sausage and peas, but I've done ham, chicken, even leftover Xmas goose, broccoli, asparagus, etc.), to make it a bit more healthy. And I make a huge pan of it, so he can eat his fill. He knows it's a treat, so I might make it once a month, tops. We'll have it for dinner, then the leftovers go in his lunch. Most convenience foods can easily be made from scratch. If you need help with a particular favorite, posting a question in the Nutrition and Good Eating forum will usually get you half a dozen favorite recipes. If you're making something like pizza from scratch, then oftentimes the sticking point is the time to make the dough. So every month take a little time and make a BIG batch of it. Divide it and freeze it. Then if you want pizza for dinner, just pull the dough out and let it thaw, minimal prep required.
The last thing you seem to have trouble with is feeding your 2 yo. She is at an age where she should be able to understand the concept of "this is your food, eat it when you're hungry". You can make a tray of easy stuff for her to eat, and just do it once a day. Cut up an apple or an orange, a couple pieces of cheese, a handful of nuts, some veg, maybe a dip - whatever you would normally give her as a snack. Doing it once a day cuts down on your work, and just put it where she can reach it. It allows her a certain amount of control about what she eats when, and prevents the constant requests for mommy to fix something. She can still sit down with you for "meals", but all her snacks have already been dealt with.
And on the subject of snacks - keep some on hand at all times. Whether that means designating a snack drawer or a snack cupboard or whatever. For you, your LO and your DH. Easily grabbed food that doesn't require any prep. A bowl of fruit, string cheese, crackers, whatever. Around here my DH will grab for string cheese or some wasabi peas if he's feeling peckish. Just make sure you keep plenty of them on hand, and make sure it's items that you're okay with.
You say you're spending that much on food right now, but only have an over-the-fridge freezer. If you cut back on your food buying, will you still have that money available in the budget? I think we spent about $200 to buy our chest freezer. If you have the space for one, I highly recommend it. Between buying in season produce, buying on sale meat, and cooking for the freezer, it can save you lot of time and money.
I hope all of that helps.
...been married 4 years and I can't tell you how long it took me to make a pizza that cooked correctly!
Up until the past six weeks or so, DH and I ate out 2-3 times a week, every week. My "explanation" is the exact opposite of yours: we both work outside the home full time (DH way more than full time) and it's haaaard to come home after work and start cooking dinner! I also used to buy my lunch almost every day.
: Occasionally, I will add some leftover veggies to cook in with the chicken, but it depends on what I have planned for it later in the week. A crockpot is nice because I can wander off, run errands, etc and not worry about it. You can just as easily boil it on the stove.
Lunches are usually leftovers or grilled cheese or peanut butter and jelly. Breakfast is cereal and milk, oatmeal, or fruit and yogurt. Something simple since mornings are hectic with two school schedules. When the baby takes a particularly long nap or their dad takes them out somewhere and I have extra time, I make a meal to freeze for chaotic days when everyone is miserable and I get nothing done. That way I just chock up the day to a loss and pull a meal out of the freezer to toss in the microwave or oven. Sometimes meals are simple like a crusty bread from the freezer(gotten on the reduced rack from "yesterday's bread" section) and some cans of soup. Sometimes they are more involved like yesterday's tofu, spinach, and mushroom stuffed shells(which sounds all fancy for me but it was really VERY simple). And there are those days when I have nothing in the freezer and everyone is miserable and whiny and I stick the baby in the sling and hand her a cracker and bribe the big ones to help me whip up something. But when there's NO budget to go out, you simply DON'T go out. It's just not there in the budget so it doesn't happen.
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