2yo ds1 mutilated, DS2 will not be

[esokitty]

I know there are about a thousand different posts on this, but of course, I'm convinced my story is "different" so I'm looking for advice specific to me... Can you help?

When DS1 was born in 06 i did not want to circ him. His father did. We argued and argued, and finally I stupidly gave in mostly to appease him.

With this pregnancy we have mostly been seperated, and he has decided to take a business trip when his second son is born. Last night he told me it wasn't a big deal to him if this son is circ'ed or not.

I'm not going to do it. I know that little kids think differently than we do and it probably won't bother DS1 much. I just wonder how I will speak about it with him, if he asks, given that I can't say "i didn't know any better" and would have to say something like "against my wishes I let them hurt you, and i wouldn't do that for your brother.

Help?!?!

[Limabean1975]

I have not been in your position, but it would fit with my parenting philosophy to say "I didn't know any better"...in some kind of manner that says he's okay, the way he is is okay, but you learned how risky it is, etc, before having DS2 and knew you should not have done it to him and will never do it again. It's okay to admit to mistakes and the ability to learn from them to your kids, IMO. Again, I have not been in your position and I know it's a very touchy thing.

[Limabean1975]

Posting again to add more thoughts. Sounds like you did "know better" but gave in to the demands of his father. When DS1 is old enought, you might talk in general terms about how sometimes we are convinced to do things that are against what we believe in our hearts...that that is a mistake that humans sometimes make due to pressures from others, from society/culture, etc...that's a valuable lesson.

[Greg B]

Don't beat yourself up. You didn't know better with the first. You felt like it was better not to, but were swayed by your husband. Since you are both parents, and a team, you were taking that into consideration.

For your second son, you now do know better. Partly form more reading, partly form having gone through the experience. I think you can say that with a straight face.

And, just a comment. I was RIC, my two younger brothers were not. Not an issue at all.

My best friend was intact. Not an issue at all, save one short conversation.

I am RIC and both m,y sons are intact. No issue at all explaining to them.

Regards