Uggg, reward system again UPDATE POST #20 - Page 2

[Theoretica]

Honestly mama, I'd really encourage you to go over the principal's head at this point. Please consider writing an extremely firm letter recapping your discussion(s) with the teacher and the principal, and sending it to the district superintendent, cc the principal and the teacher of course.

You'd be AMAZED how fast things get done when it starts heading up the chain of command.

I had to do this with a few things at my oldest DD's school when she was little. The speed at which things started to move was astounding!

I think what concerns me the most (other than this teacher's way of just being clueless) is that the kids (and your DD) are being taught inadvertently that policy and expectation don't matter. It's supposed to be a given that they won't be singled out like this, that everyone will be treated with respect and fairly. And their school is failing them in this.

Ugh!

[russsk]

Originally Posted by momtokea

Buy her the book "Punished by Rewards" by Alfie Kohn.

While I agree with this in principle, it sounds like the teacher is pretty defensive and wouldn't read it anyway. I would write a letter, to the teacher, principal and school board using that book, though. The book references a lot of studies that show how harmful this kind of system can be. I would synthesize those findings in a letter, and point out how dd is already showing signs of suffering from the system. Point out that if it continues, you are very concerned that it will damage her inherent love of learning and cooperation with others. I would then present some alternatives for the teacher that are less bad. Maybe somehow involving all the students in recognizing their classmates, like a peer award, or recognizing each table for something they did the best that week.

My ds is just 1, so I don't have any experience dealing with teachers as a parent, but I vividly remember systems like these all the way through junior high. Sorry your dd has to deal with this, it really stinks.

[CarrieMF]

Honestly mama, I'd really encourage you to go over the principal's head at this point. Please consider writing an extremely firm letter recapping your discussion(s) with the teacher and the principal, and sending it to the district superintendent, cc the principal and the teacher of course.

I agree. IMO the teacher did it this way so YOU couldn't say anything to her. It's time to go to the school board.

[Theoretica]

Originally Posted by russsk

recognizing each table for something they did the best that week.

I like your suggestions w/referencing the book in the letter too, but just wanted to say that THIS idea is pure genius!

[Mercury_Girl]

I'm sure this was answered in the other post & I missed it, so I'll ask. Can she switch to another room? I have a short fuse I admit, but I'd going back to the principal, the superintendent & the school board. I'd be talking to them all everyday until I got satisfaction.

[3*is*magic]

I read your other thread and am curious - will the teacher make sure that each and every table gets a chance to eat with her this year, or are the same tables rewarded over and over again? If every child is "rewarded" over the course of the year then I guess I find it *somewhat* less objectionable.

While I completely agree that this teacher has a screw or two loose (regarding this situation, and the others you mentioned in the other thread) and that rewarding kids in this way is NOT a smart strategy, I am not sure this is a battle that you are going to win. I think that approaching the principal again to get the reward system changed or involving the school board could, ultimately, backfire and your daughter could suffer the consequences. This teacher clearly uses poor judgement. Who is to say that she wouldn't tell the entire class that the reward system has changed because your daughter objected to it?

I think that instead you should write a letter to the teacher and CC the principal and say that your feelings on this matter have not changed and that from here on out you would like 24 hours notice of when the reward will be granted so that you can pull your child out for lunch that day.

It is nearly impossible to change a person's behavior, but it is completely within your power to change your reaction. And I bet your daughter would love to have a special lunch with mom once a month .

[amcal]

Leeann,
Thank you for your post. I feel the exact same way. I don't like it but, the principal has said she is allowed to use this reward system. The principal said she felt it was excessive and would talk to her and maybe she did and that's why other children were chosen to have pizza as well? I don't know.

As far as whether or not she plans to make it fair, I don't see how she can. The children choose their own tables and are encouraged to sit by those who will help them win so , the tables are always different. I think it would be impossible for her to make sure every child gets pizza unless choosing a couple children who have never won to get a slice of pizza as well is her way of making it fair?

I will be having a meeting with the principal after spring break to decide where to place DD next year so we won't have this teacher again. I will once again bring up the lunch thing at our meeting but other than that, I don't feel going to the school board or demanding an immediate teacher change is in my DDs best interest.

I want to respect my DD who does not want a big issue made out of this. I will continue to stay on top of it and will try to find out how the reward is going to be done ahead of time so I can let my DD make her decision on how she wants to handle it.

Thanks everyone for all the wonderful thoughts and advice!

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I completely agree with respecting your daughter's feelings on this and understand that she doesn't want to make a big deal out of it. And I think if you decide to just grit your teeth and ride out the year, that is fine.

However, if you want to make sure that next year's children aren't subjected to the same thing, and you have some flexibility in your life, here is a thought. And I freely admit that I don't have the flexibility to make this work.

Is this a public school? If so, they are paid according to how many students are in attendence each day. Assuming there isn't a limit on the number of absenses that a child is allowed and can still pass the grade, I would write a letter to the principal along the lines of "My child is so uncomfortable with participating/witnessing this spectacle that we will keep her home on the days that this takes place. We understand that she will need to make up the work missed in class and will work with the teacher to have her lessons done at home on this day. But this is so upsetting that she isn't learning on pizza days and this seems like the only way to ensure that she achieves the primary object of the school day -- academic learning."

This would accomplish several things. It would remove your child from an uncomfortable situation, it would be a consequence for the school because they will loose funding for the day. And it will underline for the principal that you mean business.

Of course, it would be even more effetive if more than just your child did this. I can't remember -- what do other parents think? Have you tried having a conversation with others about this? A larger group would have more power.

[IlluminatedAttic]

I remember from your other thread that you mentioned your daughter used to choose to sit with the, ummm, "bad kids" (how painful is that to write!) and try to help them so that they could have a chance to win also. Then she stopped doing this because she realized she couldn't help enough to get them to the prize and she herself was interested in winning. (Although I do understand from what you have written that she has been conflicted about it all along.) So while I agree that respecting your daughters feelings is important, I wonder if you are missing an opportunity to combat some of the harm this teacher has done and build on those original intentions your daughter had. Is there a way that you can problem solve with your daughter to empower her to stand up for herself and her classmates? Or can you explain why you will pursue this issue further with the principal and/or school board, not to embarrass her, but because standing up for those who cannot stand up for themselves is a noble action? I agree that finding out what other parents are thinking/feeling would be helpful and maybe this would not only make your position more powerful but also help your daughter feel less alone in her feelings.

[fadedgirl]

Originally Posted by amcal

Leeann,

I don't feel going to the school board or demanding an immediate teacher change is in my DDs best interest.

I want to respect my DD who does not want a big issue made out of this.

How could going to the school board and getting this stopped NOT be in your daughter's best interest?

You handling this with the principal, or school board, or whoever should have no affect on your child, such things shouldn't even enter her sphere of consciousness IMO. These are adult-only matters, your DD has enough to deal with on her own level with it, she shouldn't have the knowledge let alone bear the brunt of a decision of whether something gets brought up to a school board. Your daughter is too young to fully understand the ramifications of what is happening in her class AND what steps you could take as an adult with the school's administration. So I truly don't see where "respecting her wishes" has any or should have any bearing on this.

This teacher is clearly enjoying taunting you now. I think that in and of itself needs to be brought to the attention of someone in power. If I were you, I'd try to mobilize as many parents as possible and keep up the good fight. Nobody's children should be subjected to someone like this. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[amcal]

As I said before, I'm planning on discussing this again with the principal when we meet next month.

However, while I really don't like this at all, I do believe that maybe the prinicpal did say something to her which is why she's trying to include some of the other students in her pizza lunch. I don't know. But, I will discuss it again with the prinicpal.

As far as the other parents, I have discussed it with several but, as usual, I've discovered that what I feel is a big deal, most parents just don't think it's that big of a deal. The couple parents who don't like it really have other issues they're dealing with and a pizza party once a month isn't even on their radar.

I've asked DD if her other friends have said anything about it and she's said a few friends did. I talked to their parents specifically and only one feels like it's an issue but, her daughter is in 2nd grade and will have a different teacher next year so it's really a non issue for her.

I get what you all are saying but, I have no plans of going to the school board. I will talk to the principal again but, the principal has said that this teacher (and all teachers) are allowed to use reward systems if they choose. She felt this one was a bit extreme and was going to talk to the teacher and maybe she did and they decided that inviting a few other kids to join in was the way they were going to handle it. I don't know. But, like I said, I will discuss it again with the principal.

[mommy2maya]

I think that at the very very least this 'reward' needs to happen outside the classroom. At the least. It's just rude, and teaches rude manners, to eat something special in front of every one. I would so entirely demand that. I have not experienced anything like that, so I don't know exactly how I'd respond, but I know that I'd be hot.

[fadedgirl]

I'd like to know if any teachers think that what this teacher is doing is really a reward system. To me, it isn't.

Its seems more like a win/lose competition that results in an in-your-face punishment of the other kids. It would be a reward system if all the kids had a chance to achieve a reward (read a certain number of books, get a reward, read more books, get more rewards). By design only one table can win in this class, right? And the kids that don't win don't get rewarded for any level of progress?

Just a thought. I figure if you can stop the principal from classifying this as a reward system, they'd have no basis for continuing to allow it. I'd guess that there has to be a definition for what constitutes a true reward system in the educational realm...anyone???

[SunshineJ]

What an awful situation all around. You know your DD and the situation far better than any of us do, but I honestly don't think I could do nothing. I just imagine first the disappointment at the start of the year and then the resigned acceptance of the children who have been taught that they'll never have a chance to win this special prize, that they will never be "good enough" and it almost puts me in tears. That's a pretty brutal lesson from a teacher at this age. I can't begin to imagine how conflicted your poor DD is - and she'll have to keep dealing with this for another 3+ months. It's just a bad situation. Hope it can work out.

K.

[Milkymommy]

My DD's 2nd grade class earned a pizza party from their teacher earlier this month, but it was a group project where they all earned the party. They had to spell out the words "pizza party" and they earned a letter everytime the class got a compliment from another teacher or administrator.

It was fun and enjoyable and the teacher clearly set them up for a "win." They earned the party just in time for the day before Valentine's Day and the teacher brought in pizza and juice boxes for the entire class.

I can't see why your child's teacher cannot do something that would benefit all the students.