Has anyone tried self-insemination?

[caro113]

DP and I have been talking for quite some time about when to add another child to our family. DD is only 5 months old (next week, and I still can't believe it) so we aren't looking to get pregnant tomorrow, but we are looking towards the summer so they would end up being 18 months apart. Anyhow, DP has hardly any sex drive. In fact, it's been nearly seven months since we've had sex : yes, it's driving me crazy.
He was saying he wasn't sure about another baby because he really doesn't have the sex drive and has no desire to have sex. At all. But I recently heard about something called Self-Insemination. (I think from someone on here actually, in their sig) It's the idea of taking fresh (or thawed out frozen) sperm and injecting it into the vagina with a syringe (without the needle silly). To me, it seems like the same process of actually having sex with him ejaculating in me, just with an extra step - a sort of middle man - added to the mix.
Anyhow, I am curious if anyone has heard of this or ever tried it. I'm also wondering if anyone know how long it generally takes to conceive. I realize everyone is different but if it - on average - takes a year to work, then I definitely want to start soon. But if it usually takes 3 or 4 months then we wouldn't start until June-ish, so the children would be 18-21 months apart.
TIA

[UberMama]

I have, but it wasn't with my DH (it was a surrogacy situation).

I won't say much about this but your DP's lack of drive concerns me. Not because of your going crazy without it (though I feel for you, I do!). But because his lack of drive can be a symptom of a much larger health issue than his just not wanting sex.

Also, is it easier for him to masturbate to ejaculation vs. having sex? Like my DH says and I've heard other men say, it's easier for them to "finish" when having sex vs. taking care of themself (also preferable to have sex over taking care of themselves).

Self insemination can decrease your chances of conceiving somewhat (vs. having intercourse), yes. It's better to have the sperm in your vagina asap and not have them exposed to the "outside" (outside the warmth of his and your bodies, exposed to the light and air - some say that hurts them, etc.). How much it decreases the chances of conception? Hard to say.

If you need more specifics on how to do it, feel free to PM me.

[organicpapayamama]

Its actually called Artificial Insemination and yes you can do it yourself. Im am in the process of doing AI. Have not got pg yet.... there is no set time as to how long it can take go get pg, its the same as having sex, some people get pg on the first try and others it takes over a year.

[nummies]

Are you sure that his lack of sex drive isn't the symptom of a bigger problem?? Has this been a sudden change or has he always had low drive?

[llamalluv]

Originally Posted by UberMama

I won't say much about this but your DP's lack of drive concerns me. Not because of your going crazy without it (though I feel for you, I do!). But because his lack of drive can be a symptom of a much larger health issue than his just not wanting sex.

:

If my husband had a lack of sex drive that resulted in us not having sex for a month, I would be calling his doctor to set him up with hormone testing ASAP. Let alone seven months.

Having another child would be the last thing on my mind when the health of my marriage and probably my husband was in jeopardy.

[shy]

similar question - i have heard that you can "catch" the sperm into a cervical cap or even into a diva cup and insert this so that it has more time to stay in the cervix and may help in TTC.

i havent done this yet, but if we dont succeed next month, i may turn to this.

re: no sex drive for months i dont think it is so abnormal. i did not have it for 2 years after our first baby. just love your partner and give them time. of course there is nothing wrong with getting help if needed (and if it actually helps), but there is also nothing wrong with an interval of several months.

[nikkiethridge]

If your husband has no sex drive, how do you plan to collect any of his sperm? It seems to me, that if hehad zero sex drive, he is going to be less than willing to masturbate.

[llamalluv]

Originally Posted by shy

re: no sex drive for months i dont think it is so abnormal. i did not have it for 2 years after our first baby. just love your partner and give them time. of course there is nothing wrong with getting help if needed (and if it actually helps), but there is also nothing wrong with an interval of several months.

If her husband has had a baby, I would REALLY see a doctor. That would indicate a real problem.

[caro113]

Well the first month and half or so he wouldn't have sex with me because we were so close to our due date and he was terrified of doing something to make her come early. Then it was six+ weeks PP before we could even attempt again.
As for the lack of a sex drive, it is medically related. He has a very slow growing brain tumor (which, thanks to me, he found) and he was being stupid about it and started researching all the worse case scenarios, which really killed his sex drive. He doesn't believe in taken medication, so that's not an option. (He doesn't have insurance anyway) There's also a big family issue going on with his sister (his best friend growing up decided to date her behind his back. They got married, had a baby, and he left her and the baby ... over the phone. Now she's homeless and penniless, living with her parents. So that doesn't help the situation.)
Anyhow, we are trying to do the physical relationship deal without the sex, which I could be happy with. I guess I don't really need the sex, but I do want more children. I just heard about this and he said it seemed interesting but he wanted to research it more, obviously.
I've just accepted that he's not as sexual of a person as he used to be and that - in his words - he's getting older.

[llamalluv]

Once again - if my husband had a serious health problem, the last thing on my mind would be growing the family. But that's just my opinion.

[nikkiethridge]

Originally Posted by llamalluv

Once again - if my husband had a serious health problem, the last thing on my mind would be growing the family. But that's just my opinion.

This!

OP: Is there a reason why he is anti medicine? I mean, I know if I had something life threatening that could be treated with medicine, heck I'm on board. I have a family that needs me. That just seems a little selfish to me that your DP won't get any medical help for his condition.

[caro113]

I meant anti-medicine as in something along the lines of anti-depressants or anything like that, assuming it would even work. When it comes to his head, he's all for the medicine. But that's just the thing. It's not like it's going to kill him anytime soon. The docs said that it won't become a problem for another 15 to 20 years, and that's when they would start considering something like Chemo, and by then they will have so many more things out there to fight it. We've been told that it is extremely small and growing at such a slow pace that it's practically static. So basically, we are trying to just live our lives without letting that slow us down. He just doesn't have a sex drive and we want more children, so that's why we were looking into self-insemination. I figured someone around might know some things about it (-:

[Lauren31]

You could look into IUI... or something along those lines... not sure if I would do it though with all you have to deal with as a family. Just my opinion... good luck with whatever you decide.

[WoodlandFairytale]

I just wanted to jump in and offer some support since you have not gotten much here so far.

My husband has a low sex drive too - though not quite to the extent that yours does - and I have spoken to many women whose husbands/partners are the same way. A lot of men have less desire for sex than the stereotype of men implies, but we don't hear about it because many of them are embarrassed. Like my DH says, you always hear jokes about women who don't want to have sex and that's considered normal yet when guys aren't as into it, people assume there's something wrong.

Even if your DH didn't have a physical problem going on, there are lots of emotional and psychological issues that can cause low sex drive in men. My DH, for example, does not have a physical problem - he just grew up in a rather cold environment where no one touched each other so he does not like being touched very often. Sometimes masturbation is preferable to sex for him because it doesn't involve physical intimacy with another person. That is just the way he functions and there is nothing wrong with that.

Sure, it's challenging - both because I crave more physical intimacy than he does and because we have a tough time conceiving between his low sex drive and my PCOS. But we do what we can to meet in the middle.

I guess all of this isn't so much for the OP's benefit but for others who have responded, since some seem to be judging the state of the OP's marriage and the morality (!) of having another child. Sheesh. We're all different, folks.

Caro, if your DH is cool with providing a 'sample' - and that's easier for him than sex - go for it. There are plenty of people who do it that way for various reasons. Sure, your chances might be slightly lower than if you were able to have sex instead but you can still get pregnant that way.

[ann_of_loxley]

My husband has a low sex drive too - though not quite to the extent that yours does - and I have spoken to many women whose husbands/partners are the same way. A lot of men have less desire for sex than the stereotype of men implies, but we don't hear about it because many of them are embarrassed. Like my DH says, you always hear jokes about women who don't want to have sex and that's considered normal yet when guys aren't as into it, people assume there's something wrong.

This as well for us! - Low sex drive does not mean that something is wrong with you! I don't know anyone got from low sex drive to a medical problem!!!
I have actually just recently posted about this a week ago. Both my DH and I have a low sex drive (we always have) and at the end of the day, we are also both tired. It is easier for him to masturbate (takes less energy! lol). Not to mention that TTC has been really stressful for us - So for now, we are leaving the syringe to making the baby and the actual sex to making love. I have talked about this in my blog which is in my sig - there is a link there that goes into how to do it as well It is deffinatly something that I will hope will work for us - at least it is less stressful for us! ...And I know it 'works', many of those in the 'queer parenting' section have done this to concieve a child!

My DS was conceived in one night - one night alone and I know this for a fact as it was the only night we had sex for months! lol...We have been trying for about 8 months now though - having sex often and around my most fertile days...and nothing. Then I have friends that tried for years with their first and figured it too so long they better start trying again soon and they concieved in one night! lol...What I am getting at is no one can predict how long it is going to take them to conceive. So I would not take any chances and put bets on that. I would think seriously about why you want the age gap that you do before just figuring that is the magic number (there are many 'age gap' debates threads on here you can do a search for to get a good mouth full about it all - from small to generations apart! lol) - Breastfeeding is something to seriously consider as well. Only something like 30% of woman maintain a milk supply during pregnancy. For me, and many on here, the breastfeeding relationship is not something one is willing to sacrafice just for another child - theres more to breastmilk than nutrition. Some feel a full 2 years of breastfeeding is enough and others feel a child should be allowed to self wean...Something for you to think about! Age gap is one of those things close to my heart (for many reasons!), it is one reason why we have waited as long as we have (DS is currently 3.5 now - many people consider this a 'large' age gap!) - Even if I would have known it would have taken this long (and more ahead it looks like) to concieve another child - I do not think I would have taken the chance and started trying much sooner just to make up for the time...you never know and then its too late.

[Stevi]

caro113... Sheesh!!! Some of the responses you got weren't too cool, I'm sorry.

I tried Artificial Insemination for a couple years, after extensive research. From what I learned, self insemination with fresh sperm is equal to intercourse. I was single and using an ex as a donor. Sadly, it did not work for me, but he was over 50 and (unknown to either of us) had health problems.

I wish you all the best, it sounds like you have a wonderful little family and I hope you are able to grow it as large as you wish, by any means that works.

[caro113]

Thank you for the responses. I do appreciate the concern. But the more I think about it, I think the roots are deeper than that. After Woodland, I realized that the low sex drive may be related to similar problems, as his father was/is a very cold-hearted man, hence why we have cut all ties with him. On top of that, he lost his first love (they were engaged, already picked out the wedding rings and everything) along with their 7month in-utero daughter nearly four years ago (my stepdaughter, Whren). So I'm thinking that has something to do with it. I also realized that it wasn't until he moved in with me that we started having sex less often. He did live an hour away, but he switched jobs and was closer to me so we decided to save the money and move in together. The problem? We were within walking distance of his father, which was not cool. So I think that has something to do with it, too.
(Maybe it is a bit stupid, but I refuse to let my life, to let his life, to let our life together, be ruled and dominated by an illness. We don't know if it's ever going to grow. We don't know if it's ever going to be a problem. We just don't know. And I don't want to sit around and worry about that and then in 20 years be upset because we never had anymore children or something like that. I can't be controlled by something like that. And he doesn't want to be either. He doesn't even drink because of that reason.)
I wanted to try the self-insemination because it's free and we don't really have the money to spend on treatments. I mean, really, who has $20K to spend on that stuff? We want to buy a house, another car, send me back to school, move his sister and her daughter here. That's more important than spending money on something we could do for free.
And ANN OF LOXLEY!!! It is YOU from whom I got this idea. I knew it was from someone on this forum. I saw something else you wrote and I looked at your son and he just adorable. Then I checked out your other link and that's how I found out about this self-insemination deal. So thank you for replying. I knew there was someone I owed this idea to I just couldn't find the thread. I told DP about your story and he seemed to like that I found someone in the same spot .. minus the head thing I would love to know how that works out for you.
I'm not going to try now. I'm just not. Many women can breast feed through pregnancy, and I hope to be one of those women, but I'm not going to find out now. I have other things to do right now, like get up to Wisconsin to see my sisters (well, DP's sisters, but I'm an only child so they're my sisters .. actually only one is his sister, the other is his sister in law, but yeah) and get pictures of our girls together (5mo, 12mo, 14mo), getting back here to make scrapbooks for both of them for Mothers' Day, moving my sister with the 12mo here, making all kids in the family quilts for Christmas, working on quilts for Quilts For Kids, working on THREE separate scrapbooks for my DD. I just have too much right now to TTC at the moment, but I also want to make sure I research this a lot before doing it, so that's why I'm starting now. OH yeah, I also have to make a birth quilt once I get pregnant and I don't have time to fit that in too

[llamalluv]

Originally Posted by WoodlandFairytale

I guess all of this isn't so much for the OP's benefit but for others who have responded, since some seem to be judging the state of the OP's marriage and the morality (!) of having another child. Sheesh. We're all different, folks.

I wasn't judging her morality. I was pointing out that my priority would be the health of the family I already have. A brain tumor and a sudden and complete lack of sex drive points to either severe depression or a drastic personality change due to the brain tumor. I would deal with the brain tumor before making more babies with a turkey baster.

[KBL7]

My husband has antisperm antibodies and they do not go anywhere. Anyway, while I was searching around for possible options I came across 'at home IUI' kits. I was pleasantly surprised, especially since infertility is such a big business and completely unaffordable without insurance. I understand there are many things that effect sperm outside of the body, so I thought this kit would be helpful in not messing anything up. We have not tried it, so I could not give you any kind of review.
Here is one site that offers the kits, as well as other things:
http://www.zdlinc.biz/productcart/pc/home.asp


Another thought, while you are trying to consider your options;
There are many different (and natural) ways to deal with a low/non-existent sex drive. You are on the right track to find out what may be blocking it for him. However, if you are both interested, there are herbs and such that may make a difference for him. Most men increase the frequency of intimacy when stressed because it gives them control and escape, but there are men who completely freeze up in that department when stress comes (and he certainly does have a lot of it right now). He is also probably stressed that he is not meeting your needs and unable to TTC. Which would just add to the already big distraction, so that's why I said if you are both interested.

May the Lord lead you in the path that is right for your family at this time.

[Kellyh_01]

I've done inseminations as a surrogate. It really is quite easy. You can use a syringe or Instead cups, which is what we did. Put the semen in the Instead cup, insert it and go to bed. Take out in the morning. We got pregnant our first cycle. I was charting my cycles and used opk's. We did 2 insems 48 hours apart and it worked for us. Good luck