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child sexuality/abuse? - Page 6

post #101 of 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by tgrlilly View Post
I know - it is scarry - they are my partners parents.
I am working as fast as I can to get day care for my son. I have discussed my inlaws watching him with the authorities involved and my therapist and for now it is the best I can do.

I acknowledge and respect your concern - and am entereing this with my eyes open . That said I am doing the absolute best that I can.
oh mama!!! huge hugs to you.

'm sending you daycare vibes right now. if it's any consolation, even if your in-laws were abusive it seems like now is the last time they'd do anything because of the scrutiny.
post #102 of 416
lets just put it this way, if your child isn't around watching sexual things; so doesn't even have the imagination to come up with these things; never sees it on tv; than it has to be true.

Please, don't become one of these mothers who takes husband's side over their own childs.

If he was 1 or 2 and said something like that, would you believe him then? I'm not upset at you but what do you think you're suppose to do? Do you really want to be with your husband as make love to him; knowing he may have done these things to your child? You're going to have to leave him, call the cops, get your child help!
My children always come first to their father (my fiance) no matter what! Same thing to him, they come first before me.
post #103 of 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by tgrlilly View Post

Thinking about being a single mom with an infant is so overwhelming! But doing my best to be a good mom.
Hugs to you. It is difficult but it can be done. I did it on my own, too (but without an older child). I hope that your family/friends are supportive and can help you out.

I would really recommend not putting the father's name on the birth certificate. Leaving it blank is acceptable and then only you have rights to your child.
post #104 of 416
Thread Starter 
I know ive put my self up for every type of support or criticism by posting here, but really Grrr..trueyou2 I have taken my son to a counselor knowing full well my former partner would be reported, (I made the appt. two days after he told me! and stayed home from work or took ds with me so he wouldn't be alone with dad). I have voluntarily agreed to zero contact with my sons father and he has been out of my home for weeks - removed by the police. I have had my son in for a forensic interview, given testimony, evidence and access to my home to the special victims unit detectives, sherrifs dept. and cps; I am now a single mother of one and four months pregnant working full time

What about my scenario suggests I am taking my partners side on this? That I haven't physically attacked him yet?

If you are not in this situation it is easy (apparently) to judge, but until you have your reality blown up and your family destroyed and your hopes for a better childhood for your children ended; and in todays economy where I really don't feel like I can quit my job or up and move or what? -

really your comments are not supportive at all and very unappreaciated. So please go back to your perfect world and leave me alone to pick up the pieces of my son's and my life. Honestly.
post #105 of 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by tgrlilly View Post
I know ive put my self up for every type of support or criticism by posting here, but really Grrr..trueyou2 I have taken my son to a counselor knowing full well my former partner would be reported, (I made the appt. two days after he told me! and stayed home from work or took ds with me so he wouldn't be alone with dad). I have voluntarily agreed to zero contact with my sons father and he has been out of my home for weeks - removed by the police. I have had my son in for a forensic interview, given testimony, evidence and access to my home to the special victims unit detectives, sherrifs dept. and cps; I am now a single mother of one and four months pregnant working full time

What about my scenario suggests I am taking my partners side on this? That I haven't physically attacked him yet?

If you are not in this situation it is easy (apparently) to judge, but until you have your reality blown up and your family destroyed and your hopes for a better childhood for your children ended; and in todays economy where I really don't feel like I can quit my job or up and move or what? -

really your comments are not supportive at all and very unappreaciated. So please go back to your perfect world and leave me alone to pick up the pieces of my son's and my life. Honestly.
I'm hoping she only read your OP, and wrote this being unaware of all the courageous and difficult steps you've taken. In terms of childcare, have you considered posting in your tribal area section here on MDC? Perhaps another mama knows of some local resources? Hope all is well, you're doing the right thing, and I can't imagine how you're holding up. I hope you don't have morning sickness! In terms of single parent status - you can do it. Come on over to the single parent forum to read and ask for support if you'd like.
post #106 of 416
http://www.newmexicokids.org/#.pages.childcare. that's to find chilcare in NM. Also, ask CPS about help paying for childcare. You may not even need to qualify by income in your current situation.
post #107 of 416
Sorry mama. Please hang in there. A good rule for mdc is to take what you like and leave the rest. It's clear to me that you have your ds's best interests at heart and are doing everything you can. :
post #108 of 416
I couldn't read and not post. You're doing a great job mama, this must be so terribly hard. I'm sorry you're going through this. Your son will always be thankful for you believing him. You're my hero.
post #109 of 416
Oh mama, you are working so hard at protecting you son! I am so sorry that your life is upside down right now and that you are dealing with all this fall out while in the vunerable state of pregnancy. I wanted to offer two suggestions that may or may not work for you.... one is call your local Head Start (federally funded preschool) you generaly have to income qualify but there are other ways that ppl can qualify. Ask to speak with a family adovocatew and explain you situation, it may be that you son is eligable to attend headstar free. two is to call New Mexico Kids Child Care Resource & Referral

(505) 277 7900. ther really are great childcare providers out there and you may be able to find one who can work with you untill you are "on your feet" it can't hurt to ask.

Is cps doing any thing to help you find or pay for child care?

Again mama you are doing great. I know your overwhelmed. just keep putting one foot in front of the other you are doing it. your son is so very lucky to have you on his side.

nak
post #110 of 416
just sending extra s ...sorry for the completely inappropriate and uncalled for criticism. You shouldn't have to go through any of this, it's not fair in the least.

There will be brighter days ahead, try and focus on that future.

There's got to be some MDC'ers in your area that could help out another mother. I hope someone steps forward to lend a hand.

extra s for that pregnant belly too!
post #111 of 416
tgrlilly, you're doing great! Don't let people who haven't read the whole thread derail you!
post #112 of 416
Oh, mama. I'm so sorry you and your son have to put up with this. I hope it is getting easier for you and your son, or at least that it will soon. Hang in there, you're all in my thoughts.
post #113 of 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by ToastyToes View Post
I'm hoping she only read your OP, and wrote this being unaware of all the courageous and difficult steps you've taken. In terms of childcare, have you considered posting in your tribal area section here on MDC? Perhaps another mama knows of some local resources? Hope all is well, you're doing the right thing, and I can't imagine how you're holding up. I hope you don't have morning sickness! In terms of single parent status - you can do it. Come on over to the single parent forum to read and ask for support if you'd like.
I'm thinking she only read the OP, too. Everyone who has been following the thread knows how incredibly courageous you've been. Kudos to you.

I'm sorry this is so very hard, and second TT's advice about the tribal section.



hang in there and keep us updated.
post #114 of 416
also i have never tried it but i have heard of care.com it is a child care site that offers child care background ckecks and refrences for you for free i believe. I have only seen it on tv shows before.
post #115 of 416
I just wanted to add more s and tell you that you are doing what's best for your son. And again I'm so sorry.
post #116 of 416
Thread Starter 
Thank you all!!

I'm losing it over here in computer land! misplaced anger at fellow mothering.com-er.

last night my son told me "his words have power" and "its true mom" - all what he's telling me.
I know I am doing the right thing and living up to my potential to be a good mother. and i believe in my son's ability to heal from this.

Why does everything have to be so stinkin hard sometimes?

Blessings on each of you for your support.
post #117 of 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fairy4tmama View Post
Again mama you are doing great. I know your overwhelmed. just keep putting one foot in front of the other you are doing it. your son is so very lucky to have you on his side.
post #118 of 416
He does have a very good chance of healing and that's because of you mama! I can only imagine how much it means to him that his mama believes him and will protect him no matter what.
post #119 of 416
Yeah sorry about what I had wrote, I just went off of the first response to your question and not reading the whole entire post until this morning. It wasn't appropriate in the sense of being too late!

I am glad though, that you have stayed strong for your child and you have done the right things for yourself and your child.

It will always sadden me to see children treated and hurt like this.

So once again, I do apologize for not reading through the whole entire post before posting my thoughts and feelings on the matter!
post #120 of 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by tgrlilly View Post
I know ive put my self up for every type of support or criticism by posting here, but really Grrr..trueyou2 I have taken my son to a counselor knowing full well my former partner would be reported, (I made the appt. two days after he told me! and stayed home from work or took ds with me so he wouldn't be alone with dad). I have voluntarily agreed to zero contact with my sons father and he has been out of my home for weeks - removed by the police. I have had my son in for a forensic interview, given testimony, evidence and access to my home to the special victims unit detectives, sherrifs dept. and cps; I am now a single mother of one and four months pregnant working full time

What about my scenario suggests I am taking my partners side on this? That I haven't physically attacked him yet?

If you are not in this situation it is easy (apparently) to judge, but until you have your reality blown up and your family destroyed and your hopes for a better childhood for your children ended; and in todays economy where I really don't feel like I can quit my job or up and move or what? -

really your comments are not supportive at all and very unappreaciated. So please go back to your perfect world and leave me alone to pick up the pieces of my son's and my life. Honestly.

I didn't read the whole entire 4 pages of posts other members and your updates, I just responded to your first question. Plus, I know what you're going through; my fiance died while I was still pregnant with my 1st son 8 months pregnant. So all my dreams of a family and the life he promised was doomed, plus, I was abused as well; when I was 4 years old; told my mom when I was about 18 for the first time (27 now). Now, had I wrote what I wrote the first time you started this thread it would have been appropriate, since, you asked for advice but it's my fault like I've said for not reading all the pages of this thread; I just read the one and that was the first one.

And it turns out after I read all the updating that you aren't that mother at all which, is a great thing, because, believe me there are mothers like that.


So, I am greatly sorry for not reading this entire thread "first" before writing my comment/advice.
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