child sexuality/abuse? - Page 9

[homewithtwinsmama]

my best friend in college was molested starting at this age and up until age 12. She told no one until she told me in college. The part you said about more details coming out is so true of her. At first it was one incident at age four but over time she realized she had been blocking out the incidents that occurred every single holiday when they would visit her grandparents house. I finally read the whole thread and you are doing great so far. It makes me cry to think of you having to go through this with pregnancy hormones and dream proclivities. I am glad you have therapy ongoing too. I know its early, but you probably should see if you can find a doula or good friend who can be your birth partner since you will likely need it. Plus it would be good to have someone who can just help you focus on that part of your life sometimes and not all this mess.

I was appalled to see you ILs are in your home and MIL is being emotionally abusive with her frosty attitude. Can't you get them to leave now? You don't deserve this abuse from her and your son doesn't need to be made to feel guilty.

I had an abusive (not sexually, but still abuse) father. Its hard because as a kid you know he did bad things but you still want him. I am glad your son has you and has therapy to help him understand its okay to want his dad even though he was hurt by him. Its hard to hold those two thoughts as a child. Sending prayers for angels to come into your life to be your community and protectors in the future!

[Kirsten]

What an awful, awful thing for you and your ds to go through... I'm so sorry. I'm glad you believed him and acted quickly. I'm glad you found childcare other than your ILs; I don't know how they could be unbiased given the situation. It sounds like you are putting one foot in front of the other, and getting by as best you can. Please continue to reach out for support here and IRL. Let people you care about hold you up now.

Do you have parents/siblings/aunts and uncles/grandparents/neighbors/dear friends who can help you? A team of supportive people will help tremendously.

This thread reminds me of a conversation my dp and I had before we had kids. That if one of our children ever said one of us had done anything like that, that parent would go to a hotel or friend's house that very day - and stay until it was figured out. I really feel I know that he would never abuse a child, and made that clear - but that kids had to be believed.

OP, I am thinking positive thoughts for you and your ds.

[whitneymum]

s s s s
You are a brave and strong mama who is doing such a wonderful job of making your son feel safe and protected.
There will be brighter days You have made sure of that for your little man.
Hang in there mama, like PP said, keep finding good support for all of you.

s

[tgrlilly]

wow. the ils finally left! that was so intense both ds and i are ready to just be here with the two of us.

thank goodness they were leaving today or I would have had to ask them to go - last night in the night I just really got fed up & started to get really mad at them.

yesterday I found this book they "accidentally" left in my car about false child abuse charges and how to fight back against them- boy that got me mad.

and then yesterday afternoon fil told me (passed along the message) that my ex-partner still had his parental rights and to not move or anything that would not respect those rights. (I am seriously thinking of relocating to where my family lives - as permitted by dist. atty etc.) Im going to need a lot of help & support when this baby comes. Boy the - good advise about not putting father's name on the new baby's birth certificate will certainly be followed!

Today (well, probably tomorrow) I will wise up and get ex-partner off checking account - he withdrew money to pay rent where he is living now!! can you believe the nerve? I'm paying all mutual bills (credit card, etc.); care of our son; daycare, house, car, what I can to my midwife - and he thinks I should be paying his rent too - the ils said he is "saving for a car" so he cant use the $ from his part time job to support him self. I remided the ils that parental rights come with responsibilities as well.

They finally left after me putting them up for a month where they had my car way more than I did; dirty looks, whispering in their room- no thank you barely a goodbye to me. They did watch my son, but I really only needed that help for the first week to two weeks until I found daycare. not to mention the worry in the back of my mind about how did my ex-partener get all messed up?

Oh well - just me venting !! But it was really tough where they made it quite clear they support thier son so I don't know what they think my son and I are up to - just a couple of liars I guess...what a nightmare.

Oh well, ds said he wanted to stay home today so we are and will just lay low and I cant wait to clean my house and just get ready for the first day of daycare tomorrow.

If there was one thing I really wish I could go back and re-do is when I knew I was truly unhappy in this relationship (at last 2 years ago) I wish I would have had the guts to just leave. So much of this heartache could have been avoided. I stayed because I thought it would be best for my son to have 2 parents, etc. But I guess quality does trump quantity - at least in this case.

Happy Easter ya'all!

[lotusdebi]

Thinking of you both. Glad the ILs are gone. Sorry they gave you so many problems!

[LavenderMae]

I'm so glad your ILs are gone. You did the best you could, please be kind to yourself. Many more healing vibes to you and your son.

[mysticmomma]

I'm so glad they are gone! Know that we think of you daily.

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by JustVanessa

Believe your kid!

I agree.

[Fairy4tmama]

tgrlilly you are so brave I just can't say it enough!

Originally Posted by tgrlilly

yesterday I found this book they "accidentally" left in my car about false child abuse charges and how to fight back against them- boy that got me mad.
!

:Puke un believable maybe you should accidently send them a book on coping/denile when your son is a dangerous sexual preditor! oh wait that would use up your valuable time and energy don't bother their so obviosly not worth it! uhhh but realy
I am glad you and your son have your space back. Be genle with yourselves! you and you son are in my thoughts!

[PlayaMama]

Originally Posted by Fairy4tmama

tgrlilly you are so brave I just can't say it enough!


:Puke un believable maybe you should accidently send them a book on coping/denile when your son is a dangerous sexual preditor! oh wait that would use up your valuable time and energy don't bother their so obviosly not worth it! uhhh but realy
I am glad you and your son have your space back. Be genle with yourselves! you and you son are in my thoughts!

this!!! EXACTLY!!! yuck, just yuck.

you are an amazing and strong mama and i feel so proud of you for doing what needed to be done. hang in there. it will get better.

[puddle]

tgrlilly - just thinking about you and your son today.


I hope things are going better now that you have the house to yourselves again.

[Leta]

Oh, yes, move home. Talk to the district atty, for sure, to keep your ducks in a row, but people move all the time where shared custody exists, and, given the state of affairs, I highly doubt any reasonable judge would prohibit you from moving since you need support with a little one and new baby.

This is going to sound weird, at least to me, since I am so very pro-choice, but if the legal system gives you a hard time, you may want to reach out to a reputable pro-life group- as in, you are in a situation where very many women would terminate a pregnancy, and, at least IMHO, you have shown great courage and fortitude in continuing with yours. A pro-life group helped a (pro-choice) friend of mine in a similar situation wherein the legal system was giving her crap about moving.

I'm so glad your ILs are gone. What a relief. Also glad you've found childcare.

Oh, go today and close your checking account, and then open a new one in your name only. You can't actually "take the ex's name" off of your account, but you can do this- and moreover, so can he. If he does make off with your money, you have no legal recourse, as all parties on a joint checking account have 100% rights to money in it. I used to work at a bank, and this happened all.the.time. Any homemade documents or verbal agreements are useless.

[forlovebaby]

Oh, Epiphany, I am also very sorry for you.

[tgrlilly]

oh mamas. im so needy over here. today i just wish i had someone to take care of me!

thursday i picked ds up from daycare and he was sitting on the floor with this horrid expression on his face then he ran into my arms sobbing hysterically - we went outside and talked and ds told me the "teacher" had called him a crybaby and that he belonged in the baby room.

I went & talked to the director about it and she was like no that couldn't happen so I asked the guy and he was like no I didn't call him a crybaby I said he was acting like a crybaby. (not a big difference in my book). well my ds was like I never want to go back there again & I support him - I mean if this is how they treat kids on their 2nd day - what about if he really has a bad day. the bummer is ds was kind of stoked about daycare and now he is totally against.

I called the director this morning & she basically defended the employee & said it was all taken care of and the report written and what more did I want - oh yeah and she said that maybe if I didn't coddle my son this wouldn't be such a big deal...so I decided it wasn't a good fit (to say the least - I was pissed)

so now I don't have care come monday morning. ahhh reality.

im such a bundle of confusion and nerves and sadness and anger and sorrow and guilt and since 5pm ive eaten more candy than 1 person ever should so now Im full of sugar too!

thank you for your support. it means a lot to be able to come here and talk and to receive advise & hugs.

all these doors closing really does feel like its time to move back where my family is - i just don't feel like i can face all this alone for much longer.

ds said something cute the other day. we were talking about how doing the right thing is hard sometimes and he said that we've done enought right things for a while and that we should just take a break!

[puddle]

OMG I can't believe they talked like that to and about your sweet little boy!
Eat all the candy you want. Your ds is right--you do both deserve a break.
I hope you can find a solution quickly--moving home sounds great if you can make it work.

[LavenderMae]

That's just awful. I am so pissed that he was talked to like that and that you were talked to like that, just ugh. I am so sorry more crap is being piled on you and I agree with your son you both need a break.
I am sending you so many positive vibes , I wish I could do something more to help you.

[PlayaMama]

ugh! mama i'm so sorry. is there anyone in finding your tribe that can help you? there must be some mamas in new mexico...

and acting like a crybaby?!?!? are you kidding me? what ua violations. i've got my fingers crossed that you will find a magical fairy godmama to help you out by monday

[MCR]

What a horrible situation you and your son are in. I didn't want to read and not send you a hug and tell you what a great mama you are being.
Here's hoping the DA will let you leave the area so you can go and be near to your family and get some support.

[ambylove]

I''ve been following your thread and I just want to say from your son's perspective, you are doing the right thing mama. Even though it may be hard, you are taking care of your son, keeping him safe, and loving him to no amounts. I really wish my mother did the same thing.

Even though it's hard right now, it will get easier. If you need anything, anything at all, even someone to rant to, just give me a PM.

[amandaleigh37]

A CRYBABY!?!? On his second day!? Give me a break. I think you did the right thing by pulling him out of there, though I'm sure that just makes things harder in some ways You are doing an amazing job of protecting your son, and he will remember all of this for the rest of his life. I can't imagine how stressful this all is, I wish I lived closer & could do something to help you. I really hope you get a break soon, can move by your family, or something...
Eat all the candy you want.