So glad to hear the great update! Hoping things will fall into place for a quick, easy move & transition for both of you.
post #201 of 416
4/28/09 at 11:33pm
it is so good to have my mom here. I got home from work and my son was sleeping! (I know he feels safe for him to rest). it was really great - he was so happy when he woke up and tonite. I am so grateful to my mom for coming here. It feels like she is rescuing us.
I spoke with the social worker today - said I'd heard throught the grapevine that ex was thinking of fighting me for custody. he said not to worry, there was no way that would happen, that he was facing serious charges, that the cyfd had determined the abuse allegation "substatiated" and that he would be more than happy to testify in any custody hearing, submit reports, etc. it is still hard for me to think of ex in trouble with the law, facing prison, but I was very relieved about the custody part.
I found out today that ds told some parents in our "community" about his abuse (after his dad was removed from home) they said ds told them that his dad rubbed his penis on his face and that he didn't like it - but because he didn't sound afraid or shamed they didn't take it seriously or whatever...that they are just trying to stay neutral and objective...I have to admit I replied with a pretty raw email - I don't want to burn bridges, but I did ask my god what would it take? and I did suggest some education on child abuse...
let it go..I've got to just let it go! what you all are saying about abusers & people in denial really makes sense to me - feels like the truth. after saturday I really realized (now to enact!) that letting these folks get to me will only negatively impact my son, myself & baby...
More good news - DA's office said I was free to move as long as I keep in touch and resolve any custody matters so that is very good news too. Now I just have to figure out the house and a job & I'm back in business!
thank you for all the hugs & positive support. It really means a lot! I just feel like you all are really at our side helping me to have courage on this roller coaster ride.
In other words, in hindsight, when everything is all written out and we know the truth, of course it's easy to see. But in reality, it wasn't. Even your intuition, the "gift" was strong-- but again, it is NORMAL to second guess it. Don't call yourself stupid-- you are not stupid at all. As soon as your DS gave you info that was a confirmation, you immediately acted on it. Look at all the people who your DS TOLD and did not act on it? That even now, are protecting a predator???
For so many reasons, I am so, so, so happy that you and your son are free now. You deserve so much peace and happiness!
I just wanted to say that the only thing on your list that might raise a red flag to me was the butt rubbing but I wouldn't have jumped to 'his dad must be molesting him' from that though. Many things on your list are typical (doesn't make them right) behaviour for many dads/men (and probably mothers/women too). One of my pet peeves is the way many play with little kids, like tickling passed the point of fun, not listening to stop or put me down etc.
I'm just trying to point out that I can understand why you tried so hard to ignore your intuition because many things you listed just aren't that uncommon and usually aren't a sign that someone is a predator (again doesn't make them okay).
I do understand where your guilt is coming from but you didn't do anything wrong and it is not your fault at all. You are proving above and beyond what a wonderful, loving and protective mom you are.