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child sexuality/abuse? - Page 17

post #321 of 416
I also just read your whole thread today -- congratulations on the birth of your daughter, and double congratulations on being such a strong woman throughout this whole ordeal. I hope you have a wonderful babymoon and that the legal issues you're still facing don't overwhelm you during a time you should be peacefully nesting in your safe home.
post #322 of 416
I just saw this for the first time (I'm not usually in this forum) but I had to respond. You are AMAZING and have come so far. May all that is just and good come to you and your children. May you know nothing but safety and peace for all of you. I'm sending you love.
post #323 of 416
Congratulations on the happy birth of your new baby. :
You are one wonderful Mama. Stay safe and happy with your children.
post #324 of 416
Holy. Cow. Tgrlilly...you. are. my. champion. No. Really. I can't even put sentences together properly. Wow.

I just read your entire thread and realized that I've read some of your other posts before, not knowing the horrid ordeal you'd been dealing with all this time. My god you're a strong woman.

Thank you for posting your thread and for your multiple updates. I kept reading and reading, hoping for a good resolution of your situation when I realized that you JUST had your daughter a few days ago. I do hope that you continue to update us all who are in awe of your strength and determination to keep your children safe from your X.

You've also given me food for thought with regards to my own daughter who's now 13 months old. Having been abused myself as a teenager, I want to make sure that, god forbid, should anything like that happen to her, that she could come to me, just as I was able to confide in my parents and have them believe me. Even their few minutes of disbelief still sting a decade later, but in the end, they pulled me right out of the situation I was in and did their best to help me heal.

Again, I am in awe of your strength in the face of this ordeal and wish you much deserved happiness.
post #325 of 416
I am sure you already know, but I wanted to add that I think you are such an incredible mother. Congratulations on your new baby -- she and her brother are so so lucky to have a mom like you.

Your actions now will positively affect you for the rest of your life. You are a bright star. :
post #326 of 416
OP!
post #327 of 416
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much!

It is so good to have baby here. It is not easy still isn't today rough day all this crap w x. its so hard to believe i even have to deal with him like he is an equal after what he did to my son and our family.

keep us / me in your thoughts and prayers..dealing with this legal stuff, thinking of when I have to go back to work, who will watch my kids, who can I trust..its so hard..

I guess its just new mama stuff but I need a hug today.

Thank you all for being here & for your great encouragement!
post #328 of 416
Big huge giant hug!!!
post #329 of 416
Many many s to you.
post #330 of 416
huge congrats to you!! i'm so happy to read your updates yay new little baby! my advice is to try to forget about work until you absolutely have to think about it, don't let it take away time with your new dd.

i'm thinking of you and your sweet children!
post #331 of 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by tgrlilly View Post
Thank you all so much!

It is so good to have baby here. It is not easy still isn't today rough day all this crap w x. its so hard to believe i even have to deal with him like he is an equal after what he did to my son and our family.

keep us / me in your thoughts and prayers..dealing with this legal stuff, thinking of when I have to go back to work, who will watch my kids, who can I trust..its so hard..

I guess its just new mama stuff but I need a hug today.

Thank you all for being here & for your great encouragement!


post #332 of 416
mama!

I haven't checked this thread in a while, many congratulations on the birth of your daughter!!!

And many, many hugs to you as you continue to work your way through this ordeal. Everything will fall into place-- work, caretakers, etc-- it will.
post #333 of 416
CONGRATS!!!! :
post #334 of 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by Think of Winter View Post
Tgrlily,
You were really brave to write that list.
You're doing great. Stay strong.
:

Thank you for doing that

Blessing to you :
post #335 of 416
Hang in there Mama, just one step at a time. You are doing an amazing job.
post #336 of 416
Wow mama, I just read this entire thread and you rock . Fight the good fight for your son and don't let the IL's scare you . What kind of world is this where people side with an abuser ?

Congrats on your new babe and kudos to your mom for the help she's giving to you. Please stay strong and update once in a while or vent if you need to.
post #337 of 416
Tigerlily,

I'm glad that you're blessed with all of the positive support that you've received from here. I experienced the similar situation as I found out that my dd was molested by her 11 years old cousin. My dd recently completed 12 weeks of group therapy with other girls in her age group and she has been doing really good. And I have been going to therapy too and it helps.

I know what it is like to be confused and angry. Sometimes I still cry and feel nervous when my dd is around new or strange people because I just don't want her to go through this all over again.

I'm glad to find this thread.
post #338 of 416
Tigerlily, I read through all the posts and had to respond.

First off, you ARE an amazing BRAVE mama and your son WILL remember this. I pray that you keep making the right decisions.

I want to relay a bit of my own story so that it might shed some light on the custody aspects of sex abuse and the mentality of a father who would sexually abuse his own children.

My father and mother were married almost 10 years when he started molesting me, my sister and my brother. My Mom was pregnant at the time with the 4th.

I was 7 at the time. First grade. Sis was 5, Bro was 3. None of us knew that he was also molesting all of us. We each thought we were the only ones. It went on for a year and a half.

This was in 1980. No Oprah or Dr. Phil. NO real support for victims of this kind of thing...

Anyway, when my Mom put it all together (she told me she walked in on him doing similar things to my brother that you described previously. She also heard me talking about it to my sister AND practically walked into it with me and my father at least once. ) she did exactly what you did. He was ordered out of the house, we were taken to a scary building where we had to make SCARY statements to people we didn't know and we were whisked away to a shelter in another city for 3 weeks. When we came back, I missed my dad but I was also glad that he was gone. Very much like the way you describe your son as reacting. Also, I felt DEEPLY GUILTY. GUILTY and DIRTY. I felt that I knew what we were doing was wrong and I did it anyway. And now everyone KNEW! I was so screwed up!! Back then, there was virtually no therapy involved for the victims!

I'm not sure if he originally denied it, but when it came to court HE WAS GRANTED SUPERVISED VISITATION despite the fact that he admitted most of the acts he committed against us. And the SUPERVISORS of this lovely visit? Why HIS PARENTS, of course. He was living in their basement.

Let me tell you about visitation. By the time it finally happened, I was really grasping that what my dad had done was REALLY BAD. I was terrified to see him. I didn't trust him anymore. The first visit, we were dropped off in a public park. We had a great time and I DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE HIM despite how terrified I was initially. I remember my Mom yelling at while I screamed to her in the car that I wanted to stay with him. "Why would would you want to stay with him after all of the things that he did to you?!" God, that was mortifying. She actually said it OUT LOUD in front of my brothers and sister. I cried silently the whole way home.

Then the "Supervised" visits at my grandmother's house began. When we would get there (we were dropped off, BTW, my mother did not come), my grandmother (his mother) would hang out with us for about 30 minutes. Then sometimes she'd leave or go upstairs. Then he'd take us down to the basement and basically try to get away with whatever he could under the guise of reading us a book in his lap... or whatever might look innocent if someone walked in. It wasn't innocent.

When we visited him, he would always tell us how much he loved us, how special we were to him, how it "hurt him so bad that we couldn't be together anymore" blah, blah, blah. Total mental manipulation. He would make us feel so guilty if we shied away. I cannot emphasize how STRESSFUL this was for me at that age. Every night, I would literally list mentally all of the things that I had to worry about the next day. I am sure that your son is STRESSED about it all, too in his little 4 year old way.

It got to the point that I refused to go to visitation anymore. I had a total freakout about it!!!!I finally got my point across and we never went again.

My point is: DO NOT GIVE ON THE CUSTODY ONE BIT. Once a pedophile, always a pedophile. He will use the time to molest your child, picking up right where he left off. He will not change. And you can bet his parents will volunteer to be the "supervisors" if visitation is suggested. They don't believe he did it and they'll probably go out of their way to give him some "alone time" with his son once you drop him off.

Also, pedophiles are masters at reading people and master liars. Also, master manipulators. When caught, they will deny it until the end. But more importantly, THEY ARE ADDICTED TO THEIR BEHAVIOR. They cannot stop themselves no matter how hard they try or want to. I truly believe this.

Also, in my case, my dad molested every little kid he could get his hands on. Mostly my friends and cousins. I'd be surprised if your ex didn't have other victims...

I am thinking about you and your children. And praying for that little boy. Pm me if you need perspective.
post #339 of 416
Hugs....
post #340 of 416
Thread Starter 
wow jessjoy. thank u for sharing your really intense experiences. it is so timely. im in these 1/wk sessions with my x to see if supervised visitation is "appropriate" etc. it is so intense to sit there with him while he goes on n on about his innocence and how hard life is for him blah blah.

thank you because your experiences just bolster my commitment to keeping this man away from my kids and to seek justice for my son. it looks like the DA may be moving forward. keep us in your thoughts and prayers please

jessjoy, i know u know this but i have to say it anyway it wasnt your fault that happened to you, and im really sorry you had to go through that.

vroomiemama - im so sorry for you and dd and i am glad you and your daughter are doing well. its strange having that extra layer of distrust or suspicion or whatever it is. i know the thought of someone trying something again is so scarry. i wish u all the best. thank you for sharing sometimes it can feel like you are the only one going through st like this. sadly we are not.

its so great to check in here and talk with you all and to receive all this positive energy it means a lot
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