child sexuality/abuse? - Page 18

[StarJune]

Originally Posted by JessJoy

Tigerlily, I read through all the posts and had to respond.

Thanks for sharing your story.

[GoBecGo]

Wow, tgrlily i've not been on MDC for a long time, but this was the firstthread i looked out when i popped in. I'm so happy for you having a peaceful time birthing your lovely girl.

I really hope the DA goes for a conviction for your son. Justice is such a useful tool for healing i feel. You sound very resolute over visitation, i'm sure your children will be kept safe by your attitude and strength.

You are IRON woman! I am astounded by your strength and resolution. You're quite quite wonderful, don't forget it!

Bec

[HoldensMama]

Tgrlilly, your strength through all of this is astounding. I think that your son will come out of this just fine in the end and that is totally due to your strength and love for him. I have so much respect and love for you and your son and I don't even know you. Good luck with everything and congrats on your baby girl.

[JessJoy]

Tigerlily and StarJune, I'm glad that my story meant something to you. I am struck by the similarity in Tigerlily's and my own story. Specifically, the fact that the molester started molesting after almost 10 years of being together with the mother of their child.

My own theory is that they were molested as a child by someone and never told anyone. THey probably developed pedophilic urges themselves, but swore never to act on it. ( I think this happens a lot to untreated male victims of sexual abuse) THen one day, the stress becomes too much and they give in. When I look back, I think that the stress of having another mouth to feed while realizing what a failure he was at supporting his family already may have been the main thing that caused the "sicko" dam to break with my own father. Or it could have been that one of us were approaching an age when he was molested and it triggered something in him. Not that this excuses him in ANY WAY. SHAPE OR FORM.

Also, I could be dead wrong about my theory, but when a man that you think you've known for 10 years does something like this, one tends to look for a reason...

Also, Tigerlily, be on the lookout for your son blaming you "for not protecting him" after he hits puberty, despite the fact that you are doing everything possible to protect him. Victims often blame the one who stays and excuse the one that is no longer in the picture simply because the one who stays is the one they relate to. You might get accused of not being there enough when he was four, or that you ignored what was so obvious (at least in his mind), etc, etc. I actually did this to my own mother when I was 23. But, now that I'm a Mom myself, I can see where she really had no idea what was going on for a while. If it's not on your radar, you won't see it even if it's practically staring you in the face. Unfortunately, once you've been a victim and later, a parent, you will always have trouble trusting people around your children. Even your own family members. It's pretty sad, but that's the reality...you tend to want to control every situation that your child is in because you try to unconsciously be the "protector" parent that you did not have. I often think, "better safe than sorry."

Stay strong, Tigerlily. BTW, weren't you on the Unassisted Childbirth Board in 2005 posting a lot? I think we both used to post there back then...

[Bokonon]

I just read through this whole thread and wanted to add my congratulations on your daughter and that I think you are an amazing woman and mom, and your kids are so lucky to have you!

[greenmom4]

Congrats on your daughter, I hope you are enjoying your babymoon!

I don't know where in NM you are (I'm thinking Albuquerque?) but I'm in Los Alamos. If you ever need a hand, I'd be more than happy to help.

This may be a post for a separate thread, but recently I've been shocked and horrified by the sheer amount of pedophilia that occurs (isn't it 1 out of 4 or 5 boys right now? And even more girls?) and I'm wondering *why*? I don't really believe that people can ever be "cured" of these urges, they can only control them and that kind of scares me, tbh. If we, as a society, don't understand why this is so prevalent, how can we prevent it from happening?

[bluefaery]

What an awful situation to be in. I hope that for your child's sake that guy will never see your son again. He needs to be behind bars. Big hugs to you!

[Marylizah]

**Bump**

Just thinking of you, tgrlilly, and wondering how things are going for your family.

[Super_mommy]

You MUST communicate with your husband on this matter even if he hates it.
Do not use confronting words while talking to him. If he has a weakness address & focus on that with external help.

You have to be strong & face the situation even if it costs your marriage.

[Juniperberry]

wow mama, you're an inspiration to us all!!

I've also just read your whole thread and it's had me crying, angry and smiling at the wonderful things you've done and situations you've overcome.

Yey for you and yey for your mum who sounds like the perfect mum as well.

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter! and that's great to hear your ds seems to be doing well at school.

Best of luck to you!!!

[calpurnia]

tgrlilly, i just read the whole thread & am in awe at your strength & wisdom. i hope that you, your boy & your new little girl are all doing well.

[puddle]

Just thinking about you and your family, tgrlilly. I hope things are going okay.

[Leta]

tgrlily, you are my hero. Seriously.

[PlayaMama]

i hope all is well for you and your littles! healing wishes headed your way.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Thinking of you and hoping you and your little guy had a nice holiday.

[tgrlilly]

hi! just checking in. we are all ok..still some downs but many more ups!
still waiting on DA to see what if anything happens, still working on all the other isseus.

DS and lil baby girl are both great.

thanks for all the encouragement..i feel some upheaval will be coming soon so keep us in your thoughts/prayers..

happy holidays!

[jul511riv]

blessings for healing for you and your babies this holiday season and every day. You are AMAZING!!!

[LavenderMae]

Thanks for updating. I still think of you and your children often.
I hope everything that needs to happen goes as smoothly as possible.

[APToddlerMama]

What an amazing mama you are! You and your children will definitely be in my thoughts. You truly are a strong and brave woman. You have gone through so much to keep your son safe.

[wytchywoman]

I just saw this thread for the first time tonight but wanted to offer my and support. Hang in there. it is tough but you are doing the right thing.