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child sexuality/abuse? - Page 20

post #381 of 416
5/10/10 at 9:42pm
Okay I'm all caught up! and I'm so glad everything is okay for you and your babies. Good job Mama!! you're very strong. I hope your children are as strong as you growing up as well. xo I'm so sorry this has happened to you though. What a shocking thing to discover; but you've pulled through so far and I hope you continue to do so!

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post #382 of 416
8/2/10 at 7:28pm
Thread Starter 

Update

Hello All,

Well for an updte, the DA has dropped the case against my kids dad, and it has me down. Any support you can send my way would be appreciated as I am low.

Any tips for a single mom of 2 on how to make friends or have some kind of life? The last time I went anywhere by myself was in April. I am sad and lonely and tired.
post #383 of 416
8/2/10 at 7:35pm
I'm so sorry mama. Can you appeal or complain to his supervisor? That's so disappointing. As far as a social life, mine has been pretty bleak as well. The only suggestion I can give is to find an activity you enjoy. I started irish dance lessons two years ago and they are a blast. Plus I've made some friends in the class and we do dinner or drinks every now and then too. What hobbies do you have? What activities do you enjoy? Start from there and see if there is a group in your area that does similar things. Meetup.com is a good place to go to for that kind of thing. (((((((HUGS))))))
post #384 of 416
8/2/10 at 8:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by tgrlilly View Post
Hello All,

Well for an updte, the DA has dropped the case against my kids dad, and it has me down. Any support you can send my way would be appreciated as I am low.

Any tips for a single mom of 2 on how to make friends or have some kind of life? The last time I went anywhere by myself was in April. I am sad and lonely and tired.
I am outraged to hear that! Really, it's completely beyond belief. I'm very, very sorry. I REALLY hope that this doesn't mean he has a shot at partial custody or visitation with your son.

I'm a married mom of 2 and I have no idea how to make friends or have a life. Sorry. It's really tough. Maybe look into joining a YMCA? They often offer a range of classes, and provide childcare.
post #385 of 416
8/3/10 at 4:11am
Can you appeal? Do they realize they are letting a horrible man out to hurt another child?

I'm so sorry.
post #386 of 416
8/3/10 at 5:08am
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Can you appeal? That is just not right.
post #387 of 416
8/3/10 at 6:33am
I'm so sorry, you've fought so long and so hard. Perhaps you can appeal?

I think getting out is the best way to begin making new friends. When DD1 was a year old i was single, pretty much friendless and sad. I began a craft group which i ran out of my house and invited acquaintances who i knew would be interested and even though the actual group only met a few times i have 3 fast friends i got to know better through that. I also went to a bunch of baby/toddler groups, and have one very good friend from a playgroup i still take my DD1 to (even though she's too big really!). If you pick something you feel passionate about doing, you'll enjoy doing it even if you don't make friends. You'll probably find with the "pressure" of "meeting people" off because you're focussed on enjoying the activity, friendships will naturally develop.

Massive hugs to you Mama, you've been through a TON, it's definitely time for you to do something for yourself. Sending you lots of loving vibes. xxx
post #388 of 416
8/3/10 at 12:01pm
That's horrifying! I don't understand how they can just let him go...


As far as the friends thing, do you have any local AP groups or LLL meetings or anything? That was the easiest way for me to find friends that I could connect with, and kids were always welcome at the meetings which was the only way I could go.
post #389 of 416
8/4/10 at 1:05am
I am so sorry. I don't see how they can take this step. Our criminal justice system is more criminal than just I often think. It's so sad that he'll be free to perpetrate this sort of crime again without a past record. I am deeply sad for you and your children.
post #390 of 416
8/4/10 at 3:11am
Oh no!!! I'm so sorry to hear that . I can't even imagine. Your children are so lucky to have you
post #391 of 416
8/4/10 at 5:36am
OMG

mama come over to the single parenting forum.

figure out all your support and anyone you can go to.

you have to be stronger than ever.

i am sure he is going to ask for unsupervised visits. and perhaps even joint custody.

in the meanwhile do all you have to legally to see what else you can do.

be safe mama. and strong and hold your chin up.

the friends i have found - the true friends - have all appeared at my times of need. i didnt have to go looking for them.
post #392 of 416
8/4/10 at 3:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by tgrlilly View Post
Hello All,

Well for an updte, the DA has dropped the case against my kids dad, and it has me down. Any support you can send my way would be appreciated as I am low.

Any tips for a single mom of 2 on how to make friends or have some kind of life? The last time I went anywhere by myself was in April. I am sad and lonely and tired.
No tips, as I'm not good at making friends myself.

I just wanted to say that your two are roughly the same age as my two youngest...and it breaks my heart that your little boy has been through so much. But, I'm more impressed than ever at how well you've stood your ground. You rock, mama. I can't say what I'm thinking about your ex, except that he turns my stomach, even from here. It makes me so angry that you have to deal with him at all.

mama. Your kids are so very lucky to have you as a mom. And, I don't understand the culture of the cover-up, either...although I think some of it is simply a complete lack of willingness to comprehend that one's own child/grandchild is going/has been through something so awful, combined with an unwillingness to accept that one's child/partner/whatever could actually do that. It's much easier to believe that it's just a child making things up for attention.
post #393 of 416
8/5/10 at 2:47pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks you all!
Well nothing to do but keep on!
Yes, you all are right ! It sucks! boggles the mind!

And yes, when supervised visitation starts - THIS WEEK! I will be the one here to pick up the pieces and deal with how my DS tries to cope with and make sense of this situation.

So I'm going to need a lot of patience, love and strength!

Thanks for all the hugs! I need em!!
post #394 of 416
8/5/10 at 3:25pm
What the hell! He gets visitation?
Thank God your DS has you to come home to.
At least he'll know he always has one person looking our for him.
Is he still in therapy? Is there anything his therapist can do?
Please come vent anytime you need to.
post #395 of 416
8/5/10 at 7:40pm
you are absolutely amazing
post #396 of 416
8/5/10 at 8:25pm
I am so saddened to read your update. My heart hurts for you and your son. You've done everything you should have and more. The system has failed you and your children. And it makes me mad as hell. I am so sorry.

You and your children are still in my thoughts and I'm hoping the DA pulls his/her head out of his/her @$$ and does what is right.
post #397 of 416
8/5/10 at 11:43pm
Can you sue him in civil court? (A lot of times things that can't be "proven" in criminal court are taken to civil court. Any sort of judgment against him would help you in the custody arena.)
post #398 of 416
8/6/10 at 3:55am
I'm so sorry to see this update. I can't believe that the justice system has failed you so badly.
post #399 of 416
8/6/10 at 8:37am
I can't believe it either, I am so, so sorry

How about going to church (or another spiritual group with people of similar beliefs) to make friends? I've been going to my church for a couple of years and they're like my family now.

I'll be keeping you in prayer, I'm sorry things have turned out this way after everything you've been through.
post #400 of 416
8/6/10 at 8:59am
Quote:
Originally Posted by tgrlilly View Post
So this big horriable ball is set in motion. The counselor/psycatrist I took my son to called the police and cps (cyfd). The police have been here walking all around my home most of the evening and while my partner was not arrested he is not to have any contact with us or come home until "deemed appropriate". And if he does come home or call I am supposed to call the police on him. I have no idea where he will sleep tonite.

Forensic sargent will be coming to talk with my son tomorrow and then we also will talk with cps investegators and then I guess a determination will be made.

This afternoon I remembered we have a friend who is a counselor - I probably should have gone to her before a stranger, but somehow it seemed if it was just a thing my partner's privacy would be more intact with a stranger...

I hope I have done the right thing. When we were talking I kept trying to get him to talk about what he thought we should do, but never felt like I got an answer. My partner said I knew this would happen when I went to the counselor and I suppose I did - I know they have a legal/ethical responsiblility to report if they have reason to. It feels so horrid to have the police and state in my family.

Mamas, I really hope I have done the right thing - if not I have probably ruined my partner's life, definately ruined a 9 year relationship all from a need to "do something". That said I know I have to believe and try to help my son. But did I do the right thing?

Could he be making it up? He is extremely smart and precocious?

I have taken the week off of work and now need to find child care in a city where I have no family and only some casual friends.

Anyone who can send me love and peace right now would be greatly appreciated.

While I know parents out there are going through harder times, this is pretty bad - from being afraid for my son, from not trusting my partner, from my partner knowing I don't completely trust him, to dealing with the police and government. I feel extremely alone, sad and scared and doubting myself.
I did not read the whole thing, but you did the right thing. Good for you. It must have been incredibly hard to accept.

I am SO SORRY that they dropped the case. Where are you (general)? Can we help you find a pro-bono lawyer or firm to help take this case and perhaps get a restraining order? Maybe you can go about it another way.

This is so sad. You are in my thoughts.