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child sexuality/abuse? - Page 5

post #81 of 416
My DD was molested at 3.5 by someone we know. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Not going to sugar coat it. We had to do a forensic exam, an interview and then we got her in play therapy for a year. I went through therapy too. You need a place where you can get pissed and let it all out, without your son around. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and I was worried about the stress affecting my baby. Please take care of yourself.

Your son loves you. He condfided in you and he trusted you to save him. The best thing that you could do for him is to believe him and get help, which you did.

Another thing that you might want to check on: tell the school or child care provider that NOBODY is allowed to pick him up other than you. Please be careful during the investigation.
post #82 of 416
i am going to repost what an amazing mama replied in a similar thread in another forum here. i dont want to steal her words so i hope its ok for me to post her reply coz i couldnt think of anything better to say.

by reporting your partner this is what you did:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love that your daughter will forever know...

1. she can tell you anything
2. you will listen and take her seriously
3. you will do whatever you can to help her when things are too big to handle on her own
4. you love her deeply

This is a beautiful gift to give a young child. I am so happy someone is investigating.

I wish you all peace and truth while this takes place.


------------------ from the mouth of our very own MsChatALot -------------

so i ask you mama. did you do the right thing?
post #83 of 416
I hope and pray your son will be able not be afraid to tell the truth as he knows it. I don't want it to be true for all your sakes, but no matter what comes of it, you did the right thing.

Something caused him to say that, and young children just don't make explicit statements like that out of the blue. It came from somewhere. It had to be investigated. No question about that.

I'm sorry that all this had to happen at all, but you will never regret seeking help.
post #84 of 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by liss_420 View Post
i came back to this thread to add a story of my mom who did listen. i had a friend whose dad was (i think) molesting her, and was always rubbing my and her back in a way that i didn't think was right (i was 5 at the time). it was any time i was over there and we would be coloring or playing in her room and he'd come in and just be creepy. one day i went to her house to see if she could play and her dad answered the door in just a towel, and he kept talking to me after saying his dd wasn't home. then he got an erection and he exposed himself to me and asked me to come in the house. i ran home and told my mom. my mom called the cops and i guess the cops notified the military people (we lived on base at the time). i don't know what happened to my friend's dad, but he wasn't at her house anymore. my friend came to my house after the incident and told me they took her dad away and she wasn't sad about it. i feel like my mom saved my friend from more abuse, and maybe even saved me from being abused too.
Thank you so much for sharing that.
post #85 of 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raene View Post
Thanks for the hugs
You are very welcome...wish I could take it away for you.
post #86 of 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katwoman View Post
You are very brave and very strong! I am keeping you and your son in my thoughts.

While I don't have a story about my Mom believing/non believing me I do have a story. I was abused by my stepdad between the time I was almost 3 until I was 5/6. I never told my Mom, but because of what happened I come to think of older men during things like that as "normal". So when a friend of the family started touching me inappropriately when I was 11, I thought it was normal and never said anything. I had a very rough time when I was a teenager because of my skewed perception of what was normal/allowed/something to be tolerated.

Years of therapy later ..... here I am.

Thank you for showing your son that it's not normal and that you are here to believe him and protect him. It's a gift that will keep on giving to him for a long long time.
I'm so sorry Katwoman
post #87 of 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by onlygirls View Post
My DD was molested at 3.5 by someone we know. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Not going to sugar coat it. We had to do a forensic exam, an interview and then we got her in play therapy for a year. I went through therapy too. You need a place where you can get pissed and let it all out, without your son around. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and I was worried about the stress affecting my baby. Please take care of yourself.

Your son loves you. He condfided in you and he trusted you to save him. The best thing that you could do for him is to believe him and get help, which you did.

Another thing that you might want to check on: tell the school or child care provider that NOBODY is allowed to pick him up other than you. Please be careful during the investigation.
So sorry this happened to your DD But glad to know you are also a wonderful mommy who helped her.
post #88 of 416
OP, how are you doing? We are here for you.
post #89 of 416
I just saw this thread & wanted to chime in with some for you, OP. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this was for you, but instead of doing the easy thing & ignoring this terrible thing, you faced it and did what your son needed you to do. You are a wonderful mother. I hope that you are getting support you need through all of this. Your son will never forget the fact that you believed him and protected him. I will be thinking about you... please keep us updated.
post #90 of 416
just read this, i hope you are holding up mama!! my ds would never say anything like that and he's pretty imaginative. hugs for you and him!
post #91 of 416
Thread Starter 
Hello. We are holding up alright. My son is doing well and for the first time last week he was able to say he didn't want his dad to come home for a while. So I think he is feeling like he can talk more about this. In his statement he said again what he said in the first place and showed on a doll where he was touched.

His dad still denies it - the detective relayed some of their conversation to me. I believe my son, I don't want to think his dad would ever do this, but clearly something has happend and I want my son to feel safe and be safe and to heal from this.

My in-laws came from out of town to stay with us for a month and to watch my son until I can find daycare, etc. They are being supportive. Today is my first day back to work and is scarry to not be with my son.

DS asked me last week or something "how can you protect me when you aren't with me?" heartbreaking.

This is a hard time, but I am seeing someone to help me through this and to help give me stratigies to help my son with his acting out - aggression, regressive behaviour, and when he talks about this stuff.

The case is under investigation & has been turned over the the district atty. I hope my son's dad will get some help.

Thinking about being a single mom with an infant is so overwhelming! But doing my best to be a good mom.
post #92 of 416
Thank you so much for the update!
post #93 of 416
post #94 of 416
can you get any kind of compassionate leave until you find more neutral childcare? i don't want to break your heart further, and forgive me if i've mixed up, but if your in laws are his parents then i'd be on guard against that for a number of reasons, including
they may have abused him in the past/ covered up abuse in the home
they may grant access to their son to see your son
i know cases where everything is pushed out the window because the wrong people got access to the child and messed with their head.

sorry if i've misunderstood, but maybe you could get advice from the support workers you have. they must be able to help with alternative childcare.

it's not normally 'out of the blue' that an offender abuses. there is often family history, and i know you've worked so hard to get to this point, the last thing you need to feel is another hurdle but you do want to be thorough in cutting out the possibility of this creeping up on your son again
post #95 of 416
Thanks for updating.
post #96 of 416
Thread Starter 
I know - it is scarry - they are my partners parents.
I am working as fast as I can to get day care for my son. I have discussed my inlaws watching him with the authorities involved and my therapist and for now it is the best I can do.

I acknowledge and respect your concern - and am entereing this with my eyes open . That said I am doing the absolute best that I can.
post #97 of 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raene View Post

Please trust your child. Children usually do not have a reason to lie about such things.
I agree with this- your child needs for you to trust them

.... and I'm so sorry
post #98 of 416
Thank you for the update. It's good to hear that things are progressing in a positive way. Still thinking about you.
post #99 of 416
Tgrlilly, I think you're doing a great job of handling this and believing your son, but please don't let your in-laws care for your son.

That doesn't sound safe for the child because the parents might be abusers themselves or they might allow your partner to come see your son.
post #100 of 416
::
Hang in there, mama.

I too am concerned about your in laws caring for your ds. It seems that they could be as potentially harmful to him as your dp. Sending prayers that you can find a safe solution. This must be so hard.
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