Some insight please, new to Montessori

[saysumthing]

My son (will be 3 this weekend) just started Montessori last week.

We had been planning on having him start in September, but the opportunity arose to start him now, and it seemed like a wise decision. We had toured/visited 4 local Montessoris and fell in love with this one. This is the only open entry school of those we visited. So if we had chosen another school he would have had a September start date. This school also gave us the option of waiting until September.

I had been feeling very confident in our decision to start him now, as he was seeming bored at home and in need of a little more structure and much better learning materials. I have a very active 11-month old who is requiring a lot of attention at home.

Each day when I drop him off he is upset and cries (I know this is normal for his age and situation). He is fine within a few minutes (not more than 5) of me leaving. He's happy and obviously had a great day each time I pick him up. He tells me how much he likes school and the kids and the teachers.

This morning he told me he didn't want to go to school. He just wanted to "rest." But he went along with getting ready to go to school. He helped me prepare his lunch. He picked his clothes and got dressed. He climbed into the car, etc. It had actually been the "easiest" morning so far. He even did much better with the dropoff than the previous 4 days, however, instead of a loud "Mommy don't leave" big show of an outburst he kind of gave me a pathetic "I don't want to stay. Please take me home" goodbye. It broke my heart. I did call the office to check on him about an hour later and they said he was doing just fine, but now I'm second guessing our decision to start him now, rather than waiting the few months until September. He just seemed so defeated today. Almost like we broke his spirit.

I'm going to pick him up now, and I am hopeful that today was a great day, but I'd sure appreciate any insight into the situation.

Thanks.

[snowmom5]

A week is a short time for such a young kiddo. Give him more time to adjust to (a) the separation and (b) the new daily schedule. Honestly, it sounds like he's doing remarkably well and the transition is going very smoothly!

[saysumthing]

Here's the update: So, he was in a great mood when I picked him up. Ready to go home, but still obviously had a good day. His teacher spoke with me and said this was the easiest morning so far.

So, I'm thinking that maybe I read too much into how it went today.

[BCFD]

We still have mornings like this and DD1 is in her 2nd year of Children's House (she turned 4 in Nov.) I was going to say that maybe he was just tired, getting sick, or he really did just want to stay home that day. I always remind her that Sat. and Sun. are "stay at home days" (her term for the weekend ) and she gets so excited about going to school and looking forward to the weekend.

I wouldn't worry too much. Glad to hear he did ok!

[junipermuse]

I think in a lot of cases children are just really ambivalent about being away from home and parents for the first time. They really do enjoy the new friends and experiences, but they also love their mothers and their toys at home. I think its hard for children to deal with those mixed feelings. As adults we can be very rational about it. "I'm going to do this fun activity that requires me to be away from my comfy couch and my family, and when it's done I get to go back home again." But often children have trouble putting aside their longing for home until they have completely transitioned into the new activity, so that is why their are tears at the goodbye even though he is having so much fun at school. I know that transitioning is hard for my 2 year old daughter. She loves to go out a run errands or go to the park or library storytime, but she'll fight getting dressed or heading out the door because she is wrapped up in what she is doing at home. Children are in the now and its hard for them to see that sometimes we have to move through something less fun or pleasant (getting dressed, saying goodbye to mommy) to eventually come to something that is more fun or interesting (an outing, school, etc.) As school becomes more of a routine though it will get easier. He will eventually become more confident that school is a place where he is loved and appreciated and a place where he has fun.

[GuildJenn]

Hey lots of days I don't really want to go to work or even places I enjoy. It's okay for kids to have those feelings. It's only if it's all the time or every day or your radar really goes off that you need to worry.

That's actually one reason we chose Montessori - because there is choice about what you do in your day and it respects natural "up times" and "down times", if that makes sense?

[saysumthing]

Originally Posted by junipermuse

I think in a lot of cases children are just really ambivalent about being away from home and parents for the first time. They really do enjoy the new friends and experiences, but they also love their mothers and their toys at home. I think its hard for children to deal with those mixed feelings. As adults we can be very rational about it. "I'm going to do this fun activity that requires me to be away from my comfy couch and my family, and when it's done I get to go back home again." But often children have trouble putting aside their longing for home until they have completely transitioned into the new activity, so that is why their are tears at the goodbye even though he is having so much fun at school. I know that transitioning is hard for my 2 year old daughter. She loves to go out a run errands or go to the park or library storytime, but she'll fight getting dressed or heading out the door because she is wrapped up in what she is doing at home. Children are in the now and its hard for them to see that sometimes we have to move through something less fun or pleasant (getting dressed, saying goodbye to mommy) to eventually come to something that is more fun or interesting (an outing, school, etc.) As school becomes more of a routine though it will get easier. He will eventually become more confident that school is a place where he is loved and appreciated and a place where he has fun.

I think this is the perspective I needed. Its right on. He likes school. And he likes home. He doesn't *not* want to go to school. He just wants both.

The OP was from Wednesday. Yesterday was better and today was completely tear free. In fact, he was almost dismissive to me.\

THanks for all the help. We are really loving Montessori and are already seeing some of the things he's learning.

[MattBronsil]

Originally Posted by saysumthing

I think this is the perspective I needed. Its right on. He likes school. And he likes home. He doesn't *not* want to go to school. He just wants both.

The OP was from Wednesday. Yesterday was better and today was completely tear free. In fact, he was almost dismissive to me.\

THanks for all the help. We are really loving Montessori and are already seeing some of the things he's learning.

That's great to hear I think there's always concern when a child has a hard time adjusting. Parents often have a good sense that a school is good, but it's hard to tell if things will work out and whether what you saw the first day when you first looked at the school was actually a good representation of the school itself.

It is hard to tell whether a child is just having trouble separating and getting into a routine or whether a child is really having problems at the school. I'm wondering if parents who have been through both situations can give some insight into how they read their children's behavior to figure out whether they should stay with a school or run.