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On sleeping through the night... - Page 2

post #21 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185 View Post
The AAP recommends it????
Yep. Sad, isn't it? No wonder so many parents are doing it.
post #22 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by samanthaspagirl View Post
Since I'm new here, let me start out by saying that I'm still b/fing DS & I'm a SAHM...DS is SO happy & pleasant ALL day long...I can take him everywhere with me & almost never have to worry about a scene! The TV is never on (except to watch Sesame St) & we play, read, explore & I chase after him all day! He is never neglected, yet his sleep pattern is worse than ever.

I feed DS 1 hr before bed & our routine is at 7:30, bed 8pm...he nurses to sleep & I put him down in his crib...for awhile, he was sleeping till around 4am, but this past month he wakes between 9pm & 12am...I nurse him for comfort, but usually after a 11 or 12am waking, he won't go back down, so I bring him to bed w/ me. Also this past month, he won't nurse to sleep in bed...he scratches at my face, pulls my hair, kicks me or starts screaming...some nights he's wide awake staring at DH & I....I've tried every piece of advice from friends & drs, so since I'm a new mag subscriber, now I'm looking here!!!
You might want to post this in a new thread in order to get a better response.
post #23 of 67
I think some form of CIO is the norm. I had no idea when I got pregnant that there was another option. Of course, that's when I found my midwife and started reading Mothering so me and my husband decided to use AP methods and not CIO. But, all of my friends used a form of CIO. I don't knwo if there babies sleep through the night, but there is no question that they let their babies cry. They all thought I was crazy while they raved about their newfound love of Babywise.
post #24 of 67
My parents did CIO with me and my sister. I don't think I really cried that much actually and I was a good sleeper but I never expected motherly comforting during the night. I need to point out that I have a great mother she just believed what she was told - that cosleeping would make me a spoiled monster.

When I was 6 years old I started being terrified of sleep. I remember this clearly. I could barely tell time but I knew what the clock looked like at bedtime and I can still feel the dread. I got up repeatedly and woke my parents. They put me back in bed. They even spanked me (once again, it was the 70s my parents are not horrible). When I woke them up again and again despite all this they knew I wasn't being "bad." My mom actually called CPS about it (imagine a time when you could do that?). They sent me to a neurologist and a psychiatrist. No one could find anything wrong with me. It kept getting worse. My dad started sleeping on the floor beside my bed because they were SO afraid of cosleeping. My whole family was breaking down from this.

One morning my mom woke up and realized I hadn't awakened them all night. I wasn't in my bed. I was sleeping peacefully in my younger sisters bed. I stayed there until I was 13 when I weaned on my own.

When I hear talk shows say that a 7 year old is "manipulating" their parents and being brats I want to cry. I can feel the REAL distress of a kid that can't sleep. I NEEDED nighttime comforting. I needed to cosleep. I got that with my sister luckily or I don't know what would have happened.

My question has always been if I had coslept as a baby would I have ever had this late on-set problem? I honestly still have trouble sleeping alone and I'm 33.

CIO might work but at what cost?

Sorry for the ramble just wanted to share my story.
post #25 of 67
wow...I can honestly say that my 1 year old son has never cried for more than 2 minutes before I went to him....in his whole life. We have never, ever done anyform of CIO-not even close and he will sleep from 7-2:30am in his crib, wakes-fusses (he is still in our room) and then he comes into bed with me to co-sleep until 7:30am. The longest he has cried was however long it took me to brush my teeth and pee
I read the 'no cry sleep solution' and it made me cry to see what CIO does to a little ones body and brain...
post #26 of 67
Paige C - it's interesting what you write about your experience as a child. It was similar for us, my parents just followed Dr Spock, it was there in black and white - use CIO.

And I should add, my Mum is the best Mum in the world, truly. We have a wonderful relationship and she has been very supportive of my decision to co-sleep with DD. She just didn't know with us.

We also regressed due to night-time fears, for me I was around 5 years old I became really scared and knew I could not wake my parents. I used to lie in bed sweating from heat and fear, the blankets wrapped right up to my neck so the 'monsters' couldn't reach me.

In the end my brother and I slept with my Mum for years and then slept in the same room together till we were teenagers too.

This kind of regression is really common in older kids who don't co-sleep - ref: Deborah Jackson "Three in a Bed".
post #27 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlicesMama View Post
We also regressed due to night-time fears, for me I was around 5 years old I became really scared and knew I could not wake my parents. I used to lie in bed sweating from heat and fear, the blankets wrapped right up to my neck so the 'monsters' couldn't reach me.
I did the same thing! None of us ever coslept, and I never did CIO, but I was night-weaned abruptly at 9 months old (she held me while I cried myself to sleep with no milkies).

My younger brother STTN early on, on his own, but as a young child up until he was 11-12 would sneak into my parents room and get in bed (on my mom's side, my dad would have sent him back to bed) with them.

I would much rather have a sweet tiny baby sleeping with me than a 12 year old!


On another note, my BIL makes all 4 of his kids CIO (ages 5,4,2, 9 mo) and all but the 5 yo have terrible sleeping issues. They even did the go in and spank with the 4 yo at one point. I think now they just let them cry from X time to X time and don't worry about it....
post #28 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by JavaJunkie View Post
I never told people(strangers or acquaintances) that my kids weren't sleeping through the night. If anyone asked "Is he/she sleeping through the night?" I'd usually just say yes and move on.
This is a good point. I always tell people that DD is sleeping fine at night when they ask. And she is in my opinion. A baby that sleeps from 11pm until 9am or later every night waking only briefly to nurse 2-3 times a night, without needing anything other than the breast to fall immediately back to sleep IS sleeping extremely well. If they ask follow up questions the person may find out exactly what I mean when I say that DD is a good sleeper. But most don't so I guess they have been assuming that she sleeps all night without eating since she was less than a month old. :
post #29 of 67
Odd both my children have always sttn..both starting at 3 months sleeping from 7p-6am with no cio. It was just an understood thing..when its dark you sleep when its light you wake. both my babies were big babies at 3months weighing 15 pounds so they didnt eat at night ..they slept in their own rooms with fans on and never had a problem, they slept terrible with us. we tried. but they wanted their own sleep spaces lol. occasionally they would wake when hungry for a small snack or teething or thirsty or bad dreams but they always went right back to sleep within 10 mins of comfort. Mama says:you sleep at night, you wake in the day. Thats the rule in our house lol and i guess they didnt argue it.
post #30 of 67
I have never used CIO and have bedshared and bf'ed on demand with all five of my children. They have *all* STTN from 4 weeks on. What this means... dd4 is currently 12 weeks old. She sleeps from around 7 at night till around 7 in the morning with one wake for a change and a meal at sometime between 3-5. During the rest of the night she might fuss for the breast but doesn't wake up - doesn't open her eyes or anything, just moving around looking for me.

Personally, I don't expect more from my children than I do from myself. I wake to use the bathroom, get a drink, find my husband to curl up with, etc... I expect that my children will do the same. But as far as the up for two or three hours at a time or whatever, it has never been an issue for us.

I asked my aunt and mom yesterday, and bedsharing is the norm for my family, and they both said the same thing, although they ff'ed. Maybe it is just a genetic thing.
post #31 of 67
People will go to great lengths to make their kids sleep through the night. CIO is very very common. I even knew someone who gave her baby Benedryl every single night to make him sleep. I wouldn't do that. So my dd didn't sleep through the night till she was 2. But now I have a little baby who is already sleeping 5 hour stretches at just over a month of age. So there are some who will do it on their own, but I think it's rare. Ask the parents to give you advice on this - don't tell them about this conversation, just say you've talked to parents whose babies didn't sleep through the night until 3 or whatever, and you're wondering how they kept that from happening. I can guess what you'll hear.
post #32 of 67
well let's see, my first never slept through the night until he was over 2. for the first couple months he was in a cradle in our room, then a crib in his room. up at least every 3 hours, bf. I was at that time trying to resist co-sleeping because I'd been told it was wrong. he had solids "early" at 5 mos (at that time reco from Dr. was 4-6 mos), it didn't help. at 17 mos I "gave up", put him on a mattress on his floor where I nursed him to sleep, and then in the night he would come to our room and stay there. at about 2.5 he was sleeping better on his own (nursed at night but would fall asleep after), then I night weaned him, which turned into full weaning (probably due to no milk, I was pg). at 4.5 now, he wakes most nights -- he starts his night in his room, DH stays with him until he's asleep, and if he wakes up, he joins us and immediately goes back to sleep.

so no, in our case it had/has little to do with whether we co-sleep or not, or bf or not.

with DS2, he was sleeping 5-7 hour stretches at a month or so old. that didn't last. at 16 mos he is currently up every 2 hours most nights. also bf, also no difference once on solids after 6 mos. I *wanted* to co-sleep with him but he wouldn't actually sleep, and again, it made no difference if he was in our room or not. at the moment, I nurse him to sleep and then put him in his crib, when he wakes I either join him in his room on the mattress there, or he comes into our bed.

I know way more babies and toddlers that woke in the night past 9-10 mos then I know that sleep 8 hours. doesn't matter if bf or not, co-sleeping or not.

so, I think yes, lots do CIO (fortunately most people I know closely do not), or they lie -- as others have said, I stopped telling people or complaining that my 1st wasn't sleeping, so they wouldn't offer advice. so they probably assumed he was STTN. (and yes, my doctor also told me to do CIO at 6 mos, I have no idea if the CPS recommends it, but I ignored her because it seemed wrong to me)
post #33 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by ihugtrees View Post
Is this a co-sleeping thing? Is it a breastfeeding thing? Is it not giving solids until later? Or has every single child I've ever babysat or nannied for had to CIO night after night until they learned to just sleep 8 hours?

I'm probubly going to get bashed for this...

but...

The thing that I think its most related to is not teaching your baby to fall asleep on their own. I know atleast for me, I was so afraid of going outside the boundry of "ap" that I never tried anything except holding/wearing/nursing/bouncing to sleep! As soon as I taught dd to fall asleep on her own (which is 100% possible w/o cio) she started sleeping better! It is true that when they go to sleep with some sort of "prop" when they wake up they need it to fall asleep again.

I think a lot of nightwakings are purely habit. For the most part we "ap" 'ers don't try to help our babies fall back asleep w/o booby. And therefore! WE teach our babies to sleep like they do. They do what they know. And when the only thing they know is being nursed back to sleep of course thats all they'll do and do it often.

I know LOTS of babies who aren't CIO'd or scheduled that sttn. Their parents just help them learn other ways to fall asleep w/o nursing ect. And that doesn't make them bad parents, or not "ap" anymore. Teaching your baby to fall asleep alone isn't the worst thing in the world, in fact its not bad at all. I think because lots of people do it by cio'ing so we tend shy away from it (atleast for me) but there are other ways. And they aren't bad

thats all...:

oh ps I'm not at all saying babies don't need comfort ect. I'm talking about the toddlers that the OP refered to
post #34 of 67
[QUOTE=Danielle13;

I know LOTS of babies who aren't CIO'd or scheduled that sttn. Their parents just help them learn other ways to fall asleep w/o nursing ect. And that doesn't make them bad parents, or not "ap" anymore. Teaching your baby to fall asleep alone isn't the worst thing in the world, in fact its not bad at all. I think because lots of people do it by cio'ing so we tend shy away from it (atleast for me) but there are other ways. And they aren't bad

thats all...:
[/QUOTE]

This is us...both my kids sttn and have never had to CIO. I guess I am lucky!
post #35 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Danielle13 View Post
I'm probubly going to get bashed for this...

but...

The thing that I think its most related to is not teaching your baby to fall asleep on their own. I know atleast for me, I was so afraid of going outside the boundry of "ap" that I never tried anything except holding/wearing/nursing/bouncing to sleep! As soon as I taught dd to fall asleep on her own (which is 100% possible w/o cio) she started sleeping better! It is true that when they go to sleep with some sort of "prop" when they wake up they need it to fall asleep again.

I think a lot of nightwakings are purely habit. For the most part we "ap" 'ers don't try to help our babies fall back asleep w/o booby. And therefore! WE teach our babies to sleep like they do. They do what they know. And when the only thing they know is being nursed back to sleep of course thats all they'll do and do it often.

I know LOTS of babies who aren't CIO'd or scheduled that sttn. Their parents just help them learn other ways to fall asleep w/o nursing ect. And that doesn't make them bad parents, or not "ap" anymore. Teaching your baby to fall asleep alone isn't the worst thing in the world, in fact its not bad at all. I think because lots of people do it by cio'ing so we tend shy away from it (atleast for me) but there are other ways. And they aren't bad

thats all...:

oh ps I'm not at all saying babies don't need comfort ect. I'm talking about the toddlers that the OP refered to

there are some babies that can be easily "taught" to sttn early I'm sure. But there are also some that can. not. sleep. on. their. own. no matter how hard you try to 'teach' them. i think a lot of sttn has to do with the baby's temperment and not with how we parent.
post #36 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pyrodjm View Post
This is a good point. I always tell people that DD is sleeping fine at night when they ask. And she is in my opinion. A baby that sleeps from 11pm until 9am or later every night waking only briefly to nurse 2-3 times a night, without needing anything other than the breast to fall immediately back to sleep IS sleeping extremely well. If they ask follow up questions the person may find out exactly what I mean when I say that DD is a good sleeper. But most don't so I guess they have been assuming that she sleeps all night without eating since she was less than a month old. :
Me too.
post #37 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185 View Post
there are some babies that can be easily "taught" to sttn early I'm sure. But there are also some that can. not. sleep. on. their. own. no matter how hard you try to 'teach' them. i think a lot of sttn has to do with the baby's temperment and not with how we parent.
ITA. I'm trying hard to not be offended by the tone of this thread. Really hard.

Many parents have a little one that resists sleep and/or wakes frequently, despite their best efforts to provide falling asleep/staying asleep alternatives. I appreciate it when others at least acknowledge that if their toddlers are sleeping well they may be:
1) lucky!
2) lucky!!
3) did I mention LUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all.
post #38 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by ihugtrees View Post
but IRL, I've never met anyone who's child didn't sleep 8 hours a night by the time they were 8 or 10 months old...most were sleeping through the night by 5 or 6 months.
They're lying
post #39 of 67
DD #1 slept through the night by 7 weeks old. She woke up to eat once and went back down. Now at nearly 3, she wakes up 3-4 times a month for about 5 minutes if she has bad dreams. DH goes in her room, offers her a drink of water, and sits with her. If she is really upset, he rocks her or sings to her. She knows she can be heard on the monitor, so she calls for one of us.
She hasnt every cried it out as a baby and as a defiant toddler she has complained for 20 minutes 1 or 2 times when she was over tired. She coslept until she was 22 months old and was bottle fed. In thinking about it, she did sleep much better when I moved her out of our room. Starting at about 16 months -she was waking up periodically in the night to play with me or for a bottle. Only when I was home. I am away from time to time at night and she never woke up when I wasn't home. When she moved into her own room (literally across hall not far at all) she slept through the night consistently.

DD#2 also sleeps through the night. If is she is having a bad night -she must sleep ON me. She likes to make a pool of snot and drool on my boobs and sleep in her self created wet spot. She wakes up once in the night to eat. Also bottle fed. Never ever cried it out. Occasionally fusses it out -her choice. Put her in bed, she likes to scream for about 60 seconds (yep I timed it) and then she pops her thumb in her mouth and goes out. When she does the fuss it out, if you try to soothe her during that time -she gets MORE upset. But has never cried it out.


I dont think its a boob thing. My boobs dont work so we have donor milk in bottles. So the breastmilk is just as quickly digested whether it is from the tap or fresh frozen.

My kids are "scheduled" to some degree because I WOHM. I have really solid routines that are 95% child led that work well for my kids and for our family. By that I mean, Violet likes to watch 20 minutes of tv, have a snack, brush her teeth and have me sing 2 songs to her before bed. I do all of the things she likes/needs but I do it at a time that I need to (for us it starts at 7:45 which gets her to bed around 8:30).

Ophie, the baby, likes to play until the last second and have her bottle a certain way. I do all of the things she likes/needs but also on a time frame that works for everyone.

The routines dont change unless there is a reason. I think the structure we have in place is part of the reason my girls are good sleepers. We started with routines from day one.

Our family isnt overly crunchy or super AP - but we dont cry it out.

Our girls never had baby cereal. We started solids post 6 months (mostly to stretch donor milk).

I dont know. I know I run into more moms than not that their babies dont sleep well. I never know why and I always feel guilty :P
post #40 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleMonkey View Post
ITA. I'm trying hard to not be offended by the tone of this thread. Really hard.

Many parents have a little one that resists sleep and/or wakes frequently, despite their best efforts to provide falling asleep/staying asleep alternatives. I appreciate it when others at least acknowledge that if their toddlers are sleeping well they may be:
1) lucky!
2) lucky!!
3) did I mention LUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all.
I was speaking from my experience only DD used to wake between 15 and 75x a night (maybe 100 ...no exageration). I started thinking that something was wrong with her...It turned out that *I* taught her to sleep that way, and as soon as I changed what I was doing, things looked up...But she still wakes 4-10x a night. I've met many moms who are like me, and were afraid to help their children learn to fall asleep on their own because they were AP and didn't want to be "kicked out of the club" so to speak.

anyways, I think that is a big reason lots of kids wake so frequently. Because they need what put them to sleep to put them back to sleep. And I didn't say I taught her to sttn, I taught her to fall asleep w/o nursing/rocking. Basically laying down by herself. its all jmo though.
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