Would you send your child to 4K?

[adoremybabe]

I am posting thing thread in hopes of getting some sound advice. I have come to value the opinions of parents here at MDC and this has been a very hard decision for our family.


When 4K began to take hold in our area my immediate thought was, no way will I send my 4 year old to school! I am able to stay at home with my children and do not feel the need to ship my kids off a year early just to get some free time with them. (DH and I have friends with this mindset.)

Next Fall DS will be 4. DH and I truely feel like some sort of structure and peer interaction would be really good for him. 4K is offered at no extra cost in our district. We have attended both the 3 year old screening and the 4K Open House. DS loved both of them.

Another piece of useful info is that DS has always been more attatched. I don't hover over him but he is always more comfortable when I am around. As of late, he has been the same way with DH. I can only imagine how he'll be in the beginning of the school year especially since we are rural and he'd be riding the bus. I just can't imagine him getting on the bus and I would never force him to do so. I would be willing to take him myself but it will be difficult because I am due with a new babe mid August.

Our biggest concern is the amount of time that he'd be in school. All together he would be away from home 5 hours/day and 4 days/week. When I can pretty much guess that 4K is mostly for learning social skills and other things along that line I think that 20 hours a week is a bit much.

I have started to think about preschool because their week hours are shorter but, we do not have very much available to us in our area.

Any advice on how to go about making our decision will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks, Celia

[CarrieMF]

I'd find out if 4K is really learning social skills or if it's more a pre-K where they are learning what they'll be learning in K anyhow.

If it's social skills you can probably find a playschool that is non-academic based, no it won't be free but it won't be 20 hours a week either.

If it was my kids, no they wouldn't go to 4K.

[ChinaDoll]

We have our son in a half-day preschool program, and socially it has been a GREAT fit for him. I do regret not researching their curriculum philosophy more, though. They're placing WAY more emphasis on academics than I prefer, causing my son a great deal of stress, and we're considering pulling him out due to irreconcilable differences over these ideas. As long as you are comfortable with their philosophies and expectations, though, it can be a fun experience for them.

[williamsmommy2002]

I don't think I would send my 4 year old. I don't think he is ready this year and it would cause too much stress. He is quite attached also. Now I will be sending him to kindergarten next year a little over a month after his 5th birthday. I think other kids might be ready though.

[fadedgirl]

If I could do it all over again, I would not put my child into anything longer than 2.5-3 hours per day, 2-3 times per week.

If the # of hours doesn't bother you, I would definitely be wary of any academics being done. You cannot always trust what you are told about the classroom environment. Not that you will face intentional dishonesty, but folks have some pretty varying opinions on what constitutes "play-centered" and as to what "no academic pressure" means. We learned this the hard way, at DD's extreme expense.

Tough decision! The fact is, your DS will not be harmed by NOT going. So if you have any reservations whatsoever about the program, I'd not take the risk. My DD did have two other awesome experiences, so if its good and done right, it can be terrific for them.

How many kids will be in the classroom with your DS? IMO that also makes all the difference in the world at this age.

[alegna]

If my kids were going into a school setting I would absolutely use a pre-K of some sort.

-Angela

[pampered_mom]

Originally Posted by alegna

I my kids were going into a school setting I would absolutely use a pre-K of some sort.

: Twenty some years ago you could have easily gotten away with sending your child straight to Kindergarten and it would have been just fine. Today, like it or not, Kindergarten has become very academically focused and if 4K is being offered and your child did not participate it is entirely possible they could end up "behind" - at least in the eyes of the teacher once they arrive in Kindergarten.

[adoremybabe]

Originally Posted by pampered_mom

: Twenty some years ago you could have easily gotten away with sending your child straight to Kindergarten and it would have been just fine. Today, like it or not, Kindergarten has become very academically focused and if 4K is being offered and your child did not participate it is entirely possible they could end up "behind" - at least in the eyes of the teacher once they arrive in Kindergarten.

That is exactly what worries me. I am starting to wonder if we should just go ahead and let him start 4K and see how he does. It makes me so sad to know that kids are expected to grow up so fast nowadays. I have started looking at preschools as an alternative.

[fadedgirl]

Originally Posted by pampered_mom

: Twenty some years ago you could have easily gotten away with sending your child straight to Kindergarten and it would have been just fine. Today, like it or not, Kindergarten has become very academically focused and if 4K is being offered and your child did not participate it is entirely possible they could end up "behind" - at least in the eyes of the teacher once they arrive in Kindergarten.

Not all kindergartens are "very academically focused". It is probably something the OP should find out...whether the kindy in her area is or is not.

[fadedgirl]

Even if the kindy in OP's area is more academically focused, that doesn't mean her DS needs to attend K4. It may even be the best reason for him not to...another year at home at this tender age can go a long way toward a child's confidence and security and therefore, his ability to handle such academic pressure in K.

I'm not saying she shouldn't send her DS to K4, I'm just trying to bring up another view point.

[Cujobunny]

I am in Canada, so here we call it JK (Junior Kindergarten). I am sending my son starting in September, he'll be 4 on Tuesday. I think he will love it, however, it's a 2.5 hr/day program, 5 days/wk. It's also only a 10 minute walk from our house and I SAH.

If he doesn't love it, I have no problem pulling him out and waiting a year. But why not give it a shot?

As an alternative, how about a weekly, or twice weekly program - we take ds to Kindergym, which is run by our city's parks and rec dept. It's an hour long, has lots of peer interaction, and some structure - the instructors lead them on exercises and physical activity. The parents don't take part, just sit on the sidelines and watch.

[annethcz]

Originally Posted by pampered_mom

: Twenty some years ago you could have easily gotten away with sending your child straight to Kindergarten and it would have been just fine. Today, like it or not, Kindergarten has become very academically focused and if 4K is being offered and your child did not participate it is entirely possible they could end up "behind" - at least in the eyes of the teacher once they arrive in Kindergarten.

I disagree. This really does vary from school to school. My kids' school does not have an academically focused kindergarden program.

I also think that the child's personality and disposition is an important factor. My DD1 didn't attend preschool, and had zero problems adjusting to full-day kindergarden. She's always been ahead of the curve, despite her lack of preschool.

I think that my DD2, who currently attends a 3.5 hr/ 3 days a week preschool program, would have enjoyed a K4 program. Although I don't think early academics are good for the majority of children, they have been appropriate for MY children.

It's about what works for YOUR child.

[williamsmommy2002]

Originally Posted by fadedgirl

Even if the kindy in OP's area is more academically focused, that doesn't mean her DS needs to attend K4. It may even be the best reason for him not to...another year at home at this tender age can go a long way toward a child's confidence and security and therefore, his ability to handle such academic pressure in K.

I'm not saying she shouldn't send her DS to K4, I'm just trying to bring up another view point.

I totally agree with this. My ds academically was ready to start k this year right after he turned 4. He does have some issues that he needs to work on. He has gained so much confidence and trust in the past 6 months that I don't think he could have gone farther. We are working on the other small things he needs and i'm not too worried about him starting school with no preschool.

[meemee]

would you be able to take him out without any problems if it isnt working for him?

has your son been away from you and dad for a length of time? even say an hour or two?

what are some of the things he loves doing at home? say playdough or messy activity. would 4K provide that?

is your son v. social? looooves the company of other kids? or even adults?

does he need help with shoes or jackets?

he would start 4K right when or soon after your baby is born? hmmm....

my dd was in a completely play based ps/dc where she loved it for a certain time and then she missed me. they had wonderful art projects of many kinds and lots and lots of science experiments as well as sensory experiences. the school unofficial motto was 'we are not bootcamp for K'.

going to ps/dc spoilt the school experience for my dd. she thought school would be the same as ps/dc where the teacher was a lot of fun cracking jokes all the time. big chunks of outside time and lots of hands on fun activity like dropping a painted ball on teh slide which is covered with butcher paper and see what happens.

.

[adoremybabe]

Originally Posted by meemee

would you be able to take him out without any problems if it isnt working for him?

has your son been away from you and dad for a length of time? even say an hour or two?

what are some of the things he loves doing at home? say playdough or messy activity. would 4K provide that?

is your son v. social? looooves the company of other kids? or even adults?

does he need help with shoes or jackets?

he would start 4K right when or soon after your baby is born? hmmm....

.

I believe that there wouldn't be any issues taking him out if it wasn't working for him.

DH and I go out occasionally so yes he is away from us at times but we always have family ake care of the kids.

He does at least one art activity each day, he has a very vivid imagination and uses it almost constantly, he loves being read to, puzzles etc. I will make a call to see if 4K is more play centered or more academically centered. He already meets and passes the acedemic expectations of 4K students.

Since I stay at home and we live in the country we don't have a ton of oppertunities to get out and meet new kids or adults. Many times if we are in a public place DS will not talk to unknown people but, I don't see that as a bad thing. He interacts splendidly with family and close friends. When we went to the 4K Open House it took him around 90 minutes before he decided that it was okay to talk to the teachers.

He can put his shoes and jacket on without help but, we are still working on going to the bathroom by himself.

I due mid August, my last baby was 16 days late, so that could really put a damper on the start of school if that were to happen again. I figure that we'll just cross that bridge if we come to it.

[meemee]

darn!!! i should have clarified. those questions really were for you to gain more clarity if you want to send him or not.

from the way you have replied it seems your mind kinda has been made up.

if you are indeed going to send him - let him be with others for a while. take off more for transition. seriously transition is so important. slowly!!! rather at your child's pace.

for all you know he might just love 4K!!!!

[lilyka]

My dd would have loved preK. she loves everything about kindergarten. the teacher
(and honestly if I could hang out with Mrs J every day i would too), the "girl squad" and all the fin stuff they do. it sounds like the hours are good too. not too long and not every day. Can you pull him out if it is not working for your family? if so and you think he would like it you might as well try it.

[sunnmama]

For me, it would depend on the child. I don't believe there is a general *need* for children in a learning-rich home environment to attend 4k, but some dc will like/love it, and some families can really use the childcare.

Originally Posted by pampered_mom

: Twenty some years ago you could have easily gotten away with sending your child straight to Kindergarten and it would have been just fine. Today, like it or not, Kindergarten has become very academically focused and if 4K is being offered and your child did not participate it is entirely possible they could end up "behind" - at least in the eyes of the teacher once they arrive in Kindergarten.

IME, kids mature a lot between 4 and 5 (or 6). I really don't believe it is necessary for most kids to attend a preschool program to integrate smoothly into K. If they are "behind" in something the others learned when they were in a 4 year old program, they will likely catch up *very* quickly at 5.

[fadedgirl]

Barring the fact that OP lives in some kind of socialist/communist community, of course she could remove DS any time she wanted to. This doesn't mean that yanking DS out of a program that proves to be deleterious would spare the DS from the negative impacts of being in said program. Also, both the entering of a program and the removal from a program are stressful to a child even under the best of circumstances. So while its true that she could take DS out if she decides to, its definitely not a "no harm done to the child" option and shouldn't be considered flippantly. Its *a lot* for a little kid to enter to school, initiate friends and deal with the dynamics of a group, interact with a teacher and the school in and of itself, deal with the separation from mom, family, home, security. And then if just withdrawn suddenly a few weeks or months into it...its very hard on a child.

Also, this sounds like a public school, and I'll be surprised if its entire reason for existing (being created with public funds) wasn't to get a "head start" on the NCLB test statistics. So I'd expect it to be entirely academically oriented in its mission, but wrapped in the sweet facade of a playful environment. Definitely needs investigating.

It sounds as if you are considering this from more of a social perspective. From what you've said, your DS is absolutely fine. He will be more than fine next year when he starts K without having done 4K. If you really want him to start having "friend" experiences, start driving into town and hitting some parks. You will meet other moms and kids and before you know it, he'll have a friend or two that you can schedule play dates with. That is more than enough "social time" for a child this age.

On another note, I'd also be very careful with the correlation your DS may draw from his having to "go away" to school every day and the arrival of a new child. If your DS is just dying to go to school and cannot wait (I'm such a big boy!) then this may not be a concern at all. But if he's perfectly happy at home and not exhibiting any completely self-driven desires to go to school, you might want to give some consideration to this, and if you do decide to send him how you'll handle it so that he doesn't think the two major milestones are linked.

[jillmamma]

Would they allow you to go with him one day this spring for a "trial" day to so both of you could see their routine and environment? Maybe it would be easier to go if he could actually see a day "in action". Do you have any neighbors who have a child about to go or who have already gone through prek who could talk to you about it or that you can get to know well enough to be kind of a "buddy" on the bus to help look out for your little guy? Our school district only offers prek for non-English speaking or low income families (and we do not qualify) so I am sending my DD to prek4 next year privately (5 hours a day 3 days a week). She also is an August 2005 kid, and I feel that for HER, she needs to get to know some of the routine and rules of school, and be okay with being away from mom for that time before she starts K going 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. DS started K this year, and I did the same with him and am glad I did. So my advice is to give it a try, and if for some reason it is really not working, pull him out and wait.

Also, what is your cutoff date in your state? Ours is Sept. 1, and DD's birthday is just 2 days before that so if she goes to K on time, she would be the youngest in her class. My plan for now is to send her to prek4 next year, see how she does, and then evaluate at the end of the year whether or not she is ready for K or another year of prek4.