I could use a hug or two. 
My daughter will be 11 this June. She's had her period since last summer and been increasingly moody, mean, grumpy, etc. Her hormones are obviously racing. She used to be such a sweet girl, but lately I've been crying quite a bit before bed..which isn't a good sign. LOL
The biggest issue that I'm currently in right now are that I took away her cell phone. Pity. She only had it a month. The reason her father and I agreed for her to have one are because she is in a lot of extra curricular activities, and she also goes back and forth between his house and mine. (we're divorced) I thought I went about everything the right way. I sat down with her and we added her friends and family that she could talk to. We talked about times that were approprite and who she couldn't call and talk to at all unless it was after 7pm. (early nights/weekends) We have an unlimited texting plan and I told her she could text her friends instead.
Well she hasn't made any calls at all except to me. But she has been texting 24/7. And I do mean 24/7. Dinner isn't even safe from the phone. When I finally had to physically remove the phone from her hand, she was angry with me and it ruined the meal anyway. I was contemplating whether her having a cell was a good idea..
Her (ex) grandmother (her father married and divorced again after me) bought her a laptop for Christmas. I have parental controls on, but they have been lenient because I had no issues in the past. She has a myspace with my permission, because I have the password and I read everything regularly. Same with the email. In fact, the emails are actually forwarded to me so I see everything. She's had these things for over a year now and we've had no issues.
Lately she's been erasing things so I can't read them. Obsessively. Being very sneaky, secretive. Texting in the bathroom with the door locked. Covering her computer when I walk over.. These are not good signs. I don't believe a 10 year old needs privacy on the internet.
She has been playing World of Warcraft with her step father and I since Christmas. Well, she was playing before that for a few years but for Christmas she got her "own" account. (I still have all controls) I turn the chatlog on in the game and make sure things going on are appropriate.
I noticed an increased interest in the game the past few days. As in, barely in the door before trying to play. Becomming really angry at me that I ask her to do homework first.
Texting nonstop. Literally one hand on the mouse and the other on her phone. I asked her for the phone and she tried to take it to the bathroom first to delete messages. Then she tried to delete them in front of me. Finally I had to physically grab it to read it. ..... I found people in her phone I don't know. She had added people she met online, in the game and just in general. Violating many rules in the process. Reading her texts I found that she was texting and recieving texts from a boy I'll call David. I found that day she also added him and wrote to him on myspace. They were exchanging "I love you's"... calling each other babe and hun... and he's 17 years old. 
At first I was so shocked that I just tried to talk to her about it. Yanno... let her know its not cool and can't happen blah blah... but she acted as if I didn't exist. She kept flipping her cell phone lid closed over and over and saying uhhuh. mmhmm. Again, she deleted all messages before she went to bed. A look at Cingulars account tells me that after our talk, she continued to text him. And she wrote him again on myspace, calling me overprotective and stupid.
I didn't sleep at all that night. I emailed the boy and asked him to please stop texting my daughter. She is only 10 years old and its not acceptable. He aggreed and complied. He wrote to her myspace a final time and told her that he was no longer going to text her or write because "your mom is right. Its not write we text each other. You're only 10 and she's trying to keep you safe. I'm going to respect her wishes." He told me she seemed really mature for her age, and because they'd been questing together in the game for a few months now, he totally didn't think anything of it when she said she wanted to text him. He see's now that it was no appropriate and he's sorry. I don't know what to think about the I love you's or what would prompt him to say that to a 10 year old. (she claims they were joking around... but my gutt says that SHE was not. I smell hormones flying.)
She said that age doesn't matter when you "love" someone. I explained that age most certainly DOES matter when you're TEN YEARS OLD. *sigh*
I have no idea what prompted her to pass out her phone number to a bunch of strangers on the internet. Or to add people without permission. Or to tell a 17 year old she loves him!
I decided her world needed to be brought back down and made smaller.
I have taken the SIM card out of her phone. When she tried to turn it on and saw no service she looked like someone ran over her cat. I told her it would still work for 911. She tossed it on my desk and walked out to catch the bus. She knocked into her step father on the way out the door and rudely shoved by him. He said she gave him the death glare the entire time he was at the bus stop. (we have a younger dd in K that rides the same bus)
I decided that I would add websites to her laptop that were okay for a girl her age to go on. No social networking sites. Yes. All her friends are on myspace. But all her "friends" are also older than her! How do I deal with that??? She literally does not like hanging with girls her own age. So really its only school that she plays with kids her own age. The rest of the time, at dance, the neighborhood, etc.. she hangs with older girls. And she likes older boys. And she gets mad at me when she can't do the things they all do.
Ugh its so hard. The choices about who's house do I let her go to was easier last year. I trusted her last year. I can't say that I trust her judgement anymore.
Neopets
webkinz
club penguin
nickjr.
Anyone have any other websites that would be appropriate for her to use? I'm white listing those and allowing only those for a small block of time each day. I'm cutting her hours WAY down. Her getting her own laptop was such a mistake. Because before she wouldn't get much time as we all had to share. Now she can be there all day.
For now she isn't even getting on the internet at all. I'm blocking everything for a while. I don't think I have reason to trust she can follow the rules to keep herself safe.
I've emailed her father and asked that he stick to the restrictions as well when she's there. He has agreed. And he's not too thrilled about what happened.
Someone please tell me I'm headed in the right direction by limiting these things? I don't believe she's getting the cell phone back at all. That was such a severe violation, I just don't think she's mature enough to handle it yet.
Advice? Please be gentle. I'm having a pretty rotten few days feeling like I somehow failed. Things were going so well until she got the cellphone...
: I'm really not an idiot. A few months ago my daughter was a very mature trustworthy young lady. (or I never would let her on the internet or thought about getting her a phone in the first place!) I honestly have no idea what happened. It seemed that overnight she became manipulative, sneaky and rude.
My daughter will be 11 this June. She's had her period since last summer and been increasingly moody, mean, grumpy, etc. Her hormones are obviously racing. She used to be such a sweet girl, but lately I've been crying quite a bit before bed..which isn't a good sign. LOL
The biggest issue that I'm currently in right now are that I took away her cell phone. Pity. She only had it a month. The reason her father and I agreed for her to have one are because she is in a lot of extra curricular activities, and she also goes back and forth between his house and mine. (we're divorced) I thought I went about everything the right way. I sat down with her and we added her friends and family that she could talk to. We talked about times that were approprite and who she couldn't call and talk to at all unless it was after 7pm. (early nights/weekends) We have an unlimited texting plan and I told her she could text her friends instead.
Well she hasn't made any calls at all except to me. But she has been texting 24/7. And I do mean 24/7. Dinner isn't even safe from the phone. When I finally had to physically remove the phone from her hand, she was angry with me and it ruined the meal anyway. I was contemplating whether her having a cell was a good idea..
Her (ex) grandmother (her father married and divorced again after me) bought her a laptop for Christmas. I have parental controls on, but they have been lenient because I had no issues in the past. She has a myspace with my permission, because I have the password and I read everything regularly. Same with the email. In fact, the emails are actually forwarded to me so I see everything. She's had these things for over a year now and we've had no issues.
Lately she's been erasing things so I can't read them. Obsessively. Being very sneaky, secretive. Texting in the bathroom with the door locked. Covering her computer when I walk over.. These are not good signs. I don't believe a 10 year old needs privacy on the internet.
She has been playing World of Warcraft with her step father and I since Christmas. Well, she was playing before that for a few years but for Christmas she got her "own" account. (I still have all controls) I turn the chatlog on in the game and make sure things going on are appropriate.
I noticed an increased interest in the game the past few days. As in, barely in the door before trying to play. Becomming really angry at me that I ask her to do homework first.
Texting nonstop. Literally one hand on the mouse and the other on her phone. I asked her for the phone and she tried to take it to the bathroom first to delete messages. Then she tried to delete them in front of me. Finally I had to physically grab it to read it. ..... I found people in her phone I don't know. She had added people she met online, in the game and just in general. Violating many rules in the process. Reading her texts I found that she was texting and recieving texts from a boy I'll call David. I found that day she also added him and wrote to him on myspace. They were exchanging "I love you's"... calling each other babe and hun... and he's 17 years old. At first I was so shocked that I just tried to talk to her about it. Yanno... let her know its not cool and can't happen blah blah... but she acted as if I didn't exist. She kept flipping her cell phone lid closed over and over and saying uhhuh. mmhmm.
Again, she deleted all messages before she went to bed. A look at Cingulars account tells me that after our talk, she continued to text him. And she wrote him again on myspace, calling me overprotective and stupid.I didn't sleep at all that night. I emailed the boy and asked him to please stop texting my daughter. She is only 10 years old and its not acceptable. He aggreed and complied. He wrote to her myspace a final time and told her that he was no longer going to text her or write because "your mom is right. Its not write we text each other. You're only 10 and she's trying to keep you safe. I'm going to respect her wishes." He told me she seemed really mature for her age, and because they'd been questing together in the game for a few months now, he totally didn't think anything of it when she said she wanted to text him. He see's now that it was no appropriate and he's sorry. I don't know what to think about the I love you's or what would prompt him to say that to a 10 year old. (she claims they were joking around... but my gutt says that SHE was not. I smell hormones flying.)
She said that age doesn't matter when you "love" someone.
I explained that age most certainly DOES matter when you're TEN YEARS OLD. *sigh*I have no idea what prompted her to pass out her phone number to a bunch of strangers on the internet. Or to add people without permission. Or to tell a 17 year old she loves him!
I decided her world needed to be brought back down and made smaller.
I have taken the SIM card out of her phone. When she tried to turn it on and saw no service she looked like someone ran over her cat. I told her it would still work for 911. She tossed it on my desk and walked out to catch the bus. She knocked into her step father on the way out the door and rudely shoved by him. He said she gave him the death glare the entire time he was at the bus stop. (we have a younger dd in K that rides the same bus)
I decided that I would add websites to her laptop that were okay for a girl her age to go on. No social networking sites. Yes. All her friends are on myspace. But all her "friends" are also older than her! How do I deal with that??? She literally does not like hanging with girls her own age. So really its only school that she plays with kids her own age. The rest of the time, at dance, the neighborhood, etc.. she hangs with older girls. And she likes older boys. And she gets mad at me when she can't do the things they all do.
Ugh its so hard.
The choices about who's house do I let her go to was easier last year. I trusted her last year. I can't say that I trust her judgement anymore.Neopets
webkinz
club penguin
nickjr.
Anyone have any other websites that would be appropriate for her to use? I'm white listing those and allowing only those for a small block of time each day. I'm cutting her hours WAY down. Her getting her own laptop was such a mistake. Because before she wouldn't get much time as we all had to share. Now she can be there all day.
For now she isn't even getting on the internet at all. I'm blocking everything for a while. I don't think I have reason to trust she can follow the rules to keep herself safe.
I've emailed her father and asked that he stick to the restrictions as well when she's there. He has agreed. And he's not too thrilled about what happened.
Someone please tell me I'm headed in the right direction by limiting these things? I don't believe she's getting the cell phone back at all. That was such a severe violation, I just don't think she's mature enough to handle it yet.
Advice? Please be gentle. I'm having a pretty rotten few days feeling like I somehow failed. Things were going so well until she got the cellphone...
: I'm really not an idiot. A few months ago my daughter was a very mature trustworthy young lady. (or I never would let her on the internet or thought about getting her a phone in the first place!) I honestly have no idea what happened. It seemed that overnight she became manipulative, sneaky and rude.
I strongly suspect that the 17yo she was texting had no clue how young she was, either because she'd outright lied about her age or because she was intentionally vague and let him assume she was much older. If you do ever return the phone to her, I would disable the texting feature.
s for you!
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