Originally Posted by mar123
When we bought my son his phone for his 13th birthday, the salesman with AT&T said that for an additional $5.00 a month, we can have blocks on his phone that would restrict who he can call and text as well as receive calls and texts from at certain times of the day. I WISH my students (I teach 10th grade) had this on their phones! These kids can text without looking. Anyway, when she does get it back, maybe look in to this?
My dd just turned 11 and has been begging for a phone. Our house rule is 13. She may drive me batty before then.
AT&T has a lame parental control plan. It only limits out going calls, not inbound. And you can only "block" 15 I believe calls. There is no limit to texting. No limit at all to times of day for inbound. No limit at all for how much they're allowed to talk (minute limit) etc. Basically, its not worth the 5$. I did look into it before I got the phone.
At any rate, she won't be getting the phone back at all. I'm keeping the line on, but its going to turn into the family phone should we need it. That way I have a way to feel safer if/when she is ever somewhere that adults might not be readily available.. she can call me. And since she won't be doing that for quite some time, its a moot point. The phone no longer belongs to her. Its mine. It belongs to me.
Originally Posted by Kindermama
Mama, my heart goes out to you fully! My dd turns 10 next month. This is really eye-opening. She still plays with dolls and stuff but wow, change is just around the corner. We are pretty much media-free..no tv, cell phones or computer time for the kids. Yesterday I found her sitting with my laptop googling puppies. I guess she caught on from watching me and the other day, I caught her texting my sister...again caught on from watching me. Scary stuff right there because she could have came across anything on the web. Anyway, IMO I think you should take away the phone and computer. She's only 10, nearly 11. IMO, She doesn't need either for quite some time and clearly she isn't making good choices or following the rules.
Originally Posted by Kindermama
ditto. why can't you get her cd-rom games to play on a computer and turn off the internet access? Why must she play games online?
Is there a reason she might be looking for attention (both from the boy and also from you and your ex)other than hormones? I'd have a heart to heart with her.
Its only one internet game she plays. And its because we play as a family. Thats how it started anyway. Gradually she became too "busy" to play with her step father or I. We always had the rule that there was to be no chatting or grouping with people she didn't know. Period. And just like the behavior with the phone.. she just.. decided to ignore the rules. Like one day she woke up and thought she was 18 and the rules no longer applied to her. I honestly don't even know when it happened. It just did. And I was a little slow to catch on to her playing with other people, because I was playing with her at first. She and I were playing and another person wanted to join the group and did so. We were together, it was fine. And i think that opened the gateway up for her, she started grouping when I wasn't with her. I started thinking.. maybe she can handle it? And then WHAM flirting with the 17 year old and exchanging info happened. LOL Nope. I was wrong there. Obviously.
So no, she doesn't just randomly go online and do things. I always have known exactly what she's doing. Its when she moved things to her phone that I had no control over the texts and what went on... thats when she was lying.. and sneaking.. etc.
Anyhow: UPDATE... Still no cell phone, and there won't BE a cellphone. I've decided she will not have it until she is driving and can help pay for it.
Still no computer usage at all. No idea when I'll let her either, though I'm seriously thinking about extending it quite awhile. Its sinking in I think.
Overnights at A's house are on the NO list now. Permanantly.
Her motivations are not always clear. And heart to heart talks are hard. We have them, but its so rare that she takes things seriously that its hard to communicate with her. This is a recent thing so I can only attribute it to hormones and how she's thinking. She craves attention from her bio father but he rarely gives it to her, and thats why she's seeking it from the boys. She even begs her father to spend time with her and he doesn't. His idea of spending time is dragging her along when he goes out with his girlfriend. Its a neverending battle with him.
Trust me when I say, she is 100 times better off with me though. She recently moved back in with me about a year 1/2 ago because his life was unstable. (and a lot of other UAV reasons. LOL)
We try to make up for that lack of attention, but really.. she wants it from him. She CRAVES it. You can tell by the way she wrestles and laughs with her step father that she just really wants that daddy time. I never had that feeling growing up because my father abused me, but I hear that its common for girls to want their fathers attention and time.