Why is he crying every day?

[sheandaru]

Our 5yo ds has been crying at school every day and we are stumped. His teachers can't figure out what's wrong either. The only reason he gives is, "I just miss mommy & want to go home." While that's sweet, I can't go pick him up whenever he gets sad. I've tried explaining this to him, but he still cries.

I just don't know if we're asking the right questions to figure out what's wrong.

Any ideas?

[sarathan]

It sounds like he's already given you the reason...."he misses mommy and wants to go home". I don't have any advice for you as to how to fix it (aside from pulling him out of school), but I think you have your answer.

[amcal]

I agree. It sounds like he misses his mommy and wants to go home. That's the reason.

Now what you do about that is tough. Maybe give him a picture of you? Or a pocket full of kisses (you kiss his hand a bunch of times, close his hand and have him put the kisses in his pocket so he can take one out when he needs it).

How long has this been going on? You said every day but every day since the beginning of school or every day this week?

If it's been more recent, could he be fighting off a cold or some other illness?

[sheandaru]

It was like this at the beginning of the school year but got better. Ever since he got back from the Christmas break, though, they say this has been happening. He was sick last week so he didn't go to school a lot. Maybe he's just still having problems readjusting?

[MichaelsSahm]

In the beginning of the school year, DS (6) had a hard time. I printed out a picture of the three of us (me, his dadd and him) and wrote a note on the back for him. I told him that everyday he misses us at school to look at that picture and read the note.

It really worked. And leaving notes in his lunchbox worked too.

Since my son has been back at school from Christmas break he is having a hard time. But he is acting out by talking in the class, etc.

[lightheart]

If he has recently missed school and has been able to stay home with you I would say that's a part of it. he is readjusting to the routine again.

My big guy (6.5) was out most of last week because of sickness, he has never been one to want to stay home from school, but he tried everything he could imagine to stay home.

Give him time to readjust and do what you have done in the past to make him missing you easier or start a new something like the picture the PP suggested.

[cottonwood]

Originally Posted by sheandaru

While that's sweet, I can't go pick him up whenever he gets sad. I've tried explaining this to him, but he still cries.

You can't, or won't? I'm sure he knows the difference -- he knows that you are choosing to leave him when he's distressed, and no amount of "reasoning" is going to make that feel good to his 5-year-old heart.

You say that the last time it happened it "got better". What if: he found the strength at that time to stoicly just get through it, but after a time of being able to go back to what feels good, it takes time to harden oneself sufficiently again so that it looks like you're okay.

Maybe it's not "just" that his sadness is irrational and he'll get over it once he realizes that. Maybe the situation really just isn't good for him.

Sometimes the only fix is to realize that sometimes young children really just are better off with their mothers.

[Drummer's Wife]

oh, that's sad

Honestly, if my 5 yo cried at school and said he missed mommy, I'd pull him out and keep him home with me. I mean, if it was a once or twice occurance (like after a long break) I'd probably consider seeing how it goes. But if it was more common than that, I wouldn't send him back. But then, I'm home all the time and it's just kindergarten. Actually, this would apply to my 2nd grader as well. School HAS to be a positive experience for my kids, it just has to.

[tm2840]

Originally Posted by sheandaru

Any ideas?

This may sound simplistic, but when my kids are extra-emotional (more than usual, which for them can be *really* over the top!) it's often because they're tired, coming down with something, getting over something, or need a little extra "serious-snuggle-time" for a couple days (like falling asleep with them at night).

Even my "almost nine year old."

[MattBronsil]

If I may ask how long this crying has been going on? That will help me give a better answer.

[Freeman]

I remember that I was actually like this in kindergarten -- I think also b/c I missed the comforts of home. And that was back when Kindergarten was only a half day. . . However, it did pass in time. I think it's a combination of the child's personality, the school setting, and the peers. Some children just need more of an adjustment period than others. As another poster said, look at whether it tends to happen more when your child is tired or feeling under the weather. It would also be helpful to talk to the teacher and see if there seems to be any particular "trigger." I.e., does the crying occur at any particular time of the day?

[momofPL]

Has anything changed at home? There are many reasons that children have cried like that for me over the years (I am a first grade teacher). I had one student cry every day because he was scared that mommy would be going to having the baby when he was at school. Usually something changes at school or at home. Other times they just have a difficult time readjusting after each break at home. If it helps most children stop crying as soon as the parent is out of sight and are fine the rest of the day. Have you tried to talk with your child about this when he wasn't upset about it? Talk with him maybe at home away from the teacher and peers when he isn't crying to see if you can get any more insight. Do you have time to visit him at school? Maybe come into school during the lunch hour to eat lunch with him or volunteer in his classroom. The kids always LOVE that when a parent comes for lunch!

[wednesday]

We went through this off and on in preschool, and a little bit at the beginning of kindergarten. I think pictures help, as a PP suggested. I had thought it would just remind my DS I wasn't there, but it truly seemed to help him. I had a luggage tag that was like a little picture frame (got it at Target). I put our family photo in it and looped it onto his belt loops. He loved taking that to school. It's worth trying!