Originally Posted by phrogger
I am sorry, but kids need their dad mroe then they need all the extras in life. YES we need money to survive, but getting by with a dad who shows how much he loves you is far more beneficial then having everything monitarily and not having dad there.
phrogger, again, this is your view. This is your set of values. You can apply it to your family, your kids, your ex. You have no way of gauging, from a 20-minute segment, what their situation actually is, what the factors were in their divorce, why she's resisting.
Incidentally, I come from a family where the men spent most of their waking hours working, and for me, that was a good thing. Have there been times when it's been frustrating, absolutely. But it was those men's example I had in front of me during the year before and two years after my ex filed for divorce, when I had no choice but to work.all.the.time -- for money, for school, as a mom, for custody, for the house, for a decent school for my daughter. They taught me how to work.
They were able to buy decent healthcare when they had cancer and heart disease; they were able to help people down on their luck; they taught me to manage and to think big. They also left me well-enough off that I came out of school with zero school debt. And that meant I was able to buy property instead of paying off loans, and walked into marriage with property. Which meant I could be a single full-custodial mom without falling into poverty and taking my child with me. I really would not knock the working-all-the-time dad.
(But wouldn't we have traded it all for more time? My dad managed to work 80-hour weeks, be actively involved in our education, eat with us, spend time with us on weekends and just around in the house, go on vacations with us, and -- later -- manage both his parents' care as they died. He lived far from them, but for several years he called his mother daily; hired, paid for, and stayed in daily touch with her nurses; kept in touch with her doctors, managed her money, and flew to see her once a month or so. After she died, he was the one to make all the arrangements, to go clean out and sell her apartment and execute her will. I'd wanted to come help, but I was 7 mo pregnant and he wouldn't let me. So, you know -- the guy who works a lot is not necessarily uninvolved in his family's life. I didn't feel deprived of his company.)
In the end, you know, with this family on the show, you're probably talking about a difference of well under $10K/yr in child support. Again, I see no reason why -- if what he's really after is more time with the kids and a career change -- he can't figure out how to keep up his financial responsibility at the same time. Math teachers are in demand. If he socks away a decent reserve over the next couple of years -- which he should be able to do if not buying all those "extras" you keep talking about -- while finding ways to adjust his working hours so that he does in fact see more of his kids, switches to the teacher job, and then makes up the diff in c/s from the saved money and extra contribution, he can have all he wants without stiffing the kids' mom.
Phrogger, PurityLake, you guys are talking about situations in which the parents work well together and are willing to do some give and take because essentially they're friends and trust each other. Obviously that's not the case here. Now, would you trust a man who tried to drag your business onto the Dr. Phil show when he didn't get his way?
|Then if he doesn't actually spend the time, go back to the original agreement.
Much easier said than done. Nor would I want to be in the position of having to spy on the guy. Remember, "time" in my ex's vocabulary includes plenty of napping while dd watches TV.