Originally Posted by phrogger
And no, I didn't increase my working, I adjusted our lifestyle to accomidate a fair and balanced relationship with both parents.
And you were willing to do so. You found it possible to do without causing a crisis in your life. Key word: willing.
Mothers are not exempt from responsibility, and if you'd read further upthread, you'd see I hold us to the same standards of responsibility. Read my response about the woman who'd agreed to be a SAHM and walked away from her family. Courts will also impute income to women, even if the woman has not been working for some time, based on their education and theoretical earning potential.
It's not uncommon for men to claim that they want more parenting time with the children, as a negotiating tactic, and then not take it. Even my ex did this, and he sees our daughter daily. We had much tearful loving-father drama about how he was like a babysitter, how he needed more time with her in order to be a real father. Of course, when I checked to see whether he was actually using the time he had available to him, the answer was no, he was not. He'd leave her at daycare instead of picking her up when he'd agreed to. And later, when dd was old enough to talk about what went on at daddy's, it turned out there was a lot of TV-watching while daddy slept. When I stopped to add up the amount of time he actually had available to spend with her, it turned out to be considerably more than most married daddies get.
I can certainly understand this fellow wanting to spend more time with his kids. (Don't we all?) But if he's a responsible daddy, he'll either work it out with the mother in a way that's mutually acceptable, or he'll find a way to spend more time with his kids while still fulfilling the promises he made, rather than dumping them on someone who's either unwilling or unable to pick them up.
You won't see the laws change anytime soon because the vast majority of single-mother households are already poor-to-lower-middle-class. Very few of us break $50K, by Census stats. And nobody's going to hand the taxpayer a bigger bill just because daddy wants to stop being a sales manager and go be a math teacher.
MsChats, I get you, but you're positing a world in which mama and daddy still work well together after divorce. Yes, it happens sometimes. I think more often they do not. My ex and I are very civil, he pays his child support and seems to be responsible with dd, and to all appearances things look fine. But there is zero communication, and poking at the structure of agreements prompts major meltdowns. The last time we went off-roading, it ended in my having to call the police to see that someone was actually looking after dd. From England. In the middle of the night, in the midst of a research trip.