WWYD teen and facebook

[mbbinsc]

I recently opened facebook account. In opening, it linked me to my teen nieces pages. So I looked. I am worried about my niece who is senior in HS. She has many suggestive posts and even listed a "fake" party with her cell number. i am thinking of asking my DH to call her from pay phone and pretend to be interested in meeting such a teenager. I don't want to mention to her mom, as I could cause World War 3. Should I ignore and pray alot for her??

I so enjoyed taking my 3 yo to the park today! Much easier parenting.

[Oriole]

I would do, what I would hope any other parent would do for me, if they found this information about my child...

I would contact the parent and let them know your concerns, and would allow them to deal with situation as they see fit.

[mtiger]

I would let her parents know, rather than having your husband try anything. No matter how innocent his intentions, it could come back to bite him.

[mbbinsc]

Thank you for the responses. This is so troubling for me. I love my niece and know that the relationship between her and my sister is bad. But, just like I helped a little boy who fell at the park today, I feel I need to help her.

[THANKFULFORFIVE]

What about asking the mom if she checks dd's facebook? She could open her own account and see what her daughter is up to, then she couldn't really "blame the messenger".

[Cherie2]

she is a senior in highschool, i think that what she does is her own buisness, if you are concernd why not send her a facebook message and tell her your concern about her number being so public

[BedHead]

I would talk to her myself. I wouldn't tattle on her. You may not see it as tattling, but for sure she will. There's no better way to alienate a teen girl than to take something like this to her parents, especially if she doesn't have a good relationship with them to begin with. Hopefully you and she can work on this 'secret' together to solve it and her parents may never need to know.

[sbrinton]

We're not there yet, but I think the rule when our kids are teens with online/social networking will be that we have to be able to see their webpages as long as they live in our house.

That said, I have a neice who is a junior in high school. Her facebook page is troubling too. She shows some signs of depression and talks about partying. But I haven't brought this up with her mom because I don't think the mom would care or handle it well. Instead, I'm just trying to stay involve din this neice's life.

[Amylcd]

Originally Posted by Cherie2

she is a senior in highschool, i think that what she does is her own buisness, if you are concernd why not send her a facebook message and tell her your concern about her number being so public

I agree. She is basically an adult (if not already).

[choli]

Originally Posted by Cherie2

she is a senior in highschool, i think that what she does is her own buisness, if you are concernd why not send her a facebook message and tell her your concern about her number being so public

I agree with Cherie. We are not talking about a 10 year old.

[mbbinsc]

Thanks for the responses. If I think about this for awhile she will be 18! I am living in such a different world with a 3 yo DD and 10 yo DS (who still thinks girls have cooties). I don't want to be a spy so I have chosen not to use Facebook. I will try to address with her, she may even be doing some of the posting to get at her mom if she was caught checking up.

[Annapooh]

You know your niece, and your sister. Is her dad in the picture? Not that I'd talk to him over anything else, but it could help you decide if you or your DH should talk to her. Being almost an adult, it's a hard call. I think I'd ask her to coffee/ lunch shopping afternoon, and go to a spot with WIFI, and pull up her facebook. Make sure she knows you are not judging her! Just talk to her about your concerns/fears, and express your love for her. It might not change anything NOW, but cultivating the seeds of love you have planted in her life will keep a channel open for her to go to you if she needs help and can't go to her parents. I don't mean to undermine any parents, but I know in my life, the unconditional love of my aunt and uncle, my whole life, but especially when I was 18-21, has helped shaped me into or closer to being the woman I want to be.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by mtiger

I would let her parents know, rather than having your husband try anything. No matter how innocent his intentions, it could come back to bite him.

:

[mbbinsc]

Annapooh,your post speaks to my heart. I know that things are bad at my sister's house,and we have been a place to be safe. I don't want to ruin that. I don't want to be the judge of her behavior, rather a voice to tell her to be safer on public forums. For what it is worth, my sister was big on CIO to the extent of holding the door shut.

[Labbemama]

As the mom of a 15 y/o with a facebook, I would want to know.
Especially with the changes that facebook had about them OWNING the content that was just in the news. What a teen girl posts now could haunt her for life. At 17, you post something dumb or too risque and in a year or two your college admissions advisor or new boss sees it and it costs you a job or admission...and you can't remove it because it's the property of some site...scarey.

I hope you can talk to her about her FB page content.

I have not been monitoring my dd's as closely because I know there are a lot of other parents and my sil-to-be in her friends list. I unsubbed from her friends list but I can still see her announcments. She deserves some privacy.

If you confront the facebook, she'll just get a myspace or xanga or whatever's newest unknow to parents site they don't know about. basically you just drive it underground.

[CarrieMF]

Especially with the changes that facebook had about them OWNING the content that was just in the news. What a teen girl posts now could haunt her for life. At 17, you post something dumb or too risque and in a year or two your college admissions advisor or new boss sees it and it costs you a job or admission...and you can't remove it because it's the property of some site...scarey.

They no longer have this policy about them owning pictures. It would have never held up if they actually went to court over it.

[amydidit]

So she's not 18 yet, right? I would definitely let her mom know. Even if they don't have the best relationship it's up to her mom to handle it... not you. I know you want to help her, but it's not your responsibility.

[nextcommercial]

I would just tell her you want her to take her phone number down.

My phone numbers are on my facebook, but I'm a grown up.

It's her choice if she wants it on there after you tell her what you want. But, at 17-18, she'd probably be willing to do that for you.

[ShwarmaQueen]

Originally Posted by Cherie2

she is a senior in highschool, i think that what she does is her own buisness, if you are concernd why not send her a facebook message and tell her your concern about her number being so public

:

[pink gal]

I had a similar situation with my nephews. I strongly encouraged their mom to get her own page and "friend" them so she could see for herself what they were doing.