WWYD teen and facebook - Page 2

[the_lissa]

Originally Posted by Cherie2

she is a senior in highschool, i think that what she does is her own buisness, if you are concernd why not send her a facebook message and tell her your concern about her number being so public

I completely agree.

[mbbinsc]

After much thought, I shared my concern with another sister. She has college age DD that did befriend HS senior. The older niece cautioned the younger. And my sister with the college age niece discussed with other sister. Since my children are so much younger, I have been told that I don't know anything about teens (quite possible). My name was kept out of situation so that I can approach niece on my terms not her moms. It gets so complicated, which is probably why niece is acting out.
.

[Annapooh]

Originally Posted by mbbinsc

Annapooh,your post speaks to my heart. I know that things are bad at my sister's house,and we have been a place to be safe. I don't want to ruin that. I don't want to be the judge of her behavior, rather a voice to tell her to be safer on public forums. For what it is worth, my sister was big on CIO to the extent of holding the door shut.

I'm glad to read you found a solution. I do still want to encourage you to do something that keeps the doors of communication open between the two of you even if you don't talk about the facebook. My mother never wanted to be a bad parent, and now I know she has BPD, however, I did a lot of stupid stuff, that she never held me accountable for. My aunt and uncle let me know when they knew I'd done something stupid, but not by calling me out on it. If i'd have been more intune to their love, I'd probably have asked my uncle to give me away at my wedding, (i was pg) I had others turn their back on me when they found out i was pg so I didn't involve or ask my aunt & uncle to play the role i'd have preferred, out of fear. Sometimes our stupid stuff is hoping someone will catch it, and catch us when we fall. BTW, they never judged me about the baby, only continued to show their unconditional love.

[Aleo]

Just tell her to take her phone number down, mind you, just becuase you tell her doesnt mean she will do it.

[rhubarbarin]

I don't see what harm there is in having your phone # up on facebook, since pretty much the only people that will see it are people you know/have met IRL (who could easily get your number somewhere else if they wanted to call you)...

Anyway this sounds pretty tame to me, I know some people who have put up some stuff on the net they REALLY shouldn't have (graphic details, photos of them scantily clothed/using substances, etc), talking about partying as a high school senior seems totally normal.

[Calee]

Did you have to request your niece as a friend in order to see her page?

If NOT, she does not have it set to private, and anyone can see the content, including the phone number.

This is my biggest problem with Facebook and MySpace, and what I constantly preach to my nephew....

If you set your page to private, and ONLY add people as friends that you know, that is one thing. If you do NOT choose to set it to private, and anyone can see your content and find you (by phone, at school, at your house, etc.) that is what I consider unsafe for ANY age person.

[mbbinsc]

My nieces pages are private, but what I saw was posted on a local forum. Basically she was posting about a party at her house, using hot tub, clothing optional. Her number was there, but later in the post she said the party was fake. A cousin of hers (another niece) did befreind her and counsel her. She warned her of putting semi-nude photos and phone number. I don't want to be her facebook friend as I want to be there for her. We have had her runaway to our house once so far. Interestingly, there is a 14 yo niece from another sibling who asked to be her friend, she said no but the college cousin said yes.

[lilyka]

if I found out my child was doing that and people knew and didn't tell me I would be ticked off. it would end out friendship before. if my child is in any sort of danger I would want to know about. World war and all. Definitely tell the parents.

[Cherie2]

Originally Posted by lilyka

if I found out my child was doing that and people knew and didn't tell me I would be ticked off. it would end out friendship before. if my child is in any sort of danger I would want to know about. World war and all. Definitely tell the parents.

At 17? what about 18?

[PoppyMama]

I'm with Cherie2.

[MadameXCupcake]

Originally Posted by PoppyMama

I'm with Cherie2.

Me too.

[ananas]

Originally Posted by Cherie2

she is a senior in highschool, i think that what she does is her own buisness, if you are concernd why not send her a facebook message and tell her your concern about her number being so public

Yup. She's an adult, she can make her own decisions. If you're concerned, just gently ask her or tell her you're concerned.

[lilyka]

for some reason I was thinking she was younger. at that age I would just talkto her dierectly. As a parent i would still want to know. 18 is still in need of parenting. especially if they are still acting so immaturely.

the phone number doesn't bother me. my number is on my facebook site but the whole fake parety and sexual pictures would bother me.

[Labbemama]

If she used a fake number I hope it wasn't for some other girl your niece hates or something like that. That can really tick ppl off being given a fake number. It just sounds to me like a girl war kind of thing. Pick a girl with a bad rep, post explicit stuff about yourself and give out HER number as a form of harrassment. I mean what was she going to say when ppl started calling her for a party??? I'd ask her mom if they had any unusual phone calls lately. (Call and hanging up. heavy-breathers. That sort of thing.)

Yeah, keep the communication open with your niece, you might be young and inexperienced at parenting teens but you survived being a teen, so that qualifies you to advise her in my book! You care about her safety and reputation obviously and she may turn to you BECAUSE you are young and not such an old person she may listen to you more.

I am alive and well today because my aunt and uncle butted in my mom's business.

[mbbinsc]

Thanks for all the posts. Really have been helpful in developing my approach. I have learned that my sister is aware problems and teen/family is in counseling. There was an issue with her bff and they had both posted private info on the other. My niece took hers down, the bff did not. I have remained out of the fray (she called me yesterday for a ride home sick from school before calling her dad - mom was out of town).

[Labbemama]

Ugh there are some ways to un-tag yourself in pictures. I suggest your niece and your mom read the facebook pages about unauthorized pics of you being up and contact facebook to get the content removed if the other girl doesn't do it she could have her act. suspended.