traumatic day at daycare...wwyd?

[michellebelle]

DS is 12m and goes to daycare one day a week. I love his teachers and the director and have never had any problems before, but had an experience yesterday that was really upsetting and I am not sure if I am overreacting or how to handle it.

Let me preface this by saying that the director is on maternity leave right now and two of his three teachers were gone yesterday. The one that was in the classroom DS doesn't know very well since she has only been there for a month or so. A lot of little things went wrong when I dropped him off in the morning (he was out of diapers and no one had told me to bring more, they had rearranged cribs and the teacher in there didn't know where his was so I didn't know where to put his stuff, etc) and I just had a really bad feeling all morning, so I drove across town at lunch to check on him.

When I went to check his sheet to see what he had for lunch it was blank. It was 2:00, so I asked teacher one what he had for lunch. She said that he must have had lunch when she was on break, so to ask teacher two. I asked teacher two, and she said the same thing. Both teachers look at eachother like "oh crap." The one of them tells me that the break teacher probably gave him lunch, and to check with her, which doesn't make sense because the break teacher breaks them both one at a time, so ONE of them would have been in there when he ate lunch. I was upset, but knew that the break teacher was going to be back in fifteen min or so, and I would have her get DS a late lunch.

So I go to leave. DS usually cries for a second when I first put him down, but has found a toy or a friend by the time the door shuts after me. Not yesterday. He was frantic...arching his back trying to stay in my arms, clinging to me, screaming...and it took one of the teachers awhile to come over and take him from me when it was apparent I wasn't just going to lay him on the floor screaming like that and walk out. He has NEVER done that before, so I waited and listened outside the door after it closed. Two, three minutes went by and he was still hysterical. I have never heard him cry that hard. He was almost hyperventaling. So I very carefully walk over to the observation window and peek in because I don't want him to see me, and the teacher HAD JUST LAYED HIM DOWN IN HIS CRIB TO CRY. I almost burst into tears right there...I was shaking I was so upset. I stood there for a minute trying to figure out what to do and she saw me watching and came out and told me he was probably tired and going to sleep. At this point he had been crying HARD for five minutes and was laying down...not wailing anymore but I couldn't tell if he was crying or not because I couldn't see his face.

DS has been sick lately and I have missed so much work that I felt like I couldn't just walk out of there with him like every bone in my body wanted to do unless I was willing to risk losing my job. So I went back to work and left early to come back and get him.

I talked to the break teacher who, after much stumbling, told me that she did feed DS lunch...but couldn't explain why neither or the other teachers saw it. I really think she was lying to me.

He is fine today but I feel horribly guilty about what happened, and like I should have done something different in that situation. Am I overreacting? What would you do now if you were in my shoes?

[pranamama]

it is good you have motherly instincts that are working. I'd probably find a new daycare.

[soccermama]

Reading this post seriously made me cry. Just imagining how hysterical your son was and the fact that he may or may not have been fed lunch. WTH? I know people make mistakes and they have several other kids to look after, but this is unacceptable, IMO.
I would certainly check in to other options for a DCP. It's not worth the stress and awful feeling that you have at work worrying about your son!

[Nillarilla]

Talk to the director this is not acceptable. Then do a couple of drop ins randomly to make sure they are on their toes.

[nextcommercial]

Wow.. I don't know what I would do. I'd be really crushed for him though. I feel bad that you had to leave him like that.

I don't know that I would run out and find a new daycare. There are bad days everywhere. No matter what daycare you choose, eventually there's going to be a bad day.

The fact that there was only one regular teacher there is probably what threw it all off. It's SO hard on those days, and the teachers may have been a little overwhelmed.

Will the other teachers be back next week? If it's going to be like that often (without his regular caregivers) I would maybe look for some other situation. If it's going to get back to normal, I would chalk it up as a REALLLY bad day and give them another chance.

[mandib50]

[Red]

Oh, poor both of you!

I would have a long talk with the director.

And if something like this were to happen agian, I would just remmeber, you CAN find a new job. Your child is more important. I'm only saying that because, in your situation,I'd have freaked about work too. And then I'd feel guilty forever. your better off worrying about your baby.

If your instincts say to find a new place, do it!

[michellebelle]

Thanks for the advice, mamas!

I do love his normal teachers, and they do a great job with him... I will have a long talk with the director about what happened yesterday. I will also be visiting randomly for awhile, too.

I know there are bad days everywhere. I am just sad it was my baby.

[StephandOwen]

As a mom this makes me so sad and breaks my heart. As a daycare worker this makes me FURIOUS. I have never, in all the years working with babies, let one cry in a crib after mama left. That's insane. I've had my fair share of crying babies and I KNOW it's hard. It's especially hard when you've got 3, 4 or 5 crying babies at once and you're all alone working in that room. It SUCKS. I've sat down on the floor and had 3 or 4 crying babies in my lap, trying to juggle all at once. It's not fun but at least they all know that I'm there and I care about them while I'm trying to attend to them (and I talk to them and let them know that they're okay and I'm trying to help them). But to put them in a crib screaming? No. Never. It's actually against our regulations here.

If you decide to keep your kiddo here, I would drop by VERY frequently but not at the same time every day. I would also have a loooong talk with the director and demand some answers.

I know mistakes happen, which is why the lunch thing wouldn't throw me off too much. Of course it sucks that the kiddo didn't get lunch on time, but I'm sure that doesn't happen every day. I've forgotten to feed a kid lunch or snack a time or two. Sometimes the kid is sleeping during feeding time and I set it aside to do when s/he wakes up and then I forget. It happens. It shouldn't happen frequently, but the crying in the crib thing would piss me off soooo much more.

[Kristine233]

CIO is not allowed in most states for childcare centers and most childcares have a policy about it as well. Talk to the director (or the acting director if she is not available) about this. Sounds like the teacher that was there was not familiar with everything yet and needs a bit more training. I have not worked in an infant room but I was the director of a center with an infant room and I can tell you that would not go over well with me. I've fired infant teachers for similar behavior. The sheets are there for a reason, they need to be filling that information in the moment its done. They also need to be checking all kids' sheets throughout the day to make sure the needs are met, thats what the sheets are for. They should NEVER assume needs are met just because everyone else's were.

Would I switch daycares over that? Probably not if I liked the center over all and the other teachers. BUT I'd have a long serious talk with the director and make sure ALL the teachers knew exactly how I felt. If you go to the teacher and say "We don't CIO, that is not an acceptable care choice for my child" they have to comply, end of story. Babies cry at home, they cry at daycare, its not a surprise. Its how they deal with the crying babies that needs to be looked at. The infant room is THE most flexible room in the childcare setting, there is no reason why they couldn't have given him a late lunch "just to be sure" his needs were met as well. Who cares if he has 2 lunches, at least you know he was fed.

They are the teachers, but you are the parent, you are ultimately in charge and don't let them talk away your concerns. Follow your mama gut instincts because you know your child best.

[Ceinwen]

As a mother of a fourteen month old who's starting care in two months, this made my stomach turn. Two things stood out for me.

1) Putting him in the crib as he was crying and only coming over once she saw you were watching.

2) The dishonestly around lunch.

Now, the CIO would have gotten someone ripped a new one. Seriously, as Kristine stated, that's flat our against the law and/or daycare policies in most places. I'd be having serious convos with the director on that one.

The missed lunch. While I would be wild about it, and heartbroken for my toddler, I too get that things get insane. *However* if that was the case, someone needs to have the cajones to stand up and take the heat for it.

None of this wishy-washy 'Maybe so&so fed him' Uh, no. Own up to it, face the wrath, do better. The daycare director would also be getting a letter &/or meeting on this issue.