HELP!! dd is out of controll!

[smarmie]

My dd has started to tantrum whenever it is time to change her clothes. I thought that we were over the terrible twos, and in a way this seems so much worse. She is screaming at the top of her lungs so bad that it makes her cough and sometimes I think that she may even throw up. She is scratching, pinching, and biting anywhere she can get to including my face, and she is doing this spit-drool-gurgle thing in the middle of all this. Dh thinks it may be that she is sick but this seems extreme. Does anyone have any suggestions? Hopefully before bedtime!

[star jewel]

re: out of control dd

Sister mama, I feel your pain. My son, who is now 6, was an angel baby until the terrible 2's ( and 3's and on and on!!). Then he would fly into rages, screaming and thrashing about until he was exhausted and shaking. I thought he was having a mental breakdown (I know I was close to one myself!). But he got over it. I also have a cousin whose daughter, when she was around 2 or 3, would get so unhinged during tantrums she would pass out It was a terrifying thing to see, but they took her to doctors to rule out any psychological/neurological problems, and the docs said she was just a VERY strong willed child. She's now in high school and a normal smart cute kid.
(If you've read my other posts, you will see that I am now having behavior issues with my son; however, my doc said at the time [when he was little] his tantrums were normal. Excruciating for the parent, but normal kid behavior.) How old is your child, btw?? Take her to your ped for an evaluation, but it sounds like just the normal crazies every kid gets. p.s. my 2 1/2 year old refuses to remove her shoes at bedtime. I just leave them on and hope she doesn't kick me too much during the night!!

[jayayenay]

Have you tried to figure out why she's objecting? Does she want to do it herself? Does she need more warning before the transition? Does she want to wear something different or have more control over her clothing choices?

[chfriend]

Since it sounds like it's sudden, new behavior is it possible that your dh's intuition that she is sick is correct. Could you act the way that you would if she was sick and see if that helps? Whenever I think my child has completely lost her mind, she comes down with something. I've learned to respond with as much gentleness and compassion as I can because if I try "laying down the law" with a child that ends up being sick I feel very humbled.

She may not be old enough to tell the difference between feeling bad emotionally and feeling bad physically.

[smarmie]

Thanks everyone for your understanding and input!

She gets plenty of warning, I usually remind her that she needs to get dressed until she agrees, only the last couple of days she has not reached the point of agreement. And she always picks her own outfits.

I really hope that dh is right, it is so bad! I will treat her like she is sick tonight and baby her. I just feel like I was so gentle the last few clothes changes! When she started having her fit today all I could think to do was hold her so she didnt hurt herself or anyone else.

[bestjob]

Have you read "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" by Mary Kurcinka Sheedy? I have found it helpful when dealing with tantrums. You can begin to separate the behaviour from its cause, and get your kiddo calmer and more able to deal with her own feelings.

[smarmie]

Thank you! I will check it out. I have actually been wondering what I can do to stop the power struggles.

[USAmma]

I am still learning about discipline myself. We have had similar battles but they don't result in my dd acting as severe as yours, but she won't cooperate either.

Last night my dd refused to put on her pajamas so we used reverse psychology on her and said, "Okay, you don't want pajamas? Then no pajamas. You can sleep in your undies tonight." The next thing we knew she was chasing dh and I around begging for her pj's. lol!

When my dd get over the edge and won't respond to offers to rock her or hold her and instead turns violent, I put myself in a time-out. I tell her I'm going to my room for awhile and will come out when she calms down. I then leave and shut my door. It doesn't take her long to come and knock on the door and ask for me to come out. Then we hug and talk about why she was angry. She's learning to hit pillows instead of me.

Good luck! I know how frustrating it can be to see your child like that and she won't let you comfort her.

Darshani