3 yr old traumatized (and me)

[seemfrog]

This is long... sorry...

I just took my 3 1/2 yr olds to their first dental WORK appt (had xrays and cleaning done before). The office is this "kid friendly" atmosphere, tvs playing kid movies, fish tanks, fun toys in the waiting room, balloons with sugar free lolly pops, toys, stickers, etc for after the appt.

My kids RAN to the office they were so excited (from getting all that loot the last time).

I went frist with ds1, he had to lie in the chair for nearly an hour inhaling nitrous before the doc even showed up... he did ok with it all, the doc was SO fast, I guess baby teeth are so easy to fix quick, a little drill a little fill, he was literally done in 30 seconds. He cried a little during it, just having all that stuff in his mouth I'm sure was scary and uncomfortable and confusing. But it was so quick.

Next it was ds2's turn. He was already with DH and had gotten the novaine already so just waiting for the doc to come back.
He was telling me "I want to mama dentist" (the first appt we had the women dentist, he has always been much more comfortable with women especially strangers... wish I had kept that in mind). From the start he didn't even want to open is mouth again.
He finally did, but as soon as he started in, he was flowing water into his mouth for some reason... and it started to choke him! He was gurgling and sputtering and the doc was trying to get the assistant to suck it up quick and she wasn't... and ds2 was totally panicked, so I stepped in, I said "he's choking!" and the doc was a little miffed and said "he's NOT choking!" and ds2's eyes were huge, he was sputtering... so I basically moved stuff aside and sat him up and he was coughing out water and all freaked out, kept saying he wanted a hug. Well, basically he never calmed down again, when we finally got him to lie down and open his mouth again he just started wailing (really loud, hyperventilating turned to coughing fits, etc) I was trying hard to have him calm down (but he doesn't when he's that upset until you can hold him... I've had experiences like that in the car when I just couldn't stop right away) they were able to do one filling quick since its SO quick, but they didn't use water anymore and were just doing light stuff, he just could never calm down, so they couldn't even get to his one really bad tooth...
DH could hear him out there... said he felt so bad and didn't know what to do (he was hanging out with ds1)
So, I talked quietly to ds2 for a while with him sitting up, the doc thought he was coughing cuz he had a cough, but it was just cuz he was so freaked out.
So then the doc went out to talk with DH and suggested HE come back with him next time... DH told me later the guy was a jerk (arogant).

For those that have read this whole story... thanks! I have been having this terrible feeling since, just sick to my stomach and I just feel like crying. Well, and did actually when I realized one part that was really bothering me, its like the whole place is this unpleasant experience that they disguise as fun... and I felt like I was part of that deception. Of course no one can bare hearing their baby cry like that...

So now I don't know what to do. The alternatives are to find another place, to have him undergo GA, or not go to anyone...
My first thought is to try going one more time (not sure how long to wait for a little bit of emotional healing...) and make sure he is seen by the woman dentist, and ask her not to flow water if possible.

Well, thanks for listening. Has anyone had a similar experience and was actually able to get your kid to go back? My poor baby...

[~PurityLake~]

Personally, I would have put a stop to it as soon as my child was upset. My 3.5 year old recently had her first dentist appointment which was just an exam and cleaning. She had fun, the hygienist was patient, spoke respectfully to my daughter. Abigail had sat on my lap for my last two appointments so she knew what to expect and had been looking forward to when she would have her first appointment.

For you, I would definitely change practitioners at this point. The dentist clearly was not respectful of either your son or you.

[juliebird]

ugh. you poor thing. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I understand how hard it can be to bring your little ones to the dentist and then have to watch them get something done that they can't understand but you know is necessary.

I wonder if that arrogant dentist was also freaked out and that's the way he showed it? It's like he got defensive and "blamed" you/your lo...(he kept trying to find someone else to blame, it's a cough or it's the mom and it'll be better if the father comes in next time).

I think I'd try to find another pediatric dentist OR always try to go to the woman dentist (is that possible?). Either way I'd avoid that dentist in the future if possible.

Remember that you are doing what is right for your LO's and your emotions from this are just proof that you are a good mama...you recognize your children's emotions and respect them.

[jeevee3]

Well, I can understand the dentist trying to minimize the couging, because he has a job to do and would not want to upset the kid. If you jumped in and started getting all excited, then your little one might have gotten freaked out by that as much as anything. And you say he has trouble calming down after getting upset in other situations too, then I don't really understand how it's the dentist's fault. As for the dentist being arrogant, well, maybe he was but he evidently sees kids all day long every day, so I would think he has to deal with a lot of screaming kids, you know. Get the lady dentist next time, but just be ready for a similiar situation if your kid is that sentitive. According to your own description, the job doesn't take very long to do, so I would presume they favor just going on and doing it, rather than trying to wait it out for the kids to calm down, you know. Not necessarily saying it's right, just reasoning through it.

I have one kid that has always hated the dentist and one that begs to go -- same office, same dentist, same stuff being done, so you just never know...

[Elizabeth2008]

good for you for stepping in and helping your DS when the dentist is telling you he's not choking when in fact he completely WAS choking. Your son counts on you to protect him in those situations and a filling is not worth that kind of trauma. The dentist didn't have respect for you or your son, so probably best to find another dentist.