(My friend Jess posted this discussion of "discretion" on our local parenting group and I found it intriguing and thought-provoking. She's given me permission to share it here. Jen)
Lactivism and the big D
It seems like whenever there is a discussion about breastfeeding in public, eventually things get down to this: somebody is offended by the sight of a breast, and they think the owner of the breast should respect their feelings by not baring their breast. Then the D word comes out: discreet. And it's almost always a breastfeeder who uses it first: *I'm* discreet, *I* don't condone those titty-flashing drama queens with their nipply agendas! It can be done modestly! Look at me, I'm a breastfeeder, I don't let it all hang out!
I've done it, too, and it galls me. We're trying to gently convince the offended person that their big bad fear of total XXX boobage doesn't reflect reality. We're trying to reassure them that really, most breastfeeders don't show that much breast, so cool it on the anti-indecent exposure campaign!
Problem is, we're shooting ourselves in the foot. By using the big D, or dancing around it in any way by trying to prove how *modest* we are, by talking about how the baby covers up the breasts, reassuring them that nothing really shows and that they've probably seen a million cases of NIP and never noticed it...we're allowing them to define modesty and discretion. We're playing their game and agreeing with them that breasts should not be seen. We're selling out our fellow breastfeeders - the ones who are unhampered by silly social conditioning and don't feel self-conscious popping a breast over the neck of a tank top, or who just can't hide those 38Gs, or who inadvertently get exposed by a curious 8 month old taking a look around. It's even worse when the pro-NIP side starts to agree with the "just be prepared with a bottle or go to the bathroom!" side by speculating about the motives of the woman in the news story du jour. We weren't there, we aren't her. Assuming that she was trying to stir up a ruckus is blaming the victim.
So, I beg of you, can we please drop the discretion language and stand up for our fellow nursing mamas, no matter how they get the milk into their baby's mouths? (I'm not pointing any fingers, just asking if you'll join me in watching what we say.) When we use it, we allow the anti-NIP people to put us on the defensive and define the terms of the debate. Our bottom line should be this: babies have a right to food and comfort when and where they need it. How much of the breast is bared in the process should matter to no one but its owner. So let's stop talking about how discreet we are, ok?
Lactivism and the big D
It seems like whenever there is a discussion about breastfeeding in public, eventually things get down to this: somebody is offended by the sight of a breast, and they think the owner of the breast should respect their feelings by not baring their breast. Then the D word comes out: discreet. And it's almost always a breastfeeder who uses it first: *I'm* discreet, *I* don't condone those titty-flashing drama queens with their nipply agendas! It can be done modestly! Look at me, I'm a breastfeeder, I don't let it all hang out!
I've done it, too, and it galls me. We're trying to gently convince the offended person that their big bad fear of total XXX boobage doesn't reflect reality. We're trying to reassure them that really, most breastfeeders don't show that much breast, so cool it on the anti-indecent exposure campaign!
Problem is, we're shooting ourselves in the foot. By using the big D, or dancing around it in any way by trying to prove how *modest* we are, by talking about how the baby covers up the breasts, reassuring them that nothing really shows and that they've probably seen a million cases of NIP and never noticed it...we're allowing them to define modesty and discretion. We're playing their game and agreeing with them that breasts should not be seen. We're selling out our fellow breastfeeders - the ones who are unhampered by silly social conditioning and don't feel self-conscious popping a breast over the neck of a tank top, or who just can't hide those 38Gs, or who inadvertently get exposed by a curious 8 month old taking a look around. It's even worse when the pro-NIP side starts to agree with the "just be prepared with a bottle or go to the bathroom!" side by speculating about the motives of the woman in the news story du jour. We weren't there, we aren't her. Assuming that she was trying to stir up a ruckus is blaming the victim.
So, I beg of you, can we please drop the discretion language and stand up for our fellow nursing mamas, no matter how they get the milk into their baby's mouths? (I'm not pointing any fingers, just asking if you'll join me in watching what we say.) When we use it, we allow the anti-NIP people to put us on the defensive and define the terms of the debate. Our bottom line should be this: babies have a right to food and comfort when and where they need it. How much of the breast is bared in the process should matter to no one but its owner. So let's stop talking about how discreet we are, ok?
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Excellent!!
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So I think if women have to cover their breasts while nursing, then women have to cover their hands while bottlefeeding. And men need to cover up, period!
