Anyone else never want to give birth ever again? - Page 2

[Romana]

Originally Posted by magstphil

I agree about the natural birth community acting as if birth is painless or at least always manageable. That doesn't empower women, IMO, it can often do the opposite. My MW was upset with me for being vocal during labor. The NB community really needs to break free of it's own stereotypes which hinder the birth process and offer little support to those of us who had it different then what is expected. That's the problem with birth culture across the spectrum- women are not being supported as birthing mothers regardless.

I just wanted to quote this because I really think it warrants repeating. Absolutely.

[micah_mae_]

Originally Posted by Romana9+2

Same here. I hate birth. We absolutely want more children. I know that I will give birth again, if we're fortunate enough to get pregnant again. I don't know what form that birth will take. I'm not looking forward to it. "Dread" is about as positive an emotion as I can muster.

Yup. The size of family that I want has gone down from 6-8 kids to 3-4 kids and with at least one adoption. I'm so scared of birth that I am scared to have sex because I don't wanna get pregnant.

[LaurenB]

Magstphil, your post was wonderful. Thank you.

Originally Posted by micah_mae_

Yup. The size of family that I want has gone down from 6-8 kids to 3-4 kids and with at least one adoption. I'm so scared of birth that I am scared to have sex because I don't wanna get pregnant.

Yes! We went from wanting 2-3 to maybe just the one. I am so deeply afraid of going through labor again. And where would I have the baby anyway? Both the birth center and hospital were horrible. Bleh. I am so afraid to get pregnant that we haven't had sex since 2007.

[wbg]

Hugs mama

I just wanted to say to you and all these Mamas that I truly believe that all woman should give birth in an environment where they feel empowered and supported and where they are able to welcome their baby into the world. If that means that you are alone in a field, or in hospital with an epi/and or c-sec then that is the BEST place in the world for you. I believe in informed choices.I believe that no two births are alike and it is impossible to comprehend what someone else has gone through. No HCP should make you feel that you "failed". There is no such thing in birth. I go into each birth trying not to have any expectation of the birth journey or how I will respond to it. Every child's birth journey is different and unique. You need to feel strong and supported and should do whatever you need to do to welcome your much loved child into the world. I have given birth 4 times and each has been different. I have had water births and epi assisted birth and one of those similar to Micah-Mae where I felt truly bruised and battered and a little traumatised by it all, even though on paper it was perfect! Sometimes I honestly feel like I do not know where I belong because more mainstream communities think I am this crazy hippy chick and the more natural communities judge me because I don't see a problem supporting other choices that differ to my own, or in supporting a less natural approach even though I have been fortunate enough to experience the natural approach working out for me. Anyway, i hope that makes sense.
I just wanted you to know that you are a brave awesome Mama and your experiences in birth are real and validated. And that there are some in the natural community who think it is awesome and just fine for you to take any birthing path you choose. Just as it irks me when OBs judge my homebirth/natural choices, it irks me even more when natural Mamas judge even more harshly. Gosh I hope that makes sense.

[Devaskyla]

Unless we have an accidental pregnancy, I won't have to, since h is done, but yeah, the thought of doing it again terrifies me tbh. All 3 of my babies have had births that were terribly painful for me. I really hoped this most recent one would be my "healing" birth, after my cesarean that took a year to recover from & my first VBAC with a seriously malpositioned/stuck baby. It wasn't. I told my husband to kill me, it hurt so badly near the end. I'm surprised no neighbours called the cops I was screaming & crying so much. I'm still feeling like I did something "wrong" to have it hurt so much & to be so vocal.

Even if dh weren't done, I don't think there's anyway I could choose to get pregnant again, knowing it probably wouldn't be any better another time. If it somehow happens any way, I think I'm going to need therapy to deal with the fear.

[NinaD]

We had planned a birth center birth but I was induced at 42 weeks and ultimately had a c-section. I was so determined to do it drug free (before I knew I would have a c-section, of course) and the internal exams were just absolutely horrible. Several times I had emergency internal exams to either check for a prolapsed cord or to insert various monitors directly into my uterus... or to take them out and put them back in correctly. The pain was so bad when inserting the monitors that in the moment I wanted to die. I didn't ask for an epidural mainly because I forgot it was an option with everything going on. Every time my midwife told me that I needed another internal exam I just broke down into tears. The pain was horrible and I felt so violated. I'm not sure that I could give birth without an epidural again because the associations are so bad and I hate that.

[Freefromitall]

~raises hand~ Me. Honestly, do not want to be pregnant, do not want to go through birth, do not want any more children at. all.
And people don't take me seriously, b/c my 1st pregnancy was a breeze, my second was a little bumpy, but nothing major, and both deliveries went really well(I totally wussed out and had epis with both though)
So because I didn't have a horrible omgz!11!! near death experience with either pregnancy or labor/delivery, I'm not *allowed* to be sick to my stomach at the thought of going through it again.

[Kimmiepie]

Me!!! Maybe not for all the same reasons, but I never want to again nonetheless.

More on this when I have more time...

subbing

[Smokering]

A few months ago, absolutely. Now... well, yes, the thought of another birth doesn't ring joybells in my heart, but it's the thought of the pregnancy and postpartum periods that really have me cringing.

And we're not done. I want a big family. At the very least, three or four... which means two or three, and likely more, labours and deliveries to go through. The 'what-ifs' keep playing in my head... what if I get pre-eclampsia again? What if I never get my homebirth? What if I have to have a C-section? What if I get more and more stretch marks every time, and develop varicose veins and haemmorhoids and gain just a little more weight with each baby and end up looking twenty years older than DH and hating myself? What if I tear? What if I can never be a good mother, because I'm always too tired and frazzled and grumpy? What if I can't cope with a newborn *and* a toddler, much less a newborn and several kids? What if I spend too much time online and don't give them an enriching childhood; or conversely, what if I spend all my time running after them while my hobbies and dreams and sense of self get slowly sucked into a tiny black hole? What if DH leaves me for a Brazilian cocktail waitress?

OK, so I clearly have bigger issues than childbirth. And they're not exactly unique, never-been-angsted-before issues either, I know. While part of me would like the experience of planning our next child (Rowan was a surprise, more or less), I sometimes feel like I could never muster the strength to actually do it deliberately, knowing what I was letting myself in for. You know? Right now the thought of women who've already had children deliberately putting their bodies through that again frankly astounds me. I feel like asking "Didn't you want to scream and run out of the bedroom while you were TTC when you realised that could make you pregnant?" (Don't worry, I don't actually ask this).

It's a bit of a mess, and yet DD is beaming at me right now from the floor where she has been happily emptying my handbag, and I'm chillin' on the internet, and life is really peachy when I think about it, so... But then, Rowan just turned one, and thinking about another baby has only become, say, 20% less terrifying in the last few months. Sigh.

[Theoretica]

One more mama here saying my births were both excruciatingly painful at times. It was NOT a pain free bliss that is sometimes described here. It was only REALLY unbearable for the last bit, as I tend to go from 4cm to 10cm in about an hour, and I hit transition like a train wreck, and push my babies out in under five minutes. So it hurts. a lot. I don't know why I'm like that, but it's not the most fun part of the experience, that's for damn sure.

mama....we understand

[at_the_hip]

My births have all been very different. Each had their own traumas to get over. The most traumatizing *pain-wise* for me personally have been my two direct posterior deliveries (#1 and #4). I accept that the thought of another birth *at this time* makes me shudder. But I realize that this will fade enough for me to be willing to birth another LO, in time. I am OK with that and proud that I did it - it was excruciating because they really aren't designed to come out that way. But we both made it - healthy and well. I'm so thankful it was temporary and I can focus on the joy of having her here.


I can also say I've had labours that I have honestly enjoyed. Each one is so different though!

[guestmama9911]

Originally Posted by MommytoC

No.

And I'm considering asking for information on ligation at my annual in a month.

I cannot go through another section. I'd rather die.

[fairejour]

Originally Posted by MommytoC

No.

And I'm considering asking for information on ligation at my annual in a month.

I cannot go through another section. I'd rather die.

I will never have another c-section and Hubby believes with all his heart that labor kills moms and babies (why wouldn't he? he nearly lost us both) so unless they come up with a third option, we are done.

[bobandjess99]

yep, OP, I had the same experiences, twice. Seriously would have killed myself if I hadn't known DH would have stopped me. I've been extremely vocal about my awful UC experiences, you can search for the stories if you want.
I'm really not sure what my plan is..i know i NEED at least 1 more child to feel complete, possibly 2...but pregnancy is he!! for me - hyperemesis both times, i wanted to die from the awfulness - 9 full months of awfullness, and then the labors were mind-breakingly, tortuous superlative forms of the worst nightmares I could ever have.

I have no idea why it is such a good experience for some,and awful for others..and preparation,mental and physical, seems to have no effect really..I know teens who get no care, starve themselves to not gain too much weight and eat fast food and pop and literally pop their kids out while they are sleeping....and women, like me, who eat the most nutritious foods, prepare mentally and physically, and endure hell.

No freaking clue.

[guestmama9911]

It does seem a bit unfair, doesn't it? I thought I did everything right during pregnancy for a smooth birth.

[Ceinwen]

Me.

I highly doubt I will ever give birth again.

My first is a long, long tale of excruciating pain and a year long physical recovery. I had a fourth degree tear and many complicatons.

My second was a c-section which had a whole other host of emotional trauma. The physical recovery was easier, but the fall out from both is horrific.

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

but pregnancy is he!! for me - hyperemesis both times, i wanted to die from the awfulness - 9 full months of awfullness, and then the labors were mind-breakingly, tortuous superlative forms of the worst nightmares I could ever have.

Same exact thing here. And I kept being told "your pregnancies are such hell your births are going to be amazingly easy, just watch!" Uh, no not at all.

[fruitfulmomma]

I tried to have a homebirth twice and failed both times. I'm so hurt by the insistence by many in the natural birth community who say that birth isn't painful, when my labors were so aweful I actually contemplated suicide during the last one.

Just want to say that you did not fail!!! Needing more help that you originally planned for is not failure. You did what you and the baby needed.

My second birth was a non-emergency transport for pain relief. DD had turned her head funny and I swelled when pushing. I had been in labor for close to twenty hours and just couldn't keep going at that point. I won't say it was bad enough to make me want to stop having babies, but I get pretty scared every time we start approaching those last few weeks of pregnancy.

Regarding the pain-free birth stuff... I won't deny those women who claim to have them their experience, but golly that doesn't mean every woman can and will experience the same. I don't expect to ever have a pain-free birth and I don't think that means I'm doing something wrong.

[averlee]

I had a nice homebirth. My midwives were excellent. But my baby was sunny-side-up, anteflexed, and anyway the side of her head came out first, instead of the crown. It was extremely painful and I tore badly. I think I'd like to get my tubes tied.

[LionTigerBear]

I had a revelation my last labor (which was 7 weeks ago, and my third, all vaginal.) I had a "great" "perfect" labor. HypnoBabies kept me fairly "comfortable", as far as labor goes, for the first several hours, but transition was he!!. Really! I wanted to just to absolutely die. Afterwards I asked the midwife how long it had lasted. She said it was like 15 minutes that I was in transition. Really. 15 minutes. And the baby was pushed out in about the same time. But from transition on felt like forever. It was HORRIBLE. Honestly, I think that labor was almost as traumatizing as my first labor, which was 31 hours of back labor that nearly ended in a c-section (but didn't!) And it's embarrassing because everyone thought I did amazing, and talking about it, you wouldn't know what the big deal was. But now I've realized that intense pain is still intense pain, no matter how "short" the duration is. The idea of going through that much pain again, it makes me have severe anxiety reactions thinking about it. Makes me just want to burst into tears. Not only for this reason, but there will be no more babies for us. I just. can't. do. it.