I am never giving birth again.Dear Alisaterry,
This is my first post on this website. I specifically signed up just to reply to you. That's how much feelings I have regarding this topic!!
I, for the life of me, really wanted a natural birth. And not to proclaim from the rooftops that I was the better mom over C/S ones! No. It was to prevent unnecessary healing/etc and I heard form others "Avoid a C/S as much as possible". I guess my doc didn't agree with that. It's all liability now and whatever's less risky for the doc. Forget if a vaginal is possible right? The nurse seemed to want to tell me more than the doc. The nurse said induction has a higher chance of C/S. What'd my doc do? Induce. And what do you think it led to? (Whereas my SIL got induced and had a natural, so who knows anymore).
I don't have a degree in the topic and I had to trust my doctor that what she said was accurate. After complaining about just back/leg pains at 39 weeks, she said come in she'll induce. Fine, I was dead tired of the preg anyway and wanted the pain to stop. What could go wrong? (haha) I didn't have ANY contractions yet that I knew of. When I got the epidural I almost died in pain it was so painful. Maybe it's not painful for those that have horrible contractions already but it was for me. (Has anyone else had an epi before any contractions? Was it horrible for you too?) I must say I am not the skinniest person (back there) but it was horribly painful; words can't express. And my DH could NOT be in the room to help me (more liability). I got to 6cm and stayed there, at least that's what doc said. C/S ensued. I felt like I was being ripped apart. I was put under - again DH left room (more liability). I never saw my son born for 1 second. I woke up and saw him in DH's arms. It was horrible. It took me over 1 YEAR to be able to bend again easily or lift anything remotely heavy. No one will tell you that. It's FULL ABDOMINAL SURGERY. I swore on that bed (before the C/S) just imagine BEFORE - that I would NEVER go through this again. I gained a ton of weight, HAD 9 months of morning sickness (the first 6 being so bad I could barely MOVE!), was up all night during preg. in pain and eating, and still haven't lost more than 15 lbs. nearly 3 years later (latter prob is my fault but hey I'll tack it on). I actually had my DH take a video of me saying I'd never do it again. And this it's 'oh it hurts a little haha' video, this was a TRUE statement taken before the C/S. I will definitely never let myself go through that horrible physical or emotional pain again, so help me God. I promised myself!!! And if I can't keep a promise to myself who can I promise!
Not to mention the fact that the birth isn't the end of it. I don't know if I have the toughest kid in the world, but IT'S HARD. As a newborn he was up every 30 mins to an hour for endless weeks, months, I don't know. That switching of day/night is just horrid. He doesn't listen at all. Time outs don't work (he's now 33 mo). God help us for potty training, he shows no interest. It's work work work. He's hit me, slammed me, turned my nails black dropping things, pinched me, and laughed at me in pain. (Probably typical but still). It's always been too much for me as a SAHM but I've done it because I love him and I have no other choice in the work aspect. He's a beautiful sweet boy (at times) but I guarantee you, you are not alone, I will never go through it again either. And it's not just 'birth trauma' it's the fact that 1 kid is more than enough for me. I'm done. I don't want any more work, pain, or emotional anguish. Not to mention as a SAHM I feel like most of the day I am a single parent. I am overwhelmed and will never bring another person into the world. I cringe when people ask 'so when you havin' another'. I can honestly say never.
I feel like a shell of the person I used to be. I can barely do any hobbies. I am not joking when I say he needs something constantly. Most days I can't sit more than 2 minutes when he's awake. My personality maybe wasn't meant to be a SAHM but I really don't have much choice. He's tough.
Don't get me wrong, I love him and if you saw a pic you'd prob. love him too, but for me it's done and over. No question. I won't go through any of it again. DONE.
So I am that 'one other person' who doesn't want to do it again. PLEASE DON'T FEEL ALONE, PLEASE. (((HUGS))).
I replied specifically so you would know you're not alone. YOU'RE NOT ALONE.