A nursing cover was shoved in my face tonight. - Page 4

[PiePie]

You know, I hate nursing covers for that reason!

[Jyotsna]

I saw your post and just wanted to reply. Hang in there. Keep on being strong about your beliefs and keep on nursing in public.

At my parents house, I used to clear entire rooms when I would latch my baby on. I didn't really expose anything, just exposed the idea that my daughter was feeding at my breast, and it really bothered my dad and brother. My SIL often talked about how she breastfed in the bedroom when visiting, or even in her guestroom in her house. I just never felt it was necessary to do that. And the ONE time I did, several people, especially children of those who didn't agree with nursing in front of relatives, would come in, and then I didn't have anywhere to nurse. I learned to just keep on nursing, and kids were fine with it!

Hang in there honey!

[phatchristy]

You know, sometimes in that situation it really, honestly just catches you off guard.

As assertive of a person as I am, once someone 'covered me up as well'.

It was on an airplane, I was nursing DD. And, you couldn't see anything, I'm pretty darn good. Likely most people wouldn't have even guessed what I was doing. But, as the flight attendant walked passed me she actually put a blanket on top of me and my baby, covering her. I suppose I should have been more offended or something.

My husband, completely oblivious, grabbed the blanket and put it on our older DD who was cold. Sigh

[Celticqueen]

Originally Posted by phatchristy

You know, sometimes in that situation it really, honestly just catches you off guard.

As assertive of a person as I am, once someone 'covered me up as well'.

It was on an airplane, I was nursing DD. And, you couldn't see anything, I'm pretty darn good. Likely most people wouldn't have even guessed what I was doing. But, as the flight attendant walked passed me she actually put a blanket on top of me and my baby, covering her. I suppose I should have been more offended or something.

My husband, completely oblivious, grabbed the blanket and put it on our older DD who was cold. Sigh

Oh my gosh! What a RUDE flight attendant. I hate how people just ASSUME that every breastfeeding mother wants to cover up. What a sad, sad society we live in.

-Caitrin

[Bluegoat]

That woman was just so strange. I wonder if she was partly trying to avoid her husband making a scene? There are a lot worse things to see out there as far as skin goes than the average BF mom.

[gardenmommy]

Originally Posted by ancoda

I would have been tempted to tell her to cover her husbands head so he could not see if she was so concerned with it. You were fine, your baby was fine, so that leaves him that must not have been fine.

LOL!! That would be a perfect comeback! What you said was great, too. When people have said things to me (Wouldn't you like to nurse in our nursery? Wouldn't you be more comfortable with a cover? Wouldn't you be more comfortable in the other room?) I just say, "no, we are fine right here, no we hate being covered with a blanket, no we want to sit here with everyone else". I guess I've said it enough times that no one bothers me anymore, even when I am nursing my almost 2 yr. old.

What you did was to normalize NIP. That is what needs to happen: more moms reply with shock when encouraged to go somewhere else, cover up, etc., because BFing IS the NORM, and it is society that is backwards. You did a wonderful job! Keep up the good work!

[LionessMom]

Originally Posted by because why not?

What I try to remember when someone puts me on the spot and makes me angry and uncomfortable that way is the word, "Why?"

"Here, take this nursing cover."
"Why?"

"I just had to make sure my husband didn't see you like that."
"Why?"

It ALWAYS catches you off guard when someone is rude to you, so it's tough to say exactly what you want. A simple "Why?" is sooo easy to remember, even if you're someone who shies away from conflict. It turns the tables. Now they have to scamble to defend their reasoning, and you get a moment to collect your thoughts. It also let's you see exactly what their silly, irrational bullet-points are so you can address them appropriately. And usually, you can keep boiling things down with more 'whys'

"I just had to make sure my husband didn't see you like that."
"Why?"
"Well, because I don't want him looking at another woman's breasts!"
"Why?"
"Because breasts are sexual."
"Really? I don't see it that way." and if they want to keep going, they're doing so from a defensive position. You've forced them to confront their own POV without even needing to explain yours and if you choose to explain yours you're no longer doing it while backed in a corner.


I'm sorry you had that experience. I walked away from someone being absolutely horrid to a child in a store the other day and I think I will remember and regret that for the rest of my life, but we're never prepared for peoples' craptacular behavior, as much as we should be. It's always a shock.

i like the "why" approach. i have social anxiety and always find it hard to say something. but i can remember to say "what an odd thing to say." i heard it from an MDC mama a long time ago and it just stuck in my head. i cant remember flashy comebacks, cant even think of one till afterwards. but i can remember to either say "why" or "what an odd thing to say".

[Celticqueen]

Originally Posted by gardenmommy

LOL!! That would be a perfect comeback! What you said was great, too. When people have said things to me (Wouldn't you like to nurse in our nursery? Wouldn't you be more comfortable with a cover? Wouldn't you be more comfortable in the other room?) I just say, "no, we are fine right here, no we hate being covered with a blanket, no we want to sit here with everyone else". I guess I've said it enough times that no one bothers me anymore, even when I am nursing my almost 2 yr. old.

What you did was to normalize NIP. That is what needs to happen: more moms reply with shock when encouraged to go somewhere else, cover up, etc., because BFing IS the NORM, and it is society that is backwards. You did a wonderful job! Keep up the good work!

You just reminded me- this past thanksgiving, we were at the inlaws' house- lots of extended family members, kids, etc. I'd say there were about 50 people there tops.

I was out in the living room with everyone talking, enjoying myself, then my baby got hungry.

As soon as I latched him on, WITH a cover (yep- I covered so people wouldn't hassel me and he was a lot younger so he didn't mind much), my husband's aunt came running over to me and said- there's a quite room back there with the chair facing away from everyone- I'll show you where it is!!!"

"No thanks, I really don't like to be isolated from people" was my response.

In her case, she didn't care about my comfort- just that she didn't want people knowing I was breastfeeding. To me, that's just going way too far. I had a cover for crying out loud. A cover that I hated to begin with- and she didn't even appreciate THAT!!!

-Caitrin

[rightkindofme]

You are so polite. I wouldn't have been. Go you!

[bramblevine]

Originally Posted by because why not?

What I try to remember when someone puts me on the spot and makes me angry and uncomfortable that way is the word, "Why?"

"Here, take this nursing cover."
"Why?"

"I just had to make sure my husband didn't see you like that."
"Why?"

It ALWAYS catches you off guard when someone is rude to you, so it's tough to say exactly what you want. A simple "Why?" is sooo easy to remember, even if you're someone who shies away from conflict. It turns the tables. Now they have to scamble to defend their reasoning, and you get a moment to collect your thoughts. It also let's you see exactly what their silly, irrational bullet-points are so you can address them appropriately. And usually, you can keep boiling things down with more 'whys'

"I just had to make sure my husband didn't see you like that."
"Why?"
"Well, because I don't want him looking at another woman's breasts!"
"Why?"
"Because breasts are sexual."
"Really? I don't see it that way." and if they want to keep going, they're doing so from a defensive position. You've forced them to confront their own POV without even needing to explain yours and if you choose to explain yours you're no longer doing it while backed in a corner.

Originally Posted by because why not?

I'm sorry you had that experience. I walked away from someone being absolutely horrid to a child in a store the other day and I think I will remember and regret that for the rest of my life, but we're never prepared for peoples' craptacular behavior, as much as we should be. It's always a shock.

[tessa67]

Whasdamatter? Hubby skeered of teetees?

[Celticqueen]

Originally Posted by tessa67

Whasdamatter? Hubby skeered of teetees?

[ledzepplon]

Originally Posted by Gabe'sMummy

You did say the right thing! You were polite and firm. She sounds a bit nuts, like she is jealous and couldn't stand the thought of her husband seeing another woman's breast. Whatever it was, she was very rude and should be ashamed

Yep. And I really think your reply was perfect.

[mamalisa]

Originally Posted by momo7

Yeah you're right!! That's what bites my ass......my BIL gets all "eecked out" because I'm sitting on the couch minding my own nursing my baby and here comes his skanky daughter (with short shorts and a bikini top) flashing all over the place....and I'm the one with the problem because it might cause a scandel among the men? What freaking ever......yeah I know exactly what you mean there.

Well "sex" boobs are different than "food" boobs, don't you know!

Originally Posted by tessa67

Whasdamatter? Hubby skeered of teetees?

When ds was just a few weeks old we went to a friend's house for Christmas Eve. I was still really awkward nursing, so I went into the other room to get settled. As I was sitting on the couch, one of dh's friends came over rubbed ds's head and give him a little kiss. He then said, "he's so sweet when he's asleep like that". I replied that he wasn't asleep, just very busy eating. Holy heck, you should have seen him run! Everyone promptly mocked him for being afraid of boobs, including his mother! He kept saying he didn't know he was eating and his mom was like "why does it matter?" It was hilarious.

[flowers]

Originally Posted by mamalisa

When ds was just a few weeks old we went to a friend's house for Christmas Eve. I was still really awkward nursing, so I went into the other room to get settled. As I was sitting on the couch, one of dh's friends came over rubbed ds's head and give him a little kiss. He then said, "he's so sweet when he's asleep like that". I replied that he wasn't asleep, just very busy eating. Holy heck, you should have seen him run! Everyone promptly mocked him for being afraid of boobs, including his mother! He kept saying he didn't know he was eating and his mom was like "why does it matter?" It was hilarious.

When ds1 was about a little under a year we had a potluck. Ds1 was sleeping in our bedroom and woke up crying. A friend (male) heard him first and went in to be with him while someone went and got me (in the living room). I walked into the room and this guy just sat there admiring ds1. I kind of sat there awkwardly thinking he would leave b/c I was just going to nurse him back to sleep and he just kept sitting. Silly me thought everyone knew when a baby wakes up at night you just nurse him back to sleep so I figured he was comfortable with it and started nursing. This guy ran out of the room so fast and then later when I was telling another mutual friend how weird it was I learned that the guy had told the friend how weird it was. I forget not everyone is tuned into the whole nursing scene.

[K&JsMaMa]

Originally Posted by Celticqueen

I would just also like to say that this was a filmmaking event. If you know anyone in filmmaking they're often NOT conservative. My husband is, but he's rare. As a previous poster stated, I DID expect for my breast baring to be accepted. Afterall, there were filmmakers and actors everywhere. They have NEVER complained about me baring a breast for feeding.

This is what I hate about my situation- I seem to be the ONLY conservative lactivist around and it ticks me off to no end.

-Caitrin

Makes me wonder if this woman runs over and covers her dh's eye like a little boy when there are breasts shown in movies.

To me, this woman who offered you a cover was/is very immature. If she's so worried that her dh will be turned on by a woman nursing, she's go a lot of issues she needs to work out.

Now, if she were offering you the cover to be sweet, thinking of your feelings of being uncomfortable, that'd be different. But, because she was being weird about her dh seeing another woman's breast, that's just insulting. Both to you and her dh.



I'm sorry you went through that. It's ok that you didn't have a snappy "come back". I think you handled the situation with grace.