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different last name for your kid?

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
DP and I are currently in another tww, so this is purely hypothetical at this point, but we've been talking a lot about what last name to give our baby. Neither of us really wants to pass on our last names, and we'd rather not hyphenate them, so we're talking about giving the baby his/her own, unique last name.
Anybody else do this/thinking of doing this?
post #2 of 12
I noticed this on the new posts page and wanted to reply.

My parents gave me my own last name when I was born. My mother later changed it to my stepfather's last name, but I am planning on changing it back as soon as I can. I like having my own last name and, I gave my daughter the last name, so once I change it back we will have the same last name. My son has my exes last name.
post #3 of 12
Also saw this on new posts and wanted to reply. I really like the idea of a new last name, perhaps one that combines the two parents' names. I would do it if my other half agreed!
post #4 of 12
If you think of one you like, you might all consider taking the name (I have some straight friends who did this). As a queer family in particular, it really helps to both have the same name as your kid so that you are more likely to be perceived as a family, though plenty of families do fine with one parent having a different name. In his book about their adoption, Dan savage writes about what a pain it is to both have different names than their son (who has his birth mother's last name), especially when they travel.

post #5 of 12


My cousin and her dh changed their last name when their first child was born. Now the whole family has the new last name and it's working out fabulously for all of them.

My dp and I are going to change our last names when our children are grown. We have four children, two are bio mine and two are bio hers and they all have the last names of fathers.

I think it's important for us to have their last name now. I think they're going to have plenty of problems without adding their moms having a new and different last name. So we're going to wait.

But have you thought about my cousins route? Change everyone's name and start your new family in a new way.

Good luck.
post #6 of 12
This is an issue that my DH and I are also dealing with. We don't have any kiddos yet, but since I kept my last name when we married, and DH has his last name, we're not sure what we are going to do about last names of our children. DH is all for giving the children a third last name, but I'm not completely sold on the idea. I'm glad someone posted who said they liked having a unique last name because I always thought it would be awkward for a child. Last names are pretty important to me, which I guess is why I felt so strongly about keeping mine. I have a very unique last name, and I only know 5 other people who have it. My dad changed his last name when he was in his 20s, so I was the first person born with the name, and I kinda like that small fact! At any rate, good luck with deciding what to do with your LOs last name. I don't really have any advice, I just wanted to chime in since we're dealing with the same issue.
post #7 of 12
We did it! I have no positive feelings for hyphenated names. I have one last name, which I had no need to keep. DP has a rather ethnic name that I didn't want to take on, nor did she feel the need to pass on. We came up with a nice common last name for our 3 children b/c we wanted them to all have something simple and common to offset the uncommon first names we've chosen. We chose it, as a friend of our's says, out of the clear blue sky. We wanted something that wasn't too ethnic, like my dp's or at the end of the alphabet, like mine. We chose...Evans.

It is also our married name, but we never went to the court house and changed it legally.
post #8 of 12
I too, saw this in new posts, I'm straight and partnered, but we made up a whole new last name for our kids, which they both have. It's the word "Mercy" but made into a last name; Mersay. People are always like, "I didn't know you could do that!" When I tell them my kids have a different last name then their mama and papa.

I think about changing my last name to theirs someday, but it's pretty low on the to-do list.
post #9 of 12

name change in TN

Apparently one can't just pick any last name here in TN.....my partner and I intended to eventually hyphenate our last names. We thought I'd have the first child and just give him/her the new hyphenated name. Mentioned that to some friends and they said it's not possible. I called one of the local hospitals and spoke to someone who told me it has to be the bio mother's name or the father's name.....indeed you can't just make up a name.

How typical is that? It sounds like some on this board have just made up new names for the child (or combined names). Looks like this is another state ruling. I really wish we didn't have to spend the $800+ dollars to legally change our names during pregnancy, but it looks like that's what we'll end up having to do.
post #10 of 12
I certainly wouldn't ask nor trust what the hospital says. When you fill out the info for the birth certificate, just put what you want.
post #11 of 12
our son (i'm bio-mum) has my surname. dp will carry all future babies and they will also have my surname. dp has no desire to change her surname to be mine right now but we'll see how things go when our kid(s) are old enough to be in school. it hasn't been an issue in daycare or at the pediatrician's office. our son does have her surname as a middle name and all future babies will also have it as a middle name. although we didn't do it for this reason, our lawyer said it looked good for our second parent adoption.

post #12 of 12
Thread Starter 
thanks all for your thoughts and ideas! We really like the idea of all having a new name, and we are also thinking of giving the baby a new name and then hyphenating our last names with the new name.
what name, now, is the question! hopefully one will come to us. . .
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